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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why little girls seem to be preferred?

552 replies

foxtaildream · 27/01/2018 18:27

Is it just me who has noticed this?

OP posts:
BellMcEnd · 30/01/2018 11:18

God, there really are some absolutely batshit comments on this thread. petbear I’m appalled at your attitude Hmm

JacquesHammer · 30/01/2018 11:23

Not rubbish! I am speaking FACTS my dear - FACTS. PEOPLE PREFER GIRLS TO BOYS

@petbear can you post links to some of these FACTS please?

I'm sure you're not suggesting that anecdotes are evidence

jellycat1 · 30/01/2018 11:25

Love your user name bellmcend
By the way - I assume your friend is your close friend as opposed to your loose friend - or maybe she's both?! Grin

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 30/01/2018 11:27

If i could be arsed i would go through the thread and see how even it is

I might be arsed...

louise055 · 30/01/2018 11:28

Wow there's some absolutely vile comments on here, I'm truly shocked

@petbear
Are you going to spout the same shit to your daughters if/when they decide to have children? What if they have boys, how will you feel about being a grandmother to boys?

MyOtherProfile · 30/01/2018 11:29

I've got one of each and have never noticed more negativity towards one gender over the other. I really wanted one of each so feel lucky.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 30/01/2018 11:31

Yep

No

It appears I can't be arsed...

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 30/01/2018 11:33

I wanted one of each

But i am one of each if that makes sense so that might be part of it

The only people who have ever expressed a preference ( i am excluding those who have a boy and want a girl and vice versa) to me both wanted boys

sunshinestorm · 30/01/2018 11:40

I feel overall there is a preference for 'one of each' in society but girls in general seem to be favoured...

Whenever there is a thread about gender swaying methods it is ALWAYS about getting a girl. All the replies from people who have experience with it also did it to in attempt to get a girl.

Ditto gender disappointment threads. Nearly always women wanting girls... and so very often you get women who already have a daughter who are gutted that their second pregnancy is a boy! Confused Also a lot of women having their first baby who are disappointed with a boy. The only women ever disappointed with a girl (which is rare) are ones who already have daughters and no son.

Obviously that is not the case for everybody and many women are happy with whatever... but I reckon statistically more women want girls. I don't understand why.

OneOfTheGrundys · 30/01/2018 11:44

Verrrry odd comments on here. petbear appears to write off 50% of the population and their ability to maintain caring and healthy relationships!

2 DS here. Our family relationships are all fine and functional I think?!

KatnissMellark · 30/01/2018 11:47

There are some weird AF attitudes on this thread

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 30/01/2018 11:47

If you dont put FACT in then it doesnt count

I have learnt that on mumsnet

FACT

sunshinestorm · 30/01/2018 11:49

Re gender dissapointment.. sometimes I feel the ones who will likely end up the most disappointed are the ones who do actually end up with their 'desired' gender because often they have all these expectations. How will they feel if their 2 girls don't share a sisterly bond, have nothing in common and barely see each other as adults? How will they feel if their daughter grows up and moves far away for a career or travelling with only occasional visits, chooses not to have a family ect? A lot of it seems to be about ideas of mother/daughter bonds, staying close, choosing a wedding dress together Hmm and crap like that. What happens if none of that happens (which is a very real possibility from the mothers I know in real life with older daughters)

HoppingPavlova · 30/01/2018 11:58

When I was pregnant with my first I wanted a girl. Because I am a girl and I thought I would understand a girl better all round. My husband wanted a boy for exactly the same reason. I would think we want what we are most familiar with which is essentially ourselves?

Of course when I had the baby it didn’t matter whether girl or boy - it was like a weird little alien had landed and being intimately familiar with one gender (my own) was of absolutely no benefit when the only relevant things were feeding, changing and settling the little alien. Then of course you grew with them in regards to whatever gender they were and realised how ridiculous you were wanting the same gender as yourself so that you would ‘better understand your child’.

Chienrouge · 30/01/2018 12:00

I don’t like shopping (I shop online) and my mum doesn’t drink coffee. We must have an awful relationship.
My brother died in his 20’s but before that he had a closer relationship with my mum than I did. They even went shopping together Grin.

GrumbleBumble · 30/01/2018 12:29

petbear I am female I had no preference for gender and I love my son more than words (had he been a girl I'm 100% sure I would have love her just as much). Your made up FACT that all women want a girl is nonsense. I wanted a child. After years of infertility, miscarriage and fearing I would never be a mother the babies gender really was the least of my concerns but even before we started TTC I have no preference. In fact my baby doll when I was little was a boy - so perhaps I secretly craved one after all.

You can prefer your girls - you can feel smugly that you are some how better and your girl making husband is somehow superior to those that had sons but do not try to tell me that my son is some kind of consolation prize and I'd really rather have had a girl. Do not tell all sons that their mothers didn't really want them and actually want daughters.

