AIBU re wedding abroad?

[ComfyBoots]

A close relative lives in another European country and has been engaged for 18 months. Ten months ago when I visited her last she told me that they are hoping to get married on a specific date. 6 months later ( last October) I asked how the plans were going but didn’t get a direct answer re date. I then sent another text yesterday saying that we wondered if they’d set the date yet as we wanted to ensure we are available for the wedding but want to also book our main summer holiday. Now, I absolutely understand that they can get married at very short notice and that I’m not obliged to attend. However, AIBU to think that im in a slightly unfair situation as I now feel that I have to keep the whole of August free in case of a date clash. If I mention it again I will be being pushy, but equally, I want to be able to book my main summer holiday and any wedding flights more than 6 months ahead to get a reasonable deal. I’ve had no reply and now don’t know what to do. AIBU to feel frustrated or is it simply a case of her wedding, her prerogative?

I think Yabu sorry. You can’t push her into setting a day sooner than she wants to, just to suit you.

I do agree, absolutely. But then was she unreasonable to give us a very specific date and not confirm it nearly a year later? If she had not told us the date at all we could’ve booked holiday as usual and taken our chances in our availability.

You are not unreasonable to feel frustrated but there could be lots of things going on I suppose.

She could be thinking of postponing.
She might be thinking if having a really small event and is not planning on inviting you.
She might be struggling to pull everything together for the day they want.

So what should I do, Foody?

Maybe you're not invited...

Ps I think the small event thing is unlikely as we were invited over previously specifically to meet the fiancé.

Could you have your big holiday somewhere close by (not too close, but short flight/train journey).

Book you're holiday
Then wait and see if a dates forthcoming

Either you're free or you aren't

Foody, that wouldn’t work, unfortunately as Ds has a big birthday coming up and we promised a city break to somewhere further afield as our main holiday.

I totally can see how unreasonable this may sound but it’s so frustrating!

I would keep the original date free and then book my holiday for when suited me.

You’ve asked and for whatever reason she’s not given an answer. No more you can do.

Just go about making your plans. If you're free then great, if you're not by the time a invite arrives then tough luck, it's a chance couples take.

Trouble is, the original date clashes with A level results day so could be problematic anyway 😩

My cousin kept on asking me. She wasn't invited. We were just having a very small wedding.

Vic, if that was the case, maybe she wouldn’t have asked all 4 of us to travel overseas to meet her fiancé last Easter. Or maybe just starting an AIBU thread it automatically means I must be presumptuous and blind to my own behaviour and lack of insight 😉

Book your holiday and carry on with your life. If or when she does send you an invite you’ll either be available or not. You’ve asked her twice and had no response if she was that bothered about ensuring you could make it she’d had told you. As it is she hasn’t and nobody puts their life on hold for someone else’s wedding.

Don’t go then! Book your holiday for whenever you like. It isn’t your wedding- it’s fine to miss it. Anyway, you haven’t actually been invited yet. Even if you had, I’d say fine to miss it, for any reason (a level results etc - which can be a really important day, if your dc doesn’t get the results they needed and has to go through clearing). They’ve just mentioned a date to you.

Has she actually asked you though? Meeting her fiancé is a different thing. Sorry but it is.

If you haven't been invited then just go ahead and book your holiday when you want.

I think she is being unfair if she wants you to attend. But make your own holiday plans. If you end up not being able to go because she can't make her mind up, that's not your fault. You have asked.

I’m beginning to wish I’d said in my OP that it is my sister’s wedding which might have explained why I do not feel that I can miss it. I didn’t want to out myself, hence the vague details in my OP.

I tend to feel very very guilty if I feel that I’ve let someone down and I would feel that, if I didn’t go, hence the dilemma.

If or when she does send you an invite you’ll either be available or not.

^This

Like other posters said, book your holiday & when you’re informed of the date you’re either free or not. I certainly wouldn’t be contemplating being anywhere other than at home with my child on A Level results day.

book your holiday for when suits your family. If you are booking a summer wedding and don't tell people before Christmas, you run the risk they will have already booked to go away in July/August in January, so they won't be able to attend.

Get on with it, and if you are able to also go to her wedding, great. If her delaying setting a date means you aren't able to go, then that's not really something you need to worry about, you then just decline as you are away, send a nice gift and don't think about it.

Ok, a sibling is a bit different. What do your parents say?

I had a different but similarly frustrating situation.
My brother booked his wedding, dates and everything all set, but for some reason chose not to share this with anyone until 6 months before.

It really was all booked at least 12+ months before the date as they talked about it.

(It's also a no kids wedding, on a Friday. If it wasn't for my teacher friend who will be off for the Easter break, we wouldn't be able to go!)