To think I'm odd. I'm not wired properly.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

I am between jobs at the mo and with such a long gap until I start my next roll, I've taken a temp job somewhere that makes a popular TV talent show.

I'm 'behind the scenes' as in just office based (thankfully ) but still it's a pretty busy (the kids call it 'buzzy') place to work.

Now, I'm actually a nanny. I've never worked in an office before, so I don't know what is normal or not.

I'm struggling with 'people' to the point where I think there's something wrong with me!

There's four of us in our little bit and they seem nice enough, but I mean, I work with them all day. The first day at lunch, I took myself off to the canteen. A few minutes later, the four of them all trooped through and sat down with me, chatted all the way through lunch...I was devastated (LIGHTHEARTED!)

I honestly felt like I hadn't had had a break when I got back!

The second day I pretended I had to go to the bank, and for the last two days I found a little cafe down some winding backstreets that had basement seating.

What threw me on my first day was the woman next to me saying 'Tell me when you want to get a coffee' I was genuinely perplexed. I thought perhaps I had to ask her from a permission point of view.

It genuinely is annoying me when people want to take a coffee break with me, I feel like I can't have a moment's peace.

I don't think I have social anxiety As such as I like my friends. I do prefer having social engagements set up and planned though. I hate 'hanging out' not knowing what im doing and I can't bear surprise bumping into people.

Come to think of it this is reminding me of early school where at break I would seek out a little patch on the field to be on my own. I'd get so cross if people came and wanted me to play or talk with them. As far as I was concerned I'd been talkative with them all the bloody day in the classrooms. I hated 'joining in' games at birthday parties too.

How on earth I've managed to make and keep friends through the years is actually beyond me at the minute.

Am I odd? DP reckons that being sociable with people at work is what makes office work bearable...

Not odd no. Some people just value their own company more than others. It may be social anxiety too but if you are happy with your own company I dont see any issue. Obviously if you are unhappy there is things like CBT that can help.

you sound liek an introvert, you need some space to recharge your batteries. You colleagues sound liek extroverts, they interact with others to recharge their batteries.

I would be smiley and friendly and make a joke of it - Oh I am going to pop out for my lunch, I need a quiet half and hour in the day , otherwise I can't think! See you later.

I understand where you're coming from, perhaps you are introverted at times, perhaps you just don't want to always chat, and want your own space! Nothing wrong with that.

However it's worth me saying a couple of things. When you're coming to work in a new environment, old hands sometimes are being nice and "reaching out" to you so you can have an introductory chat, they get to know you, you know them, etc. It's typical British friendly office setup, bring you into the circle etc. And believe me it doesn't always happen!

Or, like you suggest, they're all natterers and expect you to want to be the same. Maybe in that case, join them and indulge them for one - show them who you are, a bit like an Attenborough film where the animals sniff each other to feel safe. Then, move on to your routine.

If though you just want to stick as you are and it's too painful to interact, then go right ahead, but remember that others too are probably insecure and are just trying to welcome you / figure you out. And in the creative industries there's a lot more extroverts (or people who think they are) than introverts

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. From what you’ve said you’re an introvert working with extroverts. You relax by having alone time and they want to chat! It’s fine - just different personalities. Where I work we are very aware of this and it’s ok to say: “I need some time out” or “would it ok not to chat”, but it sounds like your workplace isn’t like that.

Can you strike a balance? Have your cafe lunch every other day and then join the others on the alternate day? There is an element of making an effort to socialise at work and as you’re New it might help you in the long run?

Susan Caine’s book, Quiet, is excellent on understanding introversion!

I think maybe it’s just something you’re not used to but nothing you’ve described th doing sounds odd. They’re just trying to be friendly with you.

Imagine if the three of them had trooped in seen you and sat somewhere else. That’d be way worse.

Not odd at all. I've always found little spots that are quiet away from the people I spent all day with :)

Yeah I feel bad...it just feels like such hard work to be 'on' and social ALL the time. But everyone else there seems to manage it. They like it.

Im really not meaning this cheekily, but how do you manage when nannying? Surely thats much the same in terms of never getting peace to switch off

Well that's a fair question I supppse! I don't know. I love nannying. It's just a hugely different dynamic I think.

