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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting DD in the shower/bath...

56 replies

scarletslass · 26/01/2018 19:52

...fully clothed?

DD (almost 3) is testing her boundaries atm, and being rather stubborn. I was trying to get her into the bath (with the shower running over it as it fills), but she was refusing to get undressed. Rather than end up having another shouting session, I said to her that if she didn't let me undress her, I'd put in her the bath fully clothed. She carried on messing about, so I picked her up and stood her under the shower.

To be clear, the shower/bath was nice and warm, I did it gently and without yelling, and she just looked a bit surprised and said it doesn't feel nice. I helped her out, got her undressed and then we had a nice, fun bath.

DP thinks this was a bit cruel. I think it was a better option than a shouting match and made the point that I'd do what I say I will if she doesn't behave. Who is right?

OP posts:
Wellmeetontheledge · 26/01/2018 19:55

I think that was the best way to do it. No anger and she learns the consequences of wet clothes.

Alpacaandgo · 26/01/2018 19:57

Made your point.nothing wrong with that. Dd will think twice now before putting her foot down next time.

I don't think you were harsh at all and you were in the right. Bath time next time will be so much more pleasant for everyone.

Atticusss · 26/01/2018 19:57

I think it's fine. My OH and probably most others I think will disagree though.

Atticusss · 26/01/2018 19:59

Pretty sure it would backfire with mine though and they would then tantrum to have a bath with clothes on every time. Hmm

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 26/01/2018 20:01

IMO what you did was fine.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 26/01/2018 20:02

& yes it would also backfire with mine... Hmm

Cmlcml · 26/01/2018 20:04

I have to agree with your oh, it sounds slightly cruel.

TuckMyWin · 26/01/2018 20:10

I've done it. Only once, didn't need to more than that! Don't see a problem with it. It's not like you dowsed her in cold water and left her shivering.

MustBeThursday · 26/01/2018 20:12

That sounds fine - you gave her the instruction, told her what would happen if she didn't do as told, and you stuck to it. Better than shouting and forcibly stripping her off, surely? She now knows she doesn't like being in the bath with clothes on, so will probably decide to undress next time!

louiseaaa · 26/01/2018 20:15

Perfectly reasonable thing to do, she won't do it again.

At the other end of the day I only had to take my son in his PJ's to school once. (Clothes handed to teacher in a bag, with prior agreement)

Hippydippydoo · 26/01/2018 20:19

There's no harm in some wet clothes, I'd probably do the same in that situation.

I don't agree that its cruel, she was in a warm bath, in the safety of her home, with a mother that loves her.

I'm sure she learnt her lesson and it's far more effective than shouting.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 26/01/2018 20:24

I think that's fine - you were just demonstrating why people take their clothes off before going in the bath/shower so she doesn't have to take your word for it!

I did similar with ds on the way to nursery on a cold, rainy day. He could have put on his jumper at any time!

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/01/2018 20:25

I don’t see why it is cruel. Cruel would be shouting at her or pulling her clothes off angrily, being deliberately rough while she screams and flails.

MarSeeAh · 26/01/2018 20:26

Sounds fine to me, and it worked!

BendydickCuminsnatch · 26/01/2018 20:26

No, not cruel. Sensible! Can't bloody stand negotiating. It's like asking them to put their coat on a thousand times.... no, just go without and if they're cold they'll want their coat on. Internal locus of control and all that, very positive!! :)

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 26/01/2018 20:27

Did it years ago with ds x3. Never did them any harm - in fact they will know you don't hand out empty threats which is a good thing!! Grin

2sly4you · 26/01/2018 20:28

You were lucky. What if she had preferred it? Then you'd be proper fucked every bathtime!

Pollaidh · 26/01/2018 20:28

I'd do that.

PerfectlyDone · 26/01/2018 20:28

Yep, I've done that too.

I think as long as it is not done because you've lost your cool and not in a punitive manner, it is absolutely a way to teach about actions/consequences.

I only ever did it once, he never fought like that again Grin

scramwich · 26/01/2018 20:29

Of course it's not cruel Hmm

supersop60 · 26/01/2018 20:29

Clear boundaries. Well done OP, and achieved without a row!

Bratsandtwats · 26/01/2018 20:29

Has this been posted before or am I having deja vu?

DrSeuss · 26/01/2018 20:30

I once stood with DS on the front steps in midwinter with him wearing only a vest and nappy. He was about two and was refusing to be dressed. Overtime i tried to dress him, he'd thrash about and I was by myself so had no one to help. I just told him that was OK, we'd just go out without bothering to put any clothes on him. After a few minutes of me praying the neighbours wouldn't call Social Services, he decided to let me dress him and never tried that one again!
Warm water need hurt anyone.

LillyBugg · 26/01/2018 20:40

Sounds fine to me. Can't see what's cruel about it. Just hope she doesn't ask you to do it every time. My 3yo asks me to countdown for everything now after I once counted down to get out the bath. Little sod.

hettie · 26/01/2018 20:41

Not cruel, your just helping her understand the natural consequence of of not taking your clothes off when you need to get in a bath. I used this idea with D's over coats. My job to provide him with a coat, remind him to put it on. But not a useful thing to override his felt sense of not needing it because i know what he's feeling. Only he can know his feelings/sensations. Plus I'm buggered if I'm wrestling a screaming thrashing toddler into a coat.Grin. Turns out Ds (now older) runs a bit hot and can happily potter about in a t-shirt in January....