School banning pupil relationships detrimental to education.

[welshmist]

A Headmaster at a Welsh school has said that relationships should be banned because they are detrimental to a pupils education. I didn`t have a serious relationship in school so feel unqualified to comment, is it a good or bad thing do you think.

"Controversial headmaster warns pupils he'll give them 'worse university references' for having boyfriends or girlfriends
Toby Belfield, principal of Ruthin School, has asked staff to keep a list of students in relationships and warns they can look for another school come September"

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/controversial-headmaster-warns-pupils-hell-14191653

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/pupils-human-right-relationship-ruthin-14213653

wakemeupbefore. Colleagues at work are always having flings, tis the gossip that keeps on giving.

Other heads of actual decent public schools are laughing at him.

What happens at normal boarding schools is that friendships between sexes are absolutely fine! Relationships even! It's treated as a normal part of being a teenager and while staff would be aware and monitoring things (just like a parent would), it's not a problem. Their time is so taken up with everything they do, frankly there's little spare chance anyway 😂

If a couple are caught having sex (which is never allowed), what usually happens is they, with their parents, are asked to leave gently. And then the head phones up other schools and gets a colleague to take them (separate schools!) and give them a second chance. They are not "expelled" and generally if nothing is out in in the open they with the parents are encouraged to say the move was for other reasons. Nobody gets to know about it, the students are not embarrassed publicly, everyone can treat it as an opportunity for a second chance.

Personally, I think this head is finding his percentage tipping towards international students and is finding excuses for that 🙄

There's a massive corrolation between the type of school and levels of professional success attained by alumni, is there not?
We all know about teenage hormones and those puppy-love romances, some us are still able to remember our own. But respect and restraint and ability to follow the etiquette and expected conduct in any given situation is taught at school and home.
Becoming a single mother in ones' teens or having to pay out child maintanence before getting a proper job is not a path I wish for my children. As their parent, it is my responsibility to ensure they understand what life choices they make now mean to their future life.
I fully expect the school to do their part .

Wakemeupbefore -There's a massive corrolation between the type of school and levels of professional success attained by alumni, is there not?

success?? I am concerned if students do not form friendships in school as I said before they go mad at the freedom they get at uni. and can get pregnant just as easily there.

Friendships are all good, having sex with fellow pupil at school is not. It really is as simple as that.

SueSueDonahue Mon 29-Jan-18 19:35:28
Other heads of actual decent public schools are laughing at him.

What happens at normal boarding schools is that friendships between sexes are absolutely fine! Relationships even! It's treated as a normal part of being a teenager and while staff would be aware and monitoring things (just like a parent would), it's not a problem. Their time is so taken up with everything they do, frankly there's little spare chance anyway 😂

That does seem a better way of dealing with it imo.

Isn't it lovely. However, reading Sue's post one is prone to wonder how much exactly does she/he really know about 'decent public schools'.

Each their own, many parents are over the moon when little Kylee or Jay-Zee forms a proper sexual relationship in Year 8. Whatever makes you happy :-)

It's not just about whether pupils should be having sex or not: it is also about whether a headteacher has any right to write references that are either totally irrelevant (universities don't give a toss about people's sex lives) or deliberately misleading.

And incidentally, nobody is saying that headteachers anywhere should allow shagging in the school library: this man is proposing to write a bad reference for just being in a relationship.

*Isn't it lovely. However, reading Sue's post one is prone to wonder how much exactly does she/he really know about 'decent public schools'.

hmm

Each their own, many parents are over the moon when little Kylee or Jay-Zee forms a proper sexual relationship in Year 8. Whatever makes you happy :-)*

I was not talking about actual sex, nor was the Headmaster to quote him

*“I will be talking to staff and, as in previous years, I will put together a list of any student with a boyfriend or girlfriend. These students - if in L6 (lower sixth form) or F5 (year 11) can expect to find new school in September.

“There are plenty of students that wish to attend Ruthin School without the diversion of romance - and these students can replace those students whose focus is on bf/gf relationships.
“School is not the place for romantic relationships - ever.”*

For a student to have crushes, hold hands, sneak kisses it is hard to think they will be expelled.

I can understand why parents would worry about sex at boarding school, but expulsion for having sex over the age of consent in one’s free time?! really?

“school is not where I expect my children to become sexually involved with other students.”

