DH thinks he can play poker professionally

[ffab]

DH was made redundant from his well paid but extremely stressful job in September. He worked for the same company for the whole of the seven years we have been together.

We agreed that he needed a break as he was burned-out by the time they made him redundant.

Poker has been his hobby since long before we met and he could easily win (or more often loose) over £1,000 in one night.

We keep our finances separate but both pay the same amount into a joint a/c each month for mortgage, bills food etc. I earn(ed) less than him but I do more housework. He pays when we go on dates and has always been very generous, especially after a big win, eg trips to Vegas, lots of little presents etc. I am a big saver and he is a big spender, this wasn't a problem when he earned a lot, but now I worry as other than his redundancy money he has no savings.

I thought he would look for a new job in earnest after Christmas but he has been very half hearted about it. He now plays online poker 8 hours a day and genuinely thinks he can make a living from it.

He stopped playing in casinos after he burned through his bankroll (£1,500) in the first month after leaving work. Now he is making about a fiver a day online but he says it's gradually increasing. 😎

He is still paying his share into the joint account and can afford to do that until the end of this year.

I think he has a gambling addiction. He, unsurprisingly, disagrees. He is a wonderful DH intelligent, kind, witty, v. v. sexy etc. Poker is his only vice; well that and letting the dog get into our bed when I'm not looking.

As long as he can still pay his way does it matter?

AIBU to expect him to get a proper job well before his money runs out?

He loads the dishwasher most days, takes the bins out and cooks a big Sunday lunch for extended family every week.

So this plus £5 a day is his contribution to the household? He really isn't pulling his weight. This would be a poor effort even if he was working full time but since he's unemployed, he really should be stepping up and taking some of the domestic burden off your shoulders.

He sounds slightly delusional to me. I think giving him until Dec 2018 is far too long. I'd give him until the end of April maximum then he needs to get a job - before the financial services market starts going quiet over the summer.

my brilliant disguise

How come you were paying equally into the joint fund (though you earned less) AND you did all the housework?

He paid for dates and holidays sure this seems like a reasonable trade to me.

He also does the food shopping.

He still pays his share into the joint abut so it's not just £5 a day.

Araiwa this is why I don't think it's completely a pipe dream, he has made a living from it before.

He clearly thinks he can do it, having done it before, but it's different if you have other obligations. The person I know who does it doesn't have a mortgage and isn't reckless but he doesn't have any sort of social life beyond his poker circle or a serious relationship.

Not sure why this is a question for 2018. He had his go in 2017 and it didn’t work out.
Still, if he wants to have another go at it then he needs to set targets - what’s the eventual net annual income he thinks he can achieve ? Then he needs to scale up to that over a number of months. He also, as someone says above, needs to bank a proportion of each win, so he’s not playing with his whole book all the time. That will help him build up his income. And he needs to set max loss ceilings, probably weekly.

Can't thank you guys enough for your advice. I tried to be a fair as possible in my original post as I really need the advice.

I do think he'd depressed and hiding from the world by playing poker online. Apart from me, the dog and my two adult DD's from a previous relationship (one of whom lives with us), he doesn't have any friends.

I think I'll have to give him a time limit and it's going to have to be well before the end of the year.

Hoppinggreen he never seems to get around to banking his winnings even when he was actually winning.

If you’re married then I’d set credit check alerts with Experian etc so you can be sure he’s not affecting your credit rating. And I assume you don’t have kids and aren’t planning any during this experiment? If you are then that’s a whole other level of financial risk he’s taking.

And he should put a large proportion of his redundancy away rather than running it down to zero over the course of this year. Take some as a poker pot to start him off and once that is gone, if he runs out of poker money he’ll need to get a part time job to earn the money to get back into the game.

I’d alsonscsld back your joint outgoings now and reduce planned expenditure on holidays etc for this year, just in case. Can you afford to carry the household on your salary alone, if worst came to worst? Whatever you do, don’t subsidise him with your money.

*also scale back

JennyHolzersGhost we're not married and not planning any kids (He wanted one with me but I didn't). He has a DD from a previous relationship for whom he pays £500 pcm child support.

JennyHolzersGhost. We got together after I got divorced, I got cash from my share of my old matrimonial home and used that for my half of the house he and I now own. We needed his income to get the mortgage, so with my capital and his income it seems like a good deal. He pays the mortgage although I am aware that as it's in joint names the bank could come after me if he didn't pay. But I make sure the mortgage comes out of the joint a/c where I can check that it has been paid.

