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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to not want to bother with this guy.

59 replies

Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 08:38

I don't think I am, my friend does.

Guy I met at work, eventually after 8 months of flirting he asks me out. We go out. I end up paying for 85% of it. Had an ok time and agree to see him again. Invite him over in the week, but he vanishes for 3 weeks.

When he does get back in contact , he asks me out again but it's so last min that I'm always busy. I was off on holiday but said i could make time for a bit, to which he didn't reply for days and then I didn't want to- I felt the effort would be more than the fun.

In the new year, when I was back from holiday , I contacted him and tried to start s conversation, thinking maybe I had been too harsh. He cut me short and then I didn't hear from him , so I infriended him on Facebook and just forgot about it. 3 weeks after cutting me short ( he said he was going to the shop and would reply later) he messages and asks me out. But again it's last min and I've got plans. When I suggest many other days he just says he is busy. I followed my friends advice and said i wanted to meet up and am free any day this week, he just needs to say when. He ' liked ' that message and agsin I've not heard from him for 9 days. And this is the week I said I was free.

I can't be arsed at all and his lack of effort and communication is a huge turn off. My friend thinks I'm being a bit difficult. So, aibu to not want to go to the hastle of getting a baby sitter for a flakey flake of a man who still hasn't actually set up any date?

OP posts:
Horsemad · 28/01/2018 09:51

I"d have blocked him ages ago!

DogsDoodahs · 28/01/2018 09:51

Good grief no. What a waste of headspace. Add up all the time you’ve spent on this man; you could have invented something or at least done several crosswords.

Your friend is quite mad. Men have to be encouraged?! I’ve got an image of her cooing through some guy’s letterbox, waving a biscuit.

Pfft to that.

DriggleDraggle · 28/01/2018 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 28/01/2018 09:56

“I’ve got an image of her cooing through some guy’s letterbox, waving a biscuit.“

That’s brilliant.

gamerwidow · 28/01/2018 09:57

A man that is really into you does not need to be encouraged. He is using you as a stop gap when all his other offers fall through. You are well rid.

Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 10:49

Well.
Mystery solved.

I called him out on it. He tried to say I wasn't chatty either but I said I had been and showed examples. And he said yeah he was sorry. But would go for a drink if I wanted. I said it was hsrd to have a conversation with someone if it was one sided and seems like they are not interested. He said he didn't know but again would go for a drink if I wanted. I said why would I waste my time and he said he didn't know, that he hasnt said he wasn't interested.

Anyway. Obviously he's a head fuck and I did right by calling him out and putting an end to it. But- Jesus wept. Fucks sake.

OP posts:
insomniac123 · 28/01/2018 10:58

If you want... if you want.... Hmm
Seriously hard work! You're well rid!

LemonShark · 28/01/2018 11:01

lol your friend is nuts.

Your standards aren't fine. You gave him too many chances when he'd already prove himself unreliable and uninterested.

Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 11:24

I didn't give him too many because I never met with him again!

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 28/01/2018 11:30

Urgh, what a dick. He is just after the ego boost of you wanting him, he isn't really interested (but bet he would go for a booty call). Well done for getting rid. Block him, or i guarantee you will be getting more puppy faces and shit like that.

DriggleDraggle · 28/01/2018 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 28/01/2018 11:34

He's a time waster and your friend is daft - sorry! YANBU!

BewareOfDragons · 28/01/2018 11:36

Just block him.

He is wasting your time.

Your friend is nuts if she thinks any man is better than no man. Thankfully, you seem to know better. Tell her if she thinks this is reasonable behaviour, she should try to date him.

Abracadabraapileofbollocks · 28/01/2018 11:36

God he's a complete timewaster. I'd never be following up on the classic cheater giveaway of only being available at short notice and never commiting to suggested days etc. Noone is asking him to make you a top priority in an early relationship, but he should at least seem keen!

Aeroflotgirl · 28/01/2018 11:40

No I woukdent bother with him, hTe unreliable guys who game play.

mustlovedogs · 28/01/2018 11:40

No way. Block him. Sounds exhausting!

Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 11:43

He isn't married , but could possibly be in a relationship. Who knows? Don't care and it's nothing to do with me.
After he vanished the first time I was done, strike one and you are out. But she said that's why I'm single as I don't give people a chance and maybe I wasn't being open enough to him and giving clear signals.

I've been single a very long time so thought about it and thought that possibly I could have been over rigid on my standards. And tried. And ended up with this mess.

Rigid standards all the way! I guess being married for 25 yesrs she's looking at it from a different way. But.

OP posts:
Mellodrama · 28/01/2018 11:47

Oh I cba with him Hmm

Trills · 28/01/2018 11:50

My friend thinks I'm too harsh and they are too high and that's why I've been single for so long.

Your friend seems to think it's better to have a not-great boyfriend than no boyfriend.

imagine how awful it would be in 6 months time

Exactly! You are absolutely right here.

LemonSqueezy0 · 28/01/2018 12:00

No, you're right so don't doubt yourself. He's very clearly wasting your time, for whatever reason, so why would you need to give him chance after chance?! You don't owe him that. He's an adult, he doesn't need to be enticed, or convinced.

Onwards and upwards OP

MadMags · 28/01/2018 12:04

You did right.

If I could gently suggest though...you’re sounding a tiny bit defensive about people saying raise your standards but from an outside perspective - just because you didn’t meet him again, doesn’t mean you didn’t give him too many chances.

You kept replying, you kept agreeing to meet even if it didn’t actually happen, you told him you were free for him to name the time!

I just think maybe it’s that stuff you need to hold off on. Life is way too short for more than a couple of chances! And that’s not limited to physically meeting up.

FinallyHere · 28/01/2018 12:22

that he hasnt said he wasn't interested.

Goodness me, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck but doesn't actually go round saying I'm a duck

You can take it, that it's a duck

trills has it with this. Your friend seems to think it's better to have a not-great boyfriend than no boyfriend.

and MadMags re too many chances You kept replying, you kept agreeing to meet even if it didn’t actually happen, you told him you were free for him to name the time!

Goodness for MN, good, no its great advice.

FizzyGreenWater · 28/01/2018 12:55

Oh PLEEEEEEASE

I'm bored to tears just thinking of his very existence.

Your friend is a complete doormat.

Quiddichcup · 28/01/2018 13:22

I've had to block him. I then had a stream of messages about how nice I am and that hes an idiot and wants to go out .

OP posts:
Trills · 28/01/2018 13:27

You are nice.
He is an idiot.
That's not your problem :)