Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting DD in the shower/bath...

56 replies

scarletslass · 26/01/2018 19:52

...fully clothed?

DD (almost 3) is testing her boundaries atm, and being rather stubborn. I was trying to get her into the bath (with the shower running over it as it fills), but she was refusing to get undressed. Rather than end up having another shouting session, I said to her that if she didn't let me undress her, I'd put in her the bath fully clothed. She carried on messing about, so I picked her up and stood her under the shower.

To be clear, the shower/bath was nice and warm, I did it gently and without yelling, and she just looked a bit surprised and said it doesn't feel nice. I helped her out, got her undressed and then we had a nice, fun bath.

DP thinks this was a bit cruel. I think it was a better option than a shouting match and made the point that I'd do what I say I will if she doesn't behave. Who is right?

OP posts:
PerfectlyDone · 26/01/2018 20:42

I was once quite embarrassed and feeling guilty when I rocked up nursery with one of mine still in his PJs with his clothes in a bag because he had absolutely and point-blank refused that morning to get dressed.
The nursery worker did not miss a beat, took DS and his bag and told him they'd get him dressed when he had enough of being in his PJs.
Apparently, he agreed to get dressed about 30 seconds after I had left Grin

Again, he never kicked up a stink like that about getting dressed in the morning again. And his nursery worker told me later that they had seen it all before....

Lemonnaise · 26/01/2018 20:44

No it's not cruel, it had the desired effect so I don't see a problem with it.

Dalg · 26/01/2018 20:50

I think it is a bit cruel but I have a dc who would not cope well if I had done it to him.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 26/01/2018 20:53

Brilliant! IME, the tantrums always started when they were overtired, so I brought the bedtime routine forward an hour, now we only get tantrums if we're out late because of clubs.

Original poster
scarletslass · 26/01/2018 20:54

Thanks all. Those saying it was a bit cruel, what alternatives would you suggest? Don't want to have to keep doing the same thing, or just yelling if she plays up again - or says ok to to getting in fully clothed which is a distinct possibility!

OP posts:
Original poster
scarletslass · 26/01/2018 20:56

She's definitely worse if she's overtired, so we do try and get her to bed before that happens, but can't always catch it in time.

OP posts:
hp2 · 26/01/2018 20:56

I have done it, it defused the situation and we still talk and laugh about it now!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 26/01/2018 20:56

Pretty sure it would backfire with mine though and they would then tantrum to have a bath with clothes on every time

^^ this Grin

GroggyFroggy · 26/01/2018 21:00

I’m having deja vu. Have you posted this before? Pretty much word for word?

GroggyFroggy · 26/01/2018 21:01

bratsandtwats cross post sorry Grin

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 26/01/2018 21:05

DD's the same hettie, she went to Snow Zone and said it was "slightly chilly" at -8! Shock❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄⛄

Batteriesallgone · 26/01/2018 21:06

Did she want a bath but not want to get undressed? Or not want a bath at all?

In the first scenario I don’t think it’s cruel. In the second I do.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 26/01/2018 21:09

Batteries would you not have given her a bath then? The bath would have been non-negotiable.

badg3r · 26/01/2018 21:12

I think it's fine. As long as it's done in a measured manner with no malice, they are learning that you say things for a reason and that you follow through on consequences. Thank your lucky stars she didn't really enjoy it Wink

pointythings · 26/01/2018 21:14

Sounds fine to me. Reminds me of the day DD1 refused to put her shoes on for school. So I took her in shoeless. In February. Not a long walk, just from the car into the school, and I had her shoes in a stealth bag with me. She got cold feet, I gave her the shoes, we had a good cuddle and she never did it again.

Original poster
scarletslass · 26/01/2018 21:14

No, not posted before, sorry if it's the same as someone else.
She just didn't want to get undressed, was messing about pulling faces at herself in the mirror (and licking it...). There was no particular issue about having the bath as such.

OP posts:
Imnotposhjustquaint · 26/01/2018 21:14

I’ve done this before op.

My DD sounds very similar to yours.

Original poster
scarletslass · 26/01/2018 21:16

Loving the tales of pjs, coats and shoes etc - I'm sure I'll be doing some of those in the future too!

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 26/01/2018 21:17

I've done it too, and was very close to taking a child to school in pjs before he realised I meant what I said.

catwoozle · 26/01/2018 21:18

Sounds fine to me.

DD1 went to nursery in her pjs once. Only once!

kateandme · 26/01/2018 21:18

for me the difference was how you did it calmly.no anger or lashing out and losing control and therefore shoving her in fully clothed.just simply follow through action.
and so then her reaction from this showed she wasn't scared or put cruely on by out of control parent she just understood.
if that's making any sense(it does in my head)haha

DropZoneOne · 26/01/2018 21:21

Not worth arguing over. You set the boundary, explained the consequence and followed through. It was a harmless consequence, no-one was hurt. She knows you will do what you say.

Charolais · 26/01/2018 21:35

I threw a cup of cold water in my toddlers face when he was have a total melt-down temper tantrum. It cured him. He was a lovely little boy after that. He’s 29 now and normal and he likes me. I like him as well.

NewYearNiki · 26/01/2018 21:39

I read a post the other day about a mum who battled her 3 yo for 90 minutes to get her dressed.

I'd have taken her out in her pajamas. Eventually she would learn.

What you did was fine.

KimmySchmidt1 · 26/01/2018 21:40

I thought no as long as you wear it lightly and make it ridiculous rather than threatening or miserable then Its fine. Sometimes it helps children to see they are being absurd if they just get their own way.

But you should also try reasoning with her about how dirty and smelly she would Get if she didn’t wash.