AIBU re wedding abroad?

[ComfyBoots]

A close relative lives in another European country and has been engaged for 18 months. Ten months ago when I visited her last she told me that they are hoping to get married on a specific date. 6 months later ( last October) I asked how the plans were going but didn’t get a direct answer re date. I then sent another text yesterday saying that we wondered if they’d set the date yet as we wanted to ensure we are available for the wedding but want to also book our main summer holiday. Now, I absolutely understand that they can get married at very short notice and that I’m not obliged to attend. However, AIBU to think that im in a slightly unfair situation as I now feel that I have to keep the whole of August free in case of a date clash. If I mention it again I will be being pushy, but equally, I want to be able to book my main summer holiday and any wedding flights more than 6 months ahead to get a reasonable deal. I’ve had no reply and now don’t know what to do. AIBU to feel frustrated or is it simply a case of her wedding, her prerogative?

I can see why it's more complex given that it's your sister. However, the world doesn't revolve around her so and you can put your life on hold waiting for her to deign to tell you the date of her wedding.

I'd send one more message asking the date of the wedding and say that if you don't hear anything within the next week that you'll be booking your family holiday so may not be able to go to her wedding. If you don't hear from her within this time frame then book your holiday and tough luck of you can't go to her wedding, and don't feel guilty either because it will be her own fault for being a prat and not answering.

I understand the guilt but she's being a royal pita by not answering a perfectly reasonable question. When we got married I gave friends and family 9 months notice of the date as some lived at the other end of the country and others are overseas. Imagine it's unfair to invite people who have a distance to travel, especially if flights are involved, without giving a decent amount of notice.

You don't have to be there at all. I know there will be feelings of being obligated to go as she's your sister but you're entitled to a life too. You don't have to put your life on hold for her wedding.

Do you want to be there?

I think I would message again if so

I tend to feel very very guilty if I feel that I’ve let someone down

But you tried and she's my replying so she's letting you down!

I’d still keep the date she mentioned free. Can’t a kid (probably an adult unless took them early) waiting for A level results stay home?

It isn't the being able to be 'home alone' it is about 'being there' for them if the results aren't what they hope for.

Even though she's your sister, you find sound close, you didn't grow up together by the sounds of it, you are relatives by blood and that's its there's no bond there.

I stand by what I said. Book your holiday. If you miss her wedding, it's her fault. To be honest, if after 3 times you've asked and she hasn't told you exactly when and where it is, you probably aren't invited any way.

How can you be close enough you are invited over to meet the fiancé but not close enough to have a telephone call . You aren’t putting her on any spot, you are basically asking is the date booked yes or no, if not why not and when does she think she’ll know (obviously not as bluntly with a bit of chat around it first) then you can make your own decisions. Sounds like these barriers to getting information are your own making, just pick up the phone.

I would message her. Say you are booking hols from x date to y date. A level results day is z date. You assume no clash if you havent heard in a week

I would book my holiday for the dates that suit me. If they clash with the wedding date, then too bad (for her). If it's that important to the sister that you be there she'd be more cooperative now.

Can you ask for a 3rd time via one of your parents? Or leave it a werk and say im booking hiliday xyz date is that going to clash with wedding? If so let me know asap