To think I'm odd. I'm not wired properly.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

I am between jobs at the mo and with such a long gap until I start my next roll, I've taken a temp job somewhere that makes a popular TV talent show.

I'm 'behind the scenes' as in just office based (thankfully ) but still it's a pretty busy (the kids call it 'buzzy') place to work.

Now, I'm actually a nanny. I've never worked in an office before, so I don't know what is normal or not.

I'm struggling with 'people' to the point where I think there's something wrong with me!

There's four of us in our little bit and they seem nice enough, but I mean, I work with them all day. The first day at lunch, I took myself off to the canteen. A few minutes later, the four of them all trooped through and sat down with me, chatted all the way through lunch...I was devastated (LIGHTHEARTED!)

I honestly felt like I hadn't had had a break when I got back!

The second day I pretended I had to go to the bank, and for the last two days I found a little cafe down some winding backstreets that had basement seating.

What threw me on my first day was the woman next to me saying 'Tell me when you want to get a coffee' I was genuinely perplexed. I thought perhaps I had to ask her from a permission point of view.

It genuinely is annoying me when people want to take a coffee break with me, I feel like I can't have a moment's peace.

I don't think I have social anxiety As such as I like my friends. I do prefer having social engagements set up and planned though. I hate 'hanging out' not knowing what im doing and I can't bear surprise bumping into people.

Come to think of it this is reminding me of early school where at break I would seek out a little patch on the field to be on my own. I'd get so cross if people came and wanted me to play or talk with them. As far as I was concerned I'd been talkative with them all the bloody day in the classrooms. I hated 'joining in' games at birthday parties too.

How on earth I've managed to make and keep friends through the years is actually beyond me at the minute.

Am I odd? DP reckons that being sociable with people at work is what makes office work bearable...

Loads and loads of people are like this. Its not very socially acceptable to admit it out loud, but it is very normal.

I'm the same - I work in a totally people focussed job, but I don't want to socialise with my colleagues very often. A lot of my colleagues are the full on people orientated types who are actually uncomfortable and unhappy being on their own, whereas I need space sometimes - not so much from the people I care for, but from colleagues! Its no reflection on whether I like them, but the relationship with colleagues is actually more emotionally demanding that with the supposedly difficult people I care for...

Its not weird though, it isn't socially approved of to outright state you would rather drink coffee/ eat lunch/ go shopping on your own than with perfectly pleasant and friendly acquaintances, but it's just as normal as not wanting to do anything alone.

I would also say it is nothing at all to do with anxiety - I'm very confident socially. Actually socially anxious people often have a problem going to new places alone and would rather go with an acquaintance - so its rather the opposite!

Yep, read about introverts, you sound like one! It's not about not wanting to sociable or confident (I can be both) but that you recharge your energy by being alone. Being around people all the time depletes your energy.

FInd pockets of time to recharge and you'll start feeling better.

It's an introvert thing! Dealing with a child/children as part of your work is one thing, but the mental drain of interacting with other adults is completely different. Other people drain your energy. Extroverts get their energy from other people.
Accept that you need time alone to recharge your mental batteries.
I love my kids and really like the people I work with - we often have a laugh....but I absolutely cherish time at home, ALONE.
If I don't get quality alone time, it really affects me mentally.
I have a (very) extrovert friend and she told me that if she doesn't have interaction with other people, it affects her mental health. Opposite reason, same effect!
Your wiring is just fine.

You're just an introvert, OP. You're perfectly normal.

Read 'Party of One' by Anneli Rufus. It changed my life.

I don't think it's odd at all, it sounds like you just like to have your own space every once in a while and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! We all have moments where we feel we need some head space.

People genuinely can't win! How many threads are started on here by people feeling left out by their colleagues and yet you have a friendly inclusive bunch and they are still moaned about on here.
I sometimes wonder how anyone actually manages any social interaction at all when I have finished reading MN

I'm an introvert. On days I want my own space I take in a book and read during my lunch break.

Pretty normal for colleagues to chat at lunch though and tea breaks etc.

Yeah I feel bad...it just feels like such hard work to be 'on' and social ALL the time. But everyone else there seems to manage it. They like it.

Yup! This sentence sums up my life :o Working in an office drove me almost insane for this exact reason and I've now been self-employed and home-based for years. I was exactly like you and used to sneak off to cafes... or hide until they'd gone out and then have lunch at my desk with the newspaper - bliss :) I even used to take the lift to avoid bumping into people on the stairs and being expected to join them for lunch etc.

I have friends, I can enjoy socialising and like you I find children easy to get on with too ... but that constant, sociable, chatty, lets-all-do-everything-in-a-group vibe - aaarrrggghhh!

To an extent I now feel like this in the school playground - everyone is chatty and I know I probably come across as aloof or odd but I just can't do it. I regularly hide to avoid having to chat!

You're not odd, there are plenty of us who are like this to varying degrees. It's just that media and society have a bias towards everyone having jolly fun together and seeing people who find that difficult as sad and lonely. That doesn't have to be true at all - you just have to make life work for you by finding what suits you.

your colleagues sound lovely, welcoming and inclusive

Only if you want to be welcomed and included. Some of us are immune to the attractions of the herd.