At £5 a day it will take him about 10 months just to make back the £1,500 he's already lost. Even at £50 per day for 365 days a year he would only be making an annual 'salary' of £18,250 (although this would be tax free). Unless he can dramatically increase his winnings then this is not a viable career.

I'd be concerned he is racking up debt, but as you are not married and it's not in your name and you don't share finances, my worry would be that if the bailiffs or high court enforcers show up at your door, they will take your goods if you cannot prove with receipts that they are entirely yours.

My brother is a sponsored full time poker plAyer, if your H is good perhaps suggest it to him - you play with their money and keep a % of your winnings plus get a small flat basic so it removes the majority of the risks. I wish him luck and hope he makes it.

Not read all of the replies OP but if he is serious about this, then why doesn’t he get into Matched Betting. It’s risk free (so long as you don’t get tempted to gamble) and tax free and serious matched betters are bringing in £50k a year easily. I earn £400 a month from it and only do it part time as and when I can.

But a professional poker player, or any type of normal ‘gambling’ no. Too risky. Far too risky. And yes, it does sound like he’s a bit addictive.

Hmmm so he pays the mortgage ? Could you afford to do so if he couldn’t ? If not you’re financially vulnerable.

Isn’t there anything else he wants to do? Couldn’t he use some of his redundancy to retrain and save the poker as a hobby (with clear loss limits etc which it sounds as though he doesn’t do at the moment) ?

My husband plays poker as a living so it can be done.

Are you claiming his tax free allowance?

Gambling isn't taxable so you are entitled to it.

www.gov.uk/marriage-allowance

I've played at a decent level for about 15 years. I know a lot of professional poker players. It's hard and time consuming.

He should have a bankroll and play tourneys and home games and if he can stay at a steady level then think about it.

Online is really hard. At a high level fine, but lower levels full of fish that really don't know what they are doing.

If you're in the SE then the vic has good players.

If he's winning £5 a day, it sounds like he's probably playing for very small stakes. If and when he moves up to bigger games, he will probably find they get much tougher.

He should get a job and play poker in his spare time. A fiver a day is frankly pathetic. Even if he gets to £100 a day, a few bad days will wipe him out. Play poker as a hobby, and if he genuinely makes significant money (ie enough to live on), regularly, then maybe he could turn pro.

Gambling successes should be measured over a long term period. Even the best poker players go through peaks and troughs, it's just a matter of whether the amount of money made in a year outweighs the amount lost. It's not just a case of breaking even when you have your normal bills to pay, plus travel and tournament entry fees.

My gut feeling is that a poker pro would be willing your partner to turn pro, because it's people like him who fund the "proper" professional.

Ataterf He moves up, loses then moves back down again. I'm not interested in poker so I don't know all the details. Went to the casino with him a couple of times but got bored.

I would be concerned. Not so much about the money, especially since you say he's done it before, so he's obviously pretty good. But the lifestyle and the impact on a person of spending all hours online interacting with non-people. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with that person. It's not a job, it's a way of life, and it's one that is pretty destructive.

My DH friend does it has for a long time for a living. He used to be so handsome and looked healthy - he looks grey, unhealthy and totally worn out.

I think it’s had a real impact on his health keeping the unhealthy hours and the general stress of it!! A lovely guy with a private education to boot. Just a waste.

It's possible since poker is basically fair, being you vs other players not you vs the house. But there have to be losers as well as winners, and there's no guarantee your DH won't be one of the losers. Indeed past form suggests he will be! He needs to have a bunch of cash as his bankroll, about a hundred times the 'buy in' for the games, which needs to be treated as a tool for his playing and not used to spend on other stuff. He and you need to be comfortable with that money being 'locked up', and with possible big swings in it.

IMHO he should be applying for salaried work first. Tell him he can only play poker after he's done his job applications.

I would only agree if he also had at least a part time job.

Although you are not married (you put DH in the title) I assume you own your home together as you mentioned a mortgage he pays towards? I would be worried sick that this could be at risk.

Does he want to develop a long term career that will see him to retirement or does he want to spend the rest of his working life in his pyjamas ?

I personally think a career is really important to developing one’s personality and existence. If he wants to be a proper person he needs to get another job.