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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH thinks he can play poker professionally

56 replies

ffab · 28/01/2018 09:50

DH was made redundant from his well paid but extremely stressful job in September. He worked for the same company for the whole of the seven years we have been together.

We agreed that he needed a break as he was burned-out by the time they made him redundant.

Poker has been his hobby since long before we met and he could easily win (or more often loose) over £1,000 in one night.

We keep our finances separate but both pay the same amount into a joint a/c each month for mortgage, bills food etc. I earn(ed) less than him but I do more housework. He pays when we go on dates and has always been very generous, especially after a big win, eg trips to Vegas, lots of little presents etc. I am a big saver and he is a big spender, this wasn't a problem when he earned a lot, but now I worry as other than his redundancy money he has no savings.

I thought he would look for a new job in earnest after Christmas but he has been very half hearted about it. He now plays online poker 8 hours a day and genuinely thinks he can make a living from it.

He stopped playing in casinos after he burned through his bankroll (£1,500) in the first month after leaving work. Now he is making about a fiver a day online but he says it's gradually increasing. 😎

He is still paying his share into the joint account and can afford to do that until the end of this year.

I think he has a gambling addiction. He, unsurprisingly, disagrees. He is a wonderful DH intelligent, kind, witty, v. v. sexy etc. Poker is his only vice; well that and letting the dog get into our bed when I'm not looking.

As long as he can still pay his way does it matter?

AIBU to expect him to get a proper job well before his money runs out?

OP posts:
Heratnumber7 · 28/01/2018 09:55

If he's serious he should get away from online poker and play in person.
Also tell him to read Victoria Hislop's autobiography. It will give him a good understanding of what he's letting himself in for.

Heratnumber7 · 28/01/2018 09:55

Victoria Victoria Coren.

Whitecurrants · 28/01/2018 09:59

Sounds like a gambling addiction. I've seen this type of thing before - be very careful as addicts can be terrible liars.

Ellie56 · 28/01/2018 10:02

No YANBU. He needs to get another job and help with his addiction.

And if you're working and he's not who is doing all the housework and cooking etc now?

ExtraSpecial1 · 28/01/2018 10:02

Online though Herat, he can tap into the US market.

Op it's a very slippery slope £5 a day or even a £100 is not enough long term. He's kidding himself.

jay55 · 28/01/2018 10:11

Is his only gambling poker?

If it is give him a time limit. Most people burn out quickly. Is he reading up on the game? Taking strategy lessons? Taking it seriously as a job you train for or is he just playing hand upon hand?
Is he keeping his bank roll separate from the rest of his money?

ButteredScone · 28/01/2018 10:12

I think he has a gambling addiction brought on by stress in his job.

SymphonyofShadows · 28/01/2018 10:13

God no. I have a friend who is a professional poker player. He does make a living from it, but it's a weird lonely twilight world where he only mixes with other players and tourists. He is very single though, and that's not likely to change. It suits him but it's not a life I'd want for anyone else I cared about. He gave up a successful career but had already made enough in that and the poker to buy property etc. I don't think it's an addiction for him though, it's more methodical and cynical. He doesn't 'need' it.

LannieDuck · 28/01/2018 10:13

Separate out your money immediately. Get your name off any cards etc he has.

And since he's now earning less than you are, he should be taking over the majority of the housework. (Unless that rule only applies when it's the woman who earns less?)

Swarskid2184 · 28/01/2018 10:16

My friends husband did exactly this. Got made redundant from an investment bank with a settlement of £70k. He generally won when he played online poker, sometimes late into the night. She has a good income, so agreed for him to try being a ‘professional gambler’ for 6 months to see how it went.

It went really well for a while- at one point he was £34k ‘up’, but within 4 months he was >£30k in the red, maxed out on credit cards and taken money off the mortgage.

It nearly broke their marriage

43percentburnt · 28/01/2018 10:17

Separate your finances. And I’m with Lannie on the housework as he earns £5 a day I guess he’s doing 99% of the housework.

0ccamsRazor · 28/01/2018 10:19

Sounds as though he is addicted.

What will you do Op if he continues?

Original poster
ffab · 28/01/2018 10:23

Heratnumber7 He did play in casinos until he ran out of money.

