To think I'm odd. I'm not wired properly.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

I am between jobs at the mo and with such a long gap until I start my next roll, I've taken a temp job somewhere that makes a popular TV talent show.

I'm 'behind the scenes' as in just office based (thankfully ) but still it's a pretty busy (the kids call it 'buzzy') place to work.

Now, I'm actually a nanny. I've never worked in an office before, so I don't know what is normal or not.

I'm struggling with 'people' to the point where I think there's something wrong with me!

There's four of us in our little bit and they seem nice enough, but I mean, I work with them all day. The first day at lunch, I took myself off to the canteen. A few minutes later, the four of them all trooped through and sat down with me, chatted all the way through lunch...I was devastated (LIGHTHEARTED!)

I honestly felt like I hadn't had had a break when I got back!

The second day I pretended I had to go to the bank, and for the last two days I found a little cafe down some winding backstreets that had basement seating.

What threw me on my first day was the woman next to me saying 'Tell me when you want to get a coffee' I was genuinely perplexed. I thought perhaps I had to ask her from a permission point of view.

It genuinely is annoying me when people want to take a coffee break with me, I feel like I can't have a moment's peace.

I don't think I have social anxiety As such as I like my friends. I do prefer having social engagements set up and planned though. I hate 'hanging out' not knowing what im doing and I can't bear surprise bumping into people.

Come to think of it this is reminding me of early school where at break I would seek out a little patch on the field to be on my own. I'd get so cross if people came and wanted me to play or talk with them. As far as I was concerned I'd been talkative with them all the bloody day in the classrooms. I hated 'joining in' games at birthday parties too.

How on earth I've managed to make and keep friends through the years is actually beyond me at the minute.

Am I odd? DP reckons that being sociable with people at work is what makes office work bearable...

Aw bless them they are being friendly and welcoming, in fact they sound lovely.

Assuming this is the case they will understand if you just tell them that you need half an hour of quiet just to read your book. I wouldn't be offended at all :)

Not odd in any way. Some people thrive on people attention, some people need time away. I need a breather every now and then - bath times are my favorite wind down (I get shitty when DH used the toilet when Im having a bath - we have one downstairs yet he came upstairs as he wanted to talk to me at the same time)

Like PerfectlySymmetrical I wondered about ASC too, but that's probably because it is very much front of my mind at the moment (DD is being assessed and I'm wondering about myself - I was very like you at school although much more anxious about social stuff by the sound of it). So I see ASC everywhere I look at the moment!

Maybe rather than putting yourself in a box or saying it's a "problem" it's better just to say that there is a lot more Neurodiversity out there than is often recognised, and that's a good thing! It's probably worth explaining your need for your own space to your colleagues in case they think you're being rude, but it's totally fine to need time alone. If we were all the same the world would be extremely boring, and we wouldn't solve half the problems we have solved if everyone thought the same way.

I'm like this but I'm not an introvert but I like to eek out some peace and quiet in the day.

People get quite huffy when you tell them you need a bit of space from their jibber jabber but most are quite receptive when you say you are taking 15minutes to meditate. Put your headphones on to complete the illusion.

I don't think you're odd, I just, like many others on this thread, think you're an introvert. You like social interaction on your own terms, but you don't like to have it thrust upon you when you need a break and some quiet time.

Yes I've been told I could have well-masked Aspergers, but I kind of think so what. I'm happy with who I am, and I can be polite and cope with things that make me uncomfortable when I need to.

The other thing is I'm so not a "joiner" that I'm reluctant to have the label. I don't want to join a happy band of positive-minded "aspies", I want to be on my own! :o

Probably very few people are actually purely "NT" just like very few are spot-on average.

But the other thing is, as an introvert, you're going to encounter more extroverts than introverts - by definition. Massive introverts are less likely to become school staff, shop staff, whatever. Massive introverts aren't usually the ones trying to chat to you and make you come out and get pissed. They're probably hiding. So you get a false impression that "everyone else" is the outgoing type and finds you odd.