Drop all this girls are better/ boys are better, girls are.... / boys do .... gender stereotyping guff and accept that every child is unique and that any one who decides a certain gender is better is setting themselves up for disappointment because there is no guarantee that any child will conform to this gendered nonsense.

The men don't see their mothers and girls are nicer because they are less likely to play messy/rough has nothing to do with the set of genitals a baby has and everything to do with the messages we send as a society and the sooner it all stops the better.

If we raise sons to think they are expected to leave their family when they grow up and daughters to feel its their duty/responsibility to stay close at hand is it any surprise that they do? Raise all children with an equal sense of responsibility and understanding that they are free to live their own lives and pursue their own dreams without parroting trite nonsense about "daughters for life" and see what happens. Look at the mother/son bond in cultures that place a high value on that relationship it to see that it is not a function of having a penis to not see your parents once you reach adulthood it is a function of being raised to believe you are expected to trot of to your female partners parents instead.

PinkCrystal · 30/01/2018 12:36

Petbear

As you have never had a boy how do you know you would hate your own son? I bet your DH would adore having a son if it were his.

I am a former smog and my mum and gran are extreme smogs (smug mum of girls) I was nowhere near as bad but they brainwashed me into thinking girls were better. Now I have boys they are converts and adore them and see what they spouted was bullcrap. I make sure I stress to my own DC that gender stereotypes are bullshit and boys and girls equally lovely.

I have 5 DC and a mix of DD and DS and so far had 4 teenagers 2 of each & can confirm you are talking bollocks as:

My son's get on better and are really close than Dds who fought terribly as teens

My teenage son's are very happy to be seen with me or go for coffee

That's just for starters..

I agree with the poster above that said Parents need to treat their offspring as individuals, rather than as their gender stereotypes.

Btw I also am a HCP and see lots of son's taking great care of their aged parents. Those spouting gendered stereotypes are making things very hard for equality and those of us bringing our kids up as individuals.

Your daughters am sure are lovely but that's as they are individuals not because they have a certain private organ.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 30/01/2018 12:40

chien

My dad has tea

He did get annoyed with himself when he saw 'coffee with rufus' on his calendar...but he has now changed this to 'T with rufus'

Of course it's slightly concerning that he is putting rufus on the calendar Grin

Thiswayorthatway · 30/01/2018 12:42

I am female and have 2 x DS', happy with healthy DC, wouldn't have cared if they were DD's. I love all my nieces and nephews equally.

VillageFete · 30/01/2018 12:59

petbear Your post actually disgusted me. My DP goes for meals with his mum and our DD fairly often. His brother goes out for meals with his mother almost weekly, he is a classic “mummy’s boy” He loves spending his time with her. You sound like you think you are superior for having daughters? I say this as a mother of a daughter.

I am currently undergoing IVF treatment. My DP has a strong preference for a boy. I totally understand why. Male members of my family and all our male friends have always said they want a son. Lots didn’t get them. They idolise their DD’s but hand on heart they ALL hoped one child would be a son. Maybe your husband is in the minority...

I see nothing wrong at all with a preference. I say this as someone who has had years of heartache with fertility struggles.

Anatidae · 30/01/2018 14:35

Why is having 2 children seen as the ideal? I know you have the BOGOF aspect but when I was born in the 80s most families seem to have 3 or 4 kids.

If everyone has roughly two kids and they all have roughly two kids, after a hundred years you still have the same size population

If everyone has 4, then in a hundred years there will be 25 x as many people on the planet. If everyone had 4 kids with a twenty year generation time and western survival rates we would be utterly fucked.

Hence two is seen as optimal. Obviously that’s an average - some have none so some have a few more, but families like the radfords would have us all hurtling towards planetary doom.

getsorted21 · 30/01/2018 14:40

There is a world of difference between the Radfords & having 2. I believe the birth rate is now about 1.8.

JJPP123 · 30/01/2018 14:42

Argh imagine if the Radcliffe kids all had 20 children. It would be impossible to know all the grandkids names.

Mummyontherun86 · 30/01/2018 14:44

I have boys. They are just the best but I too have been made to feel they aren’t as good. Even nursery staff seem to prefer the small little girls (and let them get away with murder!)

Rebeccaslicker · 30/01/2018 14:46

It makes me sad that there are preferences for either in any culture, tbh. Boys and girls are both wonderful. I am intrigued that my second baby is a girl, as I never had a sister, so it will be interesting to see how that relationship plays out (at the moment DD1 just hits me in the bump Hmm), but either would have been lovely.

(As for the garbage spouted by petbear about boys, don't rise to it - she's nothing but a massive hairy hander trying to stir up shit!)

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