I totally get this!!!! Office work never worked for me because of the intimacy of sitting together all day. I was actually just reflecting on this the other day. I made good friendships in all previous jobs except offices where I was awkward and always felt like a social leper!

The last office I worked in were incredibly friendly and sociable and they did invite me along to things but it was always focused around alcohol which isn't my thing so I declined. It did mean I was always left out of banter and in jokes etc but what can you do? They still all go on holiday together once or twice a year, I am so glad to be out of that place!!!

My other jobs were more practical, like childcare and now I am a midwife. I have made great friends in these roles I think because we aren't joined at the hip all day!

They’re being friendly to make sure you settle.

What’s wrong with that? Maybe you’re not used to socialising with adults at work after being a nanny - it is different to an office job.

Just roll with it - they will back off and you might enjoy it a bit.

Yes - I do think you're being a bit odd - your colleagues sound lovely, welcoming and inclusive

They sound like they're trying to be friendly and inclusive. Doesn't mean you're wired differently or even an introvert, just that you need to strike a balance in your new role.

twitter.com/kaelanrhy/status/956405735050506241

Or it's just you are used to working with a small number of children and the social dynamics are very different working with a group of adults.

Not odd at all! I wouldn't tolerate spending lunch or break times with coworkers. Those are my times to be alone, not have to speak etc. I would hate to eat lunch with colleagues so I don't. Each to their own.

If it's not a job you're planning on staying at and you don't anticipate needing those friendships in the future (networking) then go ahead and tell them you've got errands to run and you'll catch up with them after lunch. Or just slip out for your coffee break if you worry someone will want to go with you.

They're probably just being friendly but after a few days of doing this they'll get the message you're not someone who wants a lot of workplace closeness and back off I'm sure. They may not like you but I doubt you mind.

I can understand this. I don’t have social anxiety and I’m not particularly introverted...but I do need time to ‘recharge’ - too much social interaction wears me out! It doesn’t make you odd, everybody works differently.

It sounds like you’re in a really friendly environment; could you try to get some peace in short bursts throughout the day so you don’t feel quite so worn out by having people around all the time?

No I know they're just being friendly! (Although we are all temps so they're not permanent here either! They started when I did, but two of them know each other) I do appreciate the friendliness. I am friendly when I get in, when I leave etc.

It's me that's odd not wanting to be sociable to the point of being anxious about where to spend my lunch! I wasn't saying there's anything wrong with them.

No, not odd. I generally start slowly with the social side of work. I used to eat in my car for a while! And I'm no shrinking violet but it takes a while for me to feel comfortable and like I 'belong' when I'm new.

I, too, was a nanny for 11 years before working in a school and it was quite a difference to get used to.

If you're odd, I'm odd too. I used to work in an office with others but changed roles and have my own office now. Everyone thinks I must get lonely but if I want a chat I'll go out to the kitchen... I love being on my own to work!

I HATE lunch with colleagues, I don't like eating "nicely" because I'm in company or trying to chat, I just want to eat. Same as having a fag or tea break, i don't feel like I've had a break if I've had to be sociable and "on". But as has been said, maybe they're just trying to make you feel welcome and get to know you so try not to be too unsociable, maybe on days where you feel you really need the time to yourself say you've some calls to make on your break.

Not odd. This is why I prefer working with children. I have a break where I will occasionally chat to adults but mainly sink my nose into a book and drink coffee.

I get this - in fact my whole family would. We recently had to stay in a tiny temporary flat, and my kids took to shutting themselves in a cupboard (different cupboards) in order to get a break from each other and us.

My parents visit, and they clearly think it's odd that DS or DP just disappear off to their rooms for a few hours a day alone!

I did a language course abroad a few years ago. Every break, all the students (and tutor) would go to the cafe next door. I'd go to the one over the road just to get some time alone.

I'm home alone this weekend and am relishing the idea. Part of me feels I should meet up with friends, but that would spoil my peace.

If you're odd then so am I!

No I'd be exactly the same, where I work there is only a few of us though and we all do our own thing/go home/go out for lunch. We don't have an actual canteen though so that helps, just a small kitchen to make stuff ourselves

Not odd. Read 'Quiet' by Susan Cain. Introverts of the world unite!

Belonger, 'Introverts of the world unite! Separately and in our own homes'