Ok, I'm glad to know I'm not a total freak

I do genuinely feel shattered after a chunk of being 'on' in a social situation, even if I'm enjoying myself at the time wine

I think I've just always been aware that I'm quite awkward. And being gregarious does not come naturally at all.

In fact, on the tube on the way in i do 'rehearsals' for questions I might be asked by the colleagues I don't know very well and run through a few awnsers and come up with my own questions Like 'what did you get up to last night' 'what are you having for lunch' 'that's a nice scarf'

That is quite odd isn't it! Oh my god. I have to remind myself to be a functioning member of society

I sometimes wonder how anyone actually manages any social interaction at all when I have finished reading MN hmm

Spot the extrovert!

I'm the same OP, in one of my jobs I discovered the office space above ours was empty so pretended to go out to lunch but secretly nipped up there for a blissful hour on my own. I have friends, but none I'd want to see for hours every day - so seeing work colleagues for the hours we're working is more than enough!

Not at all odd,I hate if someone just 'pops round' for a chat and a coffee. I won't entertain it. I find it selfish ''hey I feel like chatting,so here I am'',expecting you to sit there and listen,because at that time,that's what they felt like doing. Nannying is a different story,kids need your help(not just when suits them!),plus there's a realness about kids,honest,you know where you stand with them :)

Defo an introvert! I'm extraverted and more like your DH - interacting with people makes other tasks bearable for me. I don't need to be drunk and I can even end up "acting" drunk when I'm around good company.

Weirdly I find the company of children far more draining than that of adults. Although I do enjoy spending time with kids.

Would be boring if we were all the same, right?

I have no suggestions to make but your temp job sounds interesting.

I always ended up in aluminium factories when temping

In fact, on the tube on the way in i do 'rehearsals' for questions I might be asked by the colleagues I don't know very well and run through a few awnsers and come up with my own questions blush Like 'what did you get up to last night' 'what are you having for lunch' 'that's a nice scarf'

^

You sound pretty cute

YANBU. I don't think I'm really an introvert by nature and used to be very sociable when younger, but as I've got older I value solitude more. I would hate the work scenario you describe. I'm a teacher and understand how nannying for you is nit the same kind of interaction. It's tiring but it doesn't require you to put your polite, sociable, small-talk hat on.

Sounds normal to me. My kids talk at me all day, it's exasperating at times. I feel the same

Most of my colleagues are like yours - lovely and friendly who actively invite others to gather together at lunchtime, but I need space by myself at lunch especially.

I physically take myself off at lunchtimes and a very small number of people do the same. The majority of people seem to actively want to eat / chatter / socialise like mad in the breaks, but there is an acceptance that the minority like us who want quiet time out are left in peace at break time.

My husband's work has a similar dynamic - he goes for a long walk to get some quiet time, another of the team sits in his car and plays music or reads the paper in order to get his quiet time ... the rest of them sit in a tea room with tv turned up loud and talk over the top of it - which sounds horrendous to me.

So:

There's nothing wrong with you. You're a good person - I remember your previous threads. I hope you enjoy this work, I remember your last employer was vile and it may have knocked your confidence. Good luck!

I used to love hanging out with work colleagues at lunch time.

Since becoming a mother, I go out of my way to eat lunch alone!

Sympathies, OP! I’m a disappear-into-my-book-at-lunch type too, though I don’t think I’m really introverted. Maybe let your colleagues know (if you haven’t already) that this is your first office job and you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed by having adult company all day?

I didn’t see it in your post, but do you take a book when you go to lunch? That might give them a hint.

Are you all scheduled to take lunch at the same time? That does seem odd for such a small office. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t on a who’s-taking-first-lunch system!

Anyway good luck, it sounds like they’re a friendly bunch, and as you’re all temping it won’t be forever. Not that any job is now, dammit ...

No that's not odd at all. I am exactly the same. I really like my own space and while I do like being with people, it can't be all the time. I need to go away sometimes and get a breather. Even with my own family! Never mind random coworkers.

Just try to find space for yourself wherever you can. My place of work has a perfectly good canteen but I go out and sit in my car at lunchtimes. That way I get an hour of peace and can read or do whatever I want in peace until it's time to go back.