LannieDuck money has been separate from the get go.

jay55 he buys the odd scratch card.

He is taking it seriously, He does all of the things you list. If it is give him a time limit. Most people burn out quickly. Is he reading up on the game? Taking strategy lessons? Taking it seriously as a job you train for or is he just playing hand upon hand?
Is he keeping his bank roll separate from the rest of his money?

Yes he keeps his bank roll separate.
I have given him a time limit of Dec 2018, but not sure if this is too long.

He was unemployed for a year or so some time before we met and made a living from poker during that time
He has spreadsheets coming out of his ears listing every hand winnings etc.

His day job was as a numbers guy including financial management of millions.

OP posts:
Original poster
ffab · 28/01/2018 10:26

43percentburnt finances have been separate from day one (I'm not that daft)

We have a cleaner paid out of the joint a/c

He loads the dishwasher most days, takes the bins out and cooks a big Sunday lunch for extended family every week.

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 28/01/2018 10:27

I would be frightened to death if I'm honest Sad

Original poster
ffab · 28/01/2018 10:29

Whitecurrants I hear you but I really don't think he is a liar, more delusional 😂. The real question I think is how long should I give him to make a living from poker before pulling the plug.

OP posts:
Original poster
ffab · 28/01/2018 10:32

SymphonyofShadows. He lived exactly like that as a professional player for a while before I met him.

After we got together we agreed he would play in casinos no more than 2 nights per week, when I say 'night' I mean 8pm to 7am the following morning or later and he's stuck religiously to that.

OP posts:
rollingonariver · 28/01/2018 10:34

I would worry because it sounds like he's in a good profession and he'd be able to find another job fairly easily but surely he'll find it harder after a year off?
I would give him until July 2018 tbh, he needs that extra time to find a job and start earning. That's for me anyway 😊

AnnaleeP · 28/01/2018 10:34

He sounds burned out if I'm honest. I think the poker is an excuse not to go back to work, I highly doubt if he really believes he can make a go of it.

I do know someone who gave up his job to play online poker, the difference being he did both for about a year until he was sure the numbers stacked up.

If he burns through all of the money he's saved within a few months, what are you going to do?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 28/01/2018 10:36

How come you were paying equally into the joint fund (though you earned less) AND you did all the housework?

rollingonariver · 28/01/2018 10:36

Also, if he is burned out from the stressful job maybe he could work an 'easy' job for a bit, you can work in payroll from Home in some cases?

PumpkinPiloter · 28/01/2018 10:40

It is a very bad time to start poker as a career. 10 years ago it was not only possible but fairly easy for a disciplined hard working person to make a living wage out of poker. The only good side is that many professional poker players have recently left poker to focus on trading bitcoins/alt coins.

Beyond this fact many things have happened in the last 10 years to make it extremely hard; player bases getting better, a drop in recreational players, the segregation of poker markets, the advance of poker computer programs and the big sites having a less friendly attitude towards winning players.

Whilst it is still possible to make money from poker like most very crowded industries you need to be extremely dedicated, study hard and have some kind of niche whether that be a small site with very few good players on it or a rare form of poker with less experts.

All in all it is a very poor career choice these days unless you are either a very gifted individual with a strong work effort who can break into the top 1% of players or you are an Eastern European living in a country with low work opportunities and low sots of living.

Peanutbuttercheese · 28/01/2018 10:41

There's is no way I would want to be with someone who had such an unstable source of income.

Plus as much as some jobs garner respect and I have always said to my son almost all jobs are worth doing, I would quite frankly be embarrassed.

araiwa · 28/01/2018 10:42

I have no idea if hes good enough to do it professionally but having done it before bodes well for him.

If you know he will be smart about it and keep his playing money apart from his living money/ redundancy, then i dont see what the harm is in letting him try again. Ive known a couple of people who have nice lives funded by playing poker

Hoppinggreen · 28/01/2018 10:47

I don’t know much about poker but would he be able to Bank his winnings?
So if he started with £10k and ended up with £30k he could put £20k away and continue to play with £10k?
It’s the only way I would agree to it but it sounds to me as if he doesn’t want to get a proper job and this is his get out clause. If you give him till the end of the year he could have lost a lot of money and be a lot less employable than he is now