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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does your dh let you know where he'll be, or AIBU?

79 replies

Jellybellyqueen · 28/01/2018 12:03

Dh is in a job which takes him away from home often, sometimes for long periods of time. At present he has a few shorter trips planned (a couple of which are abroad) but with very loose dates. He may mention in passing that he'll be away in a while, but rarely puts anything on the calendar, or gives me a definite date until just before he's due to leave. I've asked him to keep me updated until I'm blue in the face, as it affects me and the DC - we can hardly ever plan in advance. Nothing changes. The last (heated) conversation we had about it ended in him promising to keep me updated as soon as he knew himself, forwarding emails etc.

At the start of Dec he mentioned he'd be away in Jan. Nothing was written down, no date given. Halfway through Jan he overheard me talking to a friend about his trip later on in Feb, and told me I'd forgotten about his being away next week. Still nothing written down, he had obviously got a firm date at some point which he hadn't mentioned to me. This was Mon. On Wed he forwarded a work email of his travel itinerary, received that day, to his home email. No copy or mention to me, until I asked on Thu evening when he was actually going to be leaving, as we had plans with extended family at the weekend.

When I asked why he hadn't just forwarded the itinerary to me at the same time as to his other email, he said he'd thought about it, but felt like I was being too controlling, so didn't bother.

This is typical of him. Am I BU wanting to know when he's going away, or is he BU by not keeping me in the loop?

Would be interested to know how it works for other ppl. I've asked him to write on calendars, forward emails.. Says he will, but just CBA. Getting increasingly pissed off with him about it.

OP posts:
TeaEnjoyingRadientFeminist · 29/01/2018 08:44

How on earth os it controlling to want to know whether he will be at home or not Confused DP and I both travel with work a lot and it's common sense to let the other know so the person at home can arrange their social life/shopping can be done properly...

Your DH is being a complete arse.

echt · 29/01/2018 09:35

OP, YAsoNBU.

My late DH often had to go into the regions and stay overnight or interstate for his job. Everything went on the calendar. My attendance at Parents'/Open evenings went there too. He would text when the plane touched down or he'd turned onto the terrible Punt Road to tell me was coming home. Smile

While your DH doesn't have to go into such detail as the last bit, he needs to cooperate.

Avonandice · 29/01/2018 09:41

Dh's job is very changeable but there is usually a two week trip to the HO overseas, this is the only date he ever write on the calender. His week to week jobs can change upto the morning of the job so he just goes with the flow. Hes had this sort of job since before I knew him so I guess Im used to it. The job is monday to friday so weekends we do all the visit to pils, family etc.

Jellybellyqueen · 30/01/2018 05:25

Thanks for all the replies, seems I'm not being that U at all! Maybe I haven't made enough fuss about him keeping me in the loop previously and accepted it as one of those easily forgettable things. Though there are so many options and the fact he can organize work yet not remember us makes me so annoyed. He has it too easy because there's no motivation for him to change - whichever pp said that was right!

Much as I would like him to be involved, I'm not sure he's that fussed, so I'll find someone else to do stuff with where possible, and go out with the DC. (That pisses me off too, as I'm then the sole entertainment manager as well Grin).

I'll also try and ask him every sunday to see what he's forgotten. Angry Thanks for all the ideas.

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