Am I a CF?

[taekwondo]

I live 120 miles away from my best friend and family. I haven't visited anyone in a year due to work and finances.

In October by best friend (bf) asked me to come and stay with her for a week as she missed me and my son.

So we're here, it's day 4, we're supposed to go home Monday.

As I haven't been in a year, I haven't soon my Nan, mum or sisters in a year either.

So I've divided my week up. Monday we went straight to Nans with BF, stayed for lunch (about 3 hours) then came back to bf house! Tuesday saw bf mum (really close to her) with bf, we went for dinner.

Wednesday we just all relaxed together, got some Chinese food for dinner and had a nice time.

When bf boyfriend got up (he's on nights) I heard her in the kitchen moaning to him that I'm seeing my mum tomorrow (today) I'm also seeing my sister after, so about 2-3 hours each!

Now Friday, (she's asked me to go out Saturday as she wants a date night so I'll have to leave mid day due to being rural) and Sunday I'm with her all day, so I really don't know if I'm being the CF here by accepting her invitation and then spending a few hours with my family.

She's not saying anything to my face, but I don't like hearing her behind my back and I really don't know any more.

When ever I visit I feel like I'm playing a game of keeping everyone happy. If I came down and didn't see my family they'd be upset! As would my ds, so aibu and a cf to see my family when my friend has invited me to stay with her?

Did you tell her your plans before going?

@PinkAvocado I did! I made sure to let her know every detail so I didn't risk this kind of situation! She kept saying "that's fine"

I'm feeling mighty fed up!

She asked you to go out so she could have date night.??????

No your not being a CF

Your friend wanted to see you, you came and visited (I assume you paid your own travel costs)

What is she expecting you to do stay indoors in her house 24 hours a day

She's asked you to go out and make yourself scarce for her date night so make the most of the opportunity and go visit family and friends again

If you feel too uncomfortable being at her house after what you heard her say can you go sleep in spare room /on sofa at one of your family members house for the remainder of your visit...

But in my opinion she is the CF for assuming she could keep you all to herself.she doesn't own you, you are allowed to go out and talk to other people especially family members you don't get to see much because of living a distance away from them.

Don't let he comments make you feel bad or guilty.

It does sound as if your using her home as base to go and visit your family members you haven’t seen rather than spending the time with her. If it had been one day fair enough but it’s several.

Why don't you leave on Saturday? Maybe the visit is just too long?

I think inviting you to stay and then asking you to go out so she can have a date night is massively weird!

I can't get my head around her asking you to leave so she can have a date night!!

Calling someone a CF is really overused on MN now. No, you aren't a CF because you are visiting your family, and nor is your friend a CF for expecting you to spend all your time with her. You are just two people with different expectations who haven't communicated them to each other. Go and have a chat with your friend about it and try to understand each others points of view, rather than labelling anyone as cheeky.

I don’t think you’re a CF either, but if I were you I’d have split the stay so you had a few days with friend only and then went off to your family and stayed with them for a few days. Thus avoiding date night Gate.

Can you not stay with your mum, sister or Nan for a few days ?

I don't think I'm spending enough time on mn - I still don't know what CF is....

Anyway, I can't get past the fact that you haven't seen your family in over one year and it took a friend inviting to give you a reason to go...

@Winteriscoming18 so if your child visited from over 120 miles away and was literally 5 miles away and didn't see you, you'd be happy with that? I know my family wouldn't, and why is it ok to see her family but not mine?

I'm planning to head home early, there's a few more issues with her being really snappy and strict with ds so I'm not feeling the happiness either but that's another issue.

To the poster who said I should have split the stay, I can't believe I didn't think of that

@LaCerbiatta because I've been working, I've had to bring work with me, I can't just drop everything to go, life's been real difficult the past year

Calling someone a CF is really overused on MN now.

Yes.

It's the new cancel the cheque. 😞

I live 100 miles from friends and family and get to see them about 3-4 times a year. I use family as a base and because they don’t get to see the kids very often they are more than happy to babysit whilst I visit friends for an evening. It’s hard when you’re pulled in all directions and have so many people to see but I communicate my plans beforehand and they know I’m busy so everyone accepts that. It’s tough shit otherwise... if I just have time for a quick cuppa then so be it. Even if you saw your family a few hours everyday then you are still seeing loads more of her! Point this out to her. She still has her life (re. Date night) and you still have yours! You are not being a cf!!!

Go stay with your family from Saturday! She sounds quite selfish if she's being difficult about you visiting your own family'

I can sort of see her point, apart from the date night. You are arguably using her house as a hotel. Is there any reason why you couldn't have gone on to stay with your family after your visit to her - even if that meant a shorter visit?

So it's ok for you to spend time with her mum but she doesn't like it if you spend time with hers!

Ignore, ignore and next time spend a few days at hers and a few days with your family.

To be clear she knows what it's like when I visit, when I spend time at mums at do the visiting, I don't just spend the whole time with my mum, I see her in that time too. I don't see how she could ask me to visit and see just her. How could I see just her?

To be honest this is partly why it's been a year since my last visit! I am just so fed up of trying to keep every one happy, it's impossible and I'm always in the wrong. This is probably the last visit I'll do for a long time. I really can't be bothered with it.

Hosting is stressful and on the days you are seeing family she has the inconvenience of having someone stay in her house, without the pleasure of your company. Maybe next time go for a shorter visit and then stay with family the rest of the time. But in the meantime, make the most of the weekend and leave with some good memories.

What's CF please?

No cheeky fuckers here. She loves having you and wishes she saw more of you and she's telling her BF that in private. She knew that was the deal (because you told her before you went) and she is happy with it. She's not moaning about you being unreasonable, she just loves seeing you

Tell her that you wish you could see more of her and how difficult it is for you, living so far away and missing everyone. Cue group hug.... and a large glass of Baileys

120 miles isn't all that far. Yes, you'd need a train and yes it costs money, but is it really too expensive to visit your family once or twice a year? My PIL are about 90 miles away and we go just for lunch.

Also why wouldn't you simply visit your family and see your friend while you're there?

She needs a date night??? FFS!!