I always make sure that I have lunch/breaks at different times to my colleagues to ensure that I can have time by myself. I like to sit and read my book in peace at lunch time. If someone happens to come and have their break when I'm there then I put my earphones on and listen to music while I read to make it clear that I'm not up for conversation. I will however make an effort to make conversation when we are together working.

Oh gosh OP I am the same. To others I’m a happy, social, friendly, chatty person (which I am!) but I HAVE to have alone time. I’ve been like it since I was young too. I just enjoy quiet ‘me’ time. I can gather my thoughts and it helps me to relax, be calm and focused. I’ve just learnt to accept I’m an introvert lol. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy others company, but for me I desperately need quiet alone time to recharge. It’s perfectly normal. I remember working in a bustling office and by lunchtime I have to flee to find time to just be alone. Actually after having 3 children I still do this, even if it’s just to the bathroom!

Definitely read Quiet by Susan Cain.

You're an introvert. And the world is typically geared around extroverts. You just need to build some recharge time into your day.

Yes, I did used to get labelled as stand-offish at high school! Or an 'ice-queen' by the boys actually which they seemed to find quite intriguing so it worked the other way

University, I loved halls- I was a social butterflyand it took copious amounts of alcohol

It's probably because you're in a smaller office. I work in an office and have had to tell people 'no' on occasions when they see I'm going on break and get up to join me. Likewise with lunch. Sometimes you just need that space to be by yourself. I'd be more reserved about doing it in a smaller office for fear that I'd be completely ostracised. You know them better than us though. Will they likely be offended if you (politely) tell them you prefer lunch alone?

Ugh cross through fail!

I was basically pissed through every social interaction at uni

Could you compromise? Go out for half your lunch break on your own then join the others for a coffee for the other half? And in your mind treat the coffee half as 'work' rather than 'break'. That way you get the time to yourself but you don't alienate your colleagues.

The other option is just to upfront say to them that you're an introvert and you need a bit of time to yourself to recharge your batteries or you won't be able to work properly. That's probably the grown up thing to do but I would chicken out and go for the non-confrontational first option.

Do you think you might have ASD? DD comes home and flops on her bed until suppertime, because she's been surrounded by people and noise all day.

I get you absolutely OP. In my current job though, the majority of my shifts only give me one 15 minute break which I usually spend sitting in the car. I do sometimes go into the staff room & join in with the general chat or just observe if it doesn’t interest me. I’m not good at eating in front of people I don’t know very well so on my longer shifts, I nip home for lunch. If I go in the staff room & there are others there but they’re not talking, I never know whether they want to chat or not.
Apparently there are social events organised but it sounds like they are always “ messy” & I don’t drink. Also a lot of the staff are much younger than me ( my supervisor is 30 years younger!) so we wouldn’t necessarily have that much in common. Having said that though, I really hit it off with an 18 year old student I worked with at Tescos!
I agree with others that you are lucky your colleagues are being so welcoming but you are definitely not odd & I would just play it by ear & maybe do a mixture of socialising & your own thing then gradually drop off with the socialising.

I've worked on my own so long that when I do have to sit in an office at a client site or whatever I feel absolutely weird being in such close proximity to other people. You're not wired wrong at all. I expect in time it'll feel less odd. There's nothing wrong with needing your own space It's a claustrophobic world.

I really, really like the people I work with and call many of them my friends.

However, even though I’ve worked with them for years, I’ve never spent a lunch break with them.

Lunch time is my break from people, not just from work. Nobody has ever had a problem with it. I’d find it very weird if they did.

@HarrietKettleWasHere I've read your opening post but not all the comments.

It sounds like you are an introvert. My dh is, he is a full on introvert and I am a full on extrovert.

Google "The difference between introverts and extroverts" It may make more sense.

Not all of these will be true for you or me, or anyone else, but some will be.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/difference-between-introverts-extroverts-chart_us_57f794c2e4b0b6a430316b3a

This is based on the Myers Briggs personality type indicator. My dh and I did this when dating. I am sure it saved our relationship to know and understand each other. You are not odd. XX

www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extraversion-or-introversion.htm?bhcp=1

OP I did read your other comments too and a few others.

I love this one from @YouTheCat 'Introverts of the world unite! Separately and in our own homes" Excellent.

Totally agree with @WankStainWasher "Other people drain your energy. Extroverts get their energy from other people."

And

"If I don't get quality alone time, it really affects me mentally."

I’m a bit like this too. It would probably surprise most people who know me, as I’m very sociable and chatty, but I also need my down time. I do sometimes go for lunch with my colleagues (who I really like by the way!), but I really prefer not to given the choice.

My team at work , me and one other person are the same. The rest are all extroverts.....

We had to go away with work once, which included a weekend. So a week of training during the day, then team building every evening.But we got 'free' time at the weekend, the rest all arranged group activities.

Me and the other introvert claimed we were going to do something we knew none of the rest of them would want to do. We left together, got to the top of the road and went our separate ways it was the only way to stay sane.

As a PP suggested strike a balance, join in one day; have an errand to run the next.