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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want to bother with this guy.

59 replies

Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 08:38

I don't think I am, my friend does.

Guy I met at work, eventually after 8 months of flirting he asks me out. We go out. I end up paying for 85% of it. Had an ok time and agree to see him again. Invite him over in the week, but he vanishes for 3 weeks.

When he does get back in contact , he asks me out again but it's so last min that I'm always busy. I was off on holiday but said i could make time for a bit, to which he didn't reply for days and then I didn't want to- I felt the effort would be more than the fun.

In the new year, when I was back from holiday , I contacted him and tried to start s conversation, thinking maybe I had been too harsh. He cut me short and then I didn't hear from him , so I infriended him on Facebook and just forgot about it. 3 weeks after cutting me short ( he said he was going to the shop and would reply later) he messages and asks me out. But again it's last min and I've got plans. When I suggest many other days he just says he is busy. I followed my friends advice and said i wanted to meet up and am free any day this week, he just needs to say when. He ' liked ' that message and agsin I've not heard from him for 9 days. And this is the week I said I was free.

I can't be arsed at all and his lack of effort and communication is a huge turn off. My friend thinks I'm being a bit difficult. So, aibu to not want to go to the hastle of getting a baby sitter for a flakey flake of a man who still hasn't actually set up any date?

OP posts:
Graceflorrick · 28/01/2018 08:40

He’s not worth your time OP. Forget him.

Royalfuckup · 28/01/2018 08:40

Trust your own instincts.

This guy sounds flaky and it already appears you are not compatible.

Move on and don’t look back.

Horsemad · 28/01/2018 08:40

Good God, set yourself some standards and tell him to bugger off.

If he was keen you'd know about it.

WildIrishRose1 · 28/01/2018 08:42

YANBU. I'd worry about the attitude of your friend, though, if she thinks his behavior is acceptable.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 28/01/2018 08:42

He's using you as a filler when he's bored/doesn't have a better offer.
Walk away.

cornishmumtobe · 28/01/2018 08:43

I wouldn't have bothered with him half as long as you have - YANBU

pigeondujour · 28/01/2018 08:43

he just needs to say when

Don't tell him or any bloke this! Absolutely don't bother with him again. Men as a rule bite your hand off to see you and to pay if they're interested and worth bothering with.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 08:44

My standards are fine thank you. My friend thinks I'm too harsh and they are too high and that's why I've been single for so long.

And I think if hes messing me about so much now then imagine how awful it would be in 6 months time. Id rather stay single.

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 28/01/2018 08:44

Your friend thinks you're being difficult?!

Ditch him.

And possibly also your friend! Joking. But maybe not go to her for boyfriend advice! I'd have ditched this fella a long time ago. He's not that interested. He's offering to meet up at short notice as you're the back up plan. you're worth more than that Flowers

puddleduckmummy · 28/01/2018 08:44

God he sounds exhausting! I'd give him a miss, but agree with PP that I'd be worried that your friend thinks this is ok behaviour

WhooooAmI24601 · 28/01/2018 08:45

Oh no, no, no. If he genuinely was interested he'd have carved out a definite time for you. He's just looking for an ego boost.

rjay123 · 28/01/2018 08:46

Already sounding more effort than it’s worth.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 08:48

That's all what I think.
She thinks men have to be encouraged and maybe I've come across not Interested to him. So, my ' I am free anytime this week was a last ditch attempt. But since he has done nothing with that info , I feel I was right and she still thinks i should message him.

OP posts:
insomniac123 · 28/01/2018 09:07

He sounds like hard work and a game player. Steer clear if I were you! And don't take relationship advice from this particular friend, I am sure she's a lovely friend but possibly not an Great source of advice.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 09:13

Shes been married for forever so has maybe just forgot?

Anyway, I was done with this week's ago and it was just her saying I should chase him up that kicked it off again.

OP posts:
babyccinoo · 28/01/2018 09:14

I would have written him off the first time he vanished for 3 weeks.

QueenofSerene · 28/01/2018 09:18

Definitely ditch him! I had a similar experience with a guy and suddenly he popped out of the woodworks one day and I told him I was seeing someone else now and suddenly he was all hurt with a “Oh so I’ve missed the boat with you then?” Like yes you fcking numpty! There’s a difference between incompatible schedules and someone just using you for when it’s convenient to them.

I’m glad I ditched him because the guy I was seeing is now my DH, our daughter just turned one a few days ago and #2 is due this week.

Stick with your instincts and ignore your friend.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 09:20

I did!
I haven't been out with him since and made no moves to accommodate him asking me. There was no way I was going to cancel my already made plans when he had done that.

OP posts:
sexnotgender · 28/01/2018 09:22

Forget about him, he’s not interested.

Thatsnotmybody · 28/01/2018 09:30

I think sometimes married friends can be so desperate to see you with someone that they ignore any red flags in the pursuit of a relationship... Ignore her, you've done more than enough and he's shown he's not interested except when hes at a loose end.

pictish · 28/01/2018 09:36

Oh look no. There is no enthusiasm on his part whatsoever...why would you bother at all? I would be looking for someone with a bit of spark, motivation and positivity, not this negative, boring exchange of couldn’t-care-less. Don’t you want a man who fancies you rotten and can’t wait to see to see you again? Course you do!
Your mate’s expectations are low but that’s her problem isn’t it? Sack that shit.

DownWithThisSortaThing · 28/01/2018 09:37

Oh god no, ignore your friend. I couldn't be arsed with someone like that either. You've made enough effort and he hasn't so forget him.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 09:44

I already did.
I have so much good stuff going on that he hasnt been any kind of any thought. And I've got so much good stuff coming up that i don't want to waste time with idiots.

I'm sure my friend means well. She knows I would like a boyfriend. Just, I want a good one, not just anyone.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 28/01/2018 09:46

I'm not sure your standards are fine - you gave him way too many chances before deciding he was a waste of space. Smile

And your friend's standards are DEFINITELY too low! Grin

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 09:49

Oh. Speak of the devil- he has just messaged me....a smiling puppy. Fgs and sent me a friend request.

Seriously.

This is a 42 year old man.
Fuck that.

OP posts: