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Original poster

to find this so sad (dinosaur attitude to gay marriage)

100 replies

Schwanengesang · 28/01/2018 07:34

Can't really discuss this in real life, noone wants to continue to hear me whinge about my parents' attitudes to everything.

Was on the phone to parents today and they said they've got a wedding invitation to the wedding of two of my dad's old colleagues (both women).

Mother said "isn't it ridiculous, at their age. Disgusting, rubbing everyone's noses in it like we should all think they're clever or something. People like that never stop going on about themselves."

I enquired what was so unusually self-regarding about two people getting married (people who have been together since about 1983, and who have only just in the last few weeks acquired the legal right to get married in their country).

My dad said "Well everyone's always known about them, why they think they have to have a bloody wedding just to show off now, heaven only knows."

I said "well, good for them, isn't it great that they can finally get married after all these years. Please do pass on my congratulations and best wishes" and firmly changed the subject.

It is just so, so sad that there are still people who think like my parents do. I guess it is very unusual that once people make a positive personality trait of being "discerning" insular, critical, bigoted they should ever acquire the self-insight to realise that their views are repellent.

OP posts:
Dozer · 28/01/2018 08:43

Sorry your parents are like this. Being older is no excuse for being bigoted.

WhooooAmI24601 · 28/01/2018 08:43

I work with a woman who feels this way. She's entirely against gay marriage and believes it devalues the sanctity of her own (she's religious, unsure if that's why she's so against it or just who she is).

When my younger sister married her girlfriend a few years ago the woman asked if we'd be taking the DCs to the wedding. I said yes, that they adore my sister and her fiancee even more so and she was genuinely horrified that two young children would be exposed to a gay wedding. We tend to avoid the subject now but it surprised me so much at the time that someone could be so vehemently against something which brings joy to many yet is so wholly unconnected to their own happiness.

KanielOutis · 28/01/2018 08:51

Yes it was the UK.

BashStreetKid · 28/01/2018 08:55

It's abhorrent to me when the older generations have such racist/homophobic views

Entire older generations? Really? There are plenty of member of older generations who don't hold views like those; and unfortunately there are also plenty of members of "younger generations" who do.

Tequilaitmakesmestupid · 28/01/2018 09:05

I'm a woman marrying another woman (wedding fayre today actually Grin ) and whereas my parents love my DP to pieces, I was brought up hearing similar comments OP- "why do they feel the need to come out?" "Why do they have to rub our faces in it?" etc. It's blatant homophobia, however you package it up.

For those of you defending people's right to their opinion, I'm sorry, but I'm getting tired of comments like this. Yes, we live in a free country, with free speech and that's a wonderful, fought for thing. However, for example, we do not accept racist comments anymore and if someone had come on here and said, 'my parents don't want black people moving to their village', I doubt we would have had the same 'different generation... different views' replies. Could somebody please explain the difference? Because as far as I can see it, there isn't any.

I think we have become far too tolerant of intolerance in this form. Age is not an excuse.

Original poster
Schwanengesang · 28/01/2018 09:45

Well said, and warmest congrats on your wedding, Tequila!

OP posts:
LAlady · 28/01/2018 09:58

DH and I went to a gay wedding in a church last year. I know the ladies involved were very selective about who they invited knowing that many people hold the same views as yours (and my) parents.

crunchymint · 28/01/2018 10:05

I know a number of lesbians in their 50's, 60's and 70's who have nothing to do with family because their family are very anti gay. Lesbian and gay people used to be legally sacked from jobs because of their sexuality. Thankfully those who are in charge in Government no longer think this is all okay. But there are still plenty of people who do think it was okay.

crunchymint · 28/01/2018 10:08

infinite It was only in the 1980's that the first lesbian couple won the right to keep their kids in a court case. Basically if the father challenged the mother having the kids, up until that point, the father always won no matter what the facts of the case. Lots of lesbian mothers had their kids taken from them.

brizzledrizzle · 28/01/2018 10:21

*It's abhorrent to me when the older generations have such racist/homophobic views

Entire older generations? Really?*

Re-read my post; I didn't say 'the whole of the older generations'

SilverySurfer · 28/01/2018 10:31

brizzledrizzle
It's abhorrent to me when the older generations have such racist/homophobic views

Really? It's abhorrent to me when someone of any age has racist/homophobic views.

There are plenty of younger ones too you know.

crunchymint · 28/01/2018 10:32

Except surveys show that when it comes to homophobia, that older people are more likely to be homophobic. I think younger people are more likely to be racist though.

Trills · 28/01/2018 10:41

everyone's always known about them, why they think they have to have a bloody wedding just to show off

I'm going to consider all weddings "just showing off" now :o

crunchymint · 28/01/2018 10:46

Many people used to think they were tolerant of gay people with those attitudes.

BonnieF · 28/01/2018 10:54

It’s unrealistic to expect everyone who grew up in a world in which the practice of ‘sodomy’ between two men was a criminal offence to become enlightened liberals later in life.

Times change, and social attitudes can change quite quickly, particularly when the liberal view completely dominates public discourse and the older generation no longer recognise their own country. In this climate, it is inevitable that some people will be left behind.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 28/01/2018 10:57

Well, the happy couple will be relieved to have such people at their wedding.
And I agree it's not isolated to older people, I was on a school trip last year and I could hear girls (mainly) and boys shouting someone down. I asked what was going in and a boy (year 10) had said that gay people were unnatural and should be imprisoned or killed (like they are in his birth country), cue righteous indignation. (His father is also a minister in a very rigid branch Of Christianity, but he's only in his 40s, so age not a factor)

flirtygirl · 28/01/2018 11:26

Being anti gay mattiagr isnt beong homophobic though. The two atent automatically jooned. Like other have said they know gays who are anti gay mattiagr as do i.

Many thing marriage is between a man and a woman and gay people have civil partnership.

I hate it when people use the word homophobic just becuse someone doesnt agree 100% with gay matriage.

It the same as being called a terf because i dont want to be called cis.

crunchymint · 28/01/2018 11:29

Of course it is homophobic.

BonnieF · 28/01/2018 11:33

I agree that the inconsistency in the laws about marriage, which is available to everyone, and civil partnership, which is only available to same-sex couples, is problematic and could cause resentment.

Civil partnership should be open to everyone, or it should be abolished.

Trills · 28/01/2018 11:39

Being anti gay mattiagr isnt beong homophobic though

Yes it is.

You think that there are things that straight people should be allowed to do and gay people should not be allowed to do.

Trills · 28/01/2018 11:42

Rather than abolish civil partnership, let's abolish legal marriage.

Everyone who wants to be legally joined with another person has to go to the registry office and do it.

Everyone can then if they wish have whatever non-legally-binding ceremony or celebration or religious service they please.

WhollyFather · 28/01/2018 11:54

It doesn't matter what the law currently says, a man cannot be married to another man or a woman to another woman, and it is not homophobic to say so. Same sex couples have civil partnerships to ensure their rights but it simply is not a marriage, which is by very definition between a man and a woman. None of the gays of my acquaintance have bothered with it, that's for sure.

And Trills ... trying to impose 'equality' by levelling down ... how very socialist.

Trills · 28/01/2018 12:01

If you had understood my suggestion I think you would have liked it, WhollyFather.

You would be able to use the word "marriage" in whatever restrictive ways you and your religion prefer.

Legal rights and protections would be granted only to those who had entered into a legally-binding contract. You say you don't care what the law says, so perhaps you would prefer to opt out of all of that.

pointythings · 28/01/2018 12:02

I like the way it's done in the Netherlands - your marriage is not valid unless it has been performed in a registry office. You can have all the religious ceremonies you want, but they do not make you married. And the rules are the same for everyone, gay or straight.

Oh, and it is homophobic to object to gay marriage because it means you want to exclude a section of society and give them fewer rights than the rest. There are no sensible arguments in favour of 'marriage is between a man and a woman' which cannot be easily shot down. However, you cannot argue with bigoted, nor with stupid - common sense is something homophobes do not have.

Trills · 28/01/2018 12:11

That's pretty much what I was suggesting pointythings - except since we have the choice of two words for the legal joining, I htink we should use "civil partnership", since "marriage" has so much historical baggage associated with it.