16-18 year olds are not children. Where would you expect sexual relationships to start other than where lots of people of a similar age spend lots of time?!

Those statements from the head, seeking to impose total celibacy, seem contrary to people’s right to a personal life.

Wonder what his views are on same sex relationships gf/gf or bf/bf!

What's the betting the next thing we hear about this school is a scandal involving the Head having an affair with a sixth former / wanking to child pornography in his office...

Dozer Mon 29-Jan-18 20:52:51
Those statements from the head, seeking to impose total celibacy, seem contrary to people’s right to a personal life.

Wonder what his views are on same sex relationships gf/gf or bf/bf!

The childrens commisioner brought up this point, he did reply to her.

Children’s Commissioner for Wales, Sally Holland, said kids need support to “develop safe and healthy relationships” if we are to build respectful societies.

The remarks come in response to an email sent out to staff by Ruthin School principal Toby Belfield, who said he “strongly disapproved” of students having relationships - later saying he was speaking about boarders, for whom he has guardianship.

In response to the Children’s Commissioner’s remarks Mr Belfield said he agreed children have human rights but no automatic right to be at his school - and parents could choose to withdraw pupils if they weren’t happy with his stance.

This head is a legend.
This has got his school's name in the papers. No such thing as bad publicity. Genius.

The "policy" itself is moronic and dehumanising to the students.

What's the betting the next thing we hear about this school is a scandal involving the Head having an affair with a sixth former / wanking to child pornography in his office...

Nah. I'd pay money on him just being quietly got rid of with a pay off for signing a non disclosure without having done anything other than this bad publicity.

There's no such thing as bad publicity

He might not find it easy to get another job.

So are the British morally bankrupt, it seems the head has attracted overseas parents who like the stance he projects.

This is about money and nothing else. Boarders pay more and make more money for the school and they are becoming harder and harder to come by as it has gone out of fashion and become too expensive for the British.

This is basically a marketing ploy to attract overseas parents who have concerns about a coed school because of sex mixing away from single sex alternatives.

It's just money and marketing.

One went to a school where physical relationships resulted in expulsion. Undoubtedly relationships being allowed to take precedence over school work ruin some children’s life chances. Undoubtedly being ‘loved up’ and permitted to spend all day indulging the romance has a negative impact on achievement. We certainly discouraged intense romances and would have been seriously unhappy if any of them started sleeping around or even having sex before they were in a position to take responsibility for their actions.
We never went down the “ teenagers wil do it anyway” route. Luckily the structured and demanding requirements of a boarding school prevented the last four getting overly involved with anyone. The first was a Golden Girl/geek who just wouldn’t have (being more priggish than us). Our elder son was the one who had a roving eye and who needed the most careful handling as he disliked academic study and wasn’t good at focussing.

GrandDesespoir Mon 29-Jan-18 20:59:26
What's the betting the next thing we hear about this school is a scandal involving the Head having an affair with a sixth former / wanking to child pornography in his office...

Funnily enough there is a school not too far away where a member of staff, folk gossip about as having naughty relations during confirmation lessons is leading the life of riley, boosting the school coffers in the Middle East, China and Russia. Well they are hardly likely to out him.

Eltonjohnssyrup Tue 30-Jan-18 12:09:09
So are the British morally bankrupt, it seems the head has attracted overseas parents who like the stance he projects.

This is about money and nothing else. Boarders pay more and make more money for the school and they are becoming harder and harder to come by as it has gone out of fashion and become too expensive for the British.

This is basically a marketing ploy to attract overseas parents who have concerns about a coed school because of sex mixing away from single sex alternatives.

It's just money and marketing.

I do wonder if you are not right, you get double the money from a boarder.

When I started at a mixed boarding school twenty years ago (gulp) the rules around relationships were very obviously intended to reduce/avoid unequal, exploitative or abusive relationships. Absolutely the staff were monitoring what was going on.

Most of it didn't need rules exactly, but the rule I remember most was the one about age gaps. You could have a relationship with someone a school year either side, but not more. This was chiefly to protect 13yo girls from 18yo boys (and vice versa). PDA was also severely frowned on.

I suspect that a "nothing remotely sexual" rule might have made it easier for some to say no, who ended up in sexually abusive or coercive relationships. Because "no, it'll get us both expelled" can be more persuasive than "no, I don't want to". It is almost always easier for a teenager to blame an outside authority than assert themselves.