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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How old for social media?

123 replies

Acloserlook · 24/01/2018 21:53

My child is y6, is this too young for Fb?

OP posts:
CrochetBelle · 26/01/2018 09:19

Put it off as long as you can, at least until the minimum age allowed by the app.

My 9 year old and her friends have musical.ly. I regret it, it's been nothing but a pain in the arse.

LittleJack18 · 26/01/2018 09:31

I am scared for my 8mo. What is social media going to be like in 10 years time? Anyone watch black mirror on Netflix? There’s one episode which could scarily be the future. Everyone has a social media score e.g based on likes etc. Which actually effects day to day things like qualifying for a job or general social status.

Queeniebed · 26/01/2018 11:40

Yes but then I see children that age with ipads and smartphones so I can understand why you felt the need to ask

MorganKitten · 26/01/2018 13:24

There is a reason its set to 14. At 16 they start getting all the adverts for 16 year olds, at 18 the ones for 18 plus. If you lie and sign up a child younger but putting the DOB at 14 they will be exposed to all the adverts and media for the 16-18 age group earlier then they need to be.
Plus at 16 your profile becomes public unless you turn it off.

KERALA1 · 26/01/2018 13:28

Holding out here. DD1 is 11. "Everybody else" is on instagram. And yes, that is actually true sadly.

This is a constant issue and the only battle we have with dd. Find myself resenting all the friends parents who gave in for a quiet life.

The age limit for instragram is 13. Its a powerful tool and when DH saw the dross she was accessing when she went on it via his account we were glad we holding firm. Lots of twerking and pre-teen US airhead types doing make up tips Hmm

KERALA1 · 26/01/2018 13:32

LittleJack read the The Circle by Dave Eggars. Takes the whole social media thing to its logical conclusion, we all wear a necklace broadcasting our entire day online. "Privacy is theft". A group of us read it and all came off facebook.

I hate that DD is sad because we won't let her have an instagram account but we looked into it and agreed we were holding firm on this one. Pierced ears? Fine. Social media at 11. Naah.

Plumsofwrath · 26/01/2018 14:14

Lots of twerking and pre-teen US airhead types doing make up tips

This is the root cause, I think. Setting aside the parents who genuinely don’t think there’s anything wrong with this behaviour for young girls (or the equivalent is for boys - I don’t have a son of that age so don’t know), parents seem too reluctant to call out this stuff for what it is, like @KERALA1 just did. They can’t find a way of expressing that this behaviour is undesirable and not what they want their daughters to emulate, without seeming to criticise the parents of their kids’ friends, who may also be their own, who allow it and therefore look as though they’re condoning it. People seem okay to go with “my house, my rules” for outright bad behaviour in small children (hitting, kicking, swearing) but struggle when their children are old enough to construct counter arguments. So they give in.

In my opinion, it’s a general lowering of standards, combined with political correctness. Adults can’t say “no, because I’m an adult and because I say so” anymore.

There are so many ways to find a middle ground, but they all take time, thought, and lots of energy to monitor and reinforce and review, for each child.

VileyRose · 26/01/2018 14:17

I said no to my 13yr old.

KERALA1 · 26/01/2018 14:46

Well exactly plums couldn't agree more.

And the parents of dds friends are lovely intelligent women. I just don't want this stuff normalised for my child, which is implicitly criticising them. Maybe we are being King Canute trying to stop the tides but feel we have to try.

It is like the differences of parenting styles you have with toddlers. You have a few years off it then it becomes an issue again 11 plus.

PhilODox · 26/01/2018 14:53

I just don’t want them left out.

FOMO is part of what is ruining the MH of young people today.
Teach your child to be strong, and resist the hive mind...
A child that is resilient and has strong self-worth will be perfectly fine without social media.

KERALA1 · 26/01/2018 14:58

Also there is a middle ground between banning a phone entirely which I can see might lead to a pre teen being left out, and allowing full on social media.

DD has a phone, goes on pinterest and is on whats app which she uses to chat to friends, so a group for Guide friends, group for walk to school friends, whose mum can drive, who is running late etc. All fine. She also has house party which is like a conference call so a group of girls can chat to each other at the same time. We are fine with all of this.

RicottaPancakes · 26/01/2018 21:09

It's very sad that people (adults and children )are being left out and forgotten about because they are not on social media.

hiphopchick · 27/01/2018 00:32

Are you serious?

Fucking SIX?!

Get a grip woman! Hmm

mentalfluid · 27/01/2018 01:40

maybe better to not ban it after age 14 but teach them to use it responsibly

mentalfluid · 27/01/2018 01:41

KERALA1 sounds a sensible approach actually.

Acloserlook · 27/01/2018 02:31

I’ll get a grip when you learn to read hiphop, that seems a fair exchange.

OP posts:
FizzyCherry · 27/01/2018 04:55

My niece is EIGHT and has Snapchat, YouTube and Instagram accounts that she accesses on the fricking IPHONE that she got “from Father Christmas”. I shit you not, my moronic brother and his arrogant wife, who question other people’s life choices for a hobby, think it’s perfectly reasonable that a child who still believes in Santa is mature enough to handle her own social media accounts. Notwithstanding the fact that she used up her entire £20 monthly credit on Christmas Day texting people and downloading apps.
I have refused every friend request from her as I don’t want to encourage her, but part of me is thinking maybe I should accept so at least one adult in her life is monitoring her online....

cakeglory · 27/01/2018 05:34

You can have the Facebook Messenger app without having a Facebook account, you just enter your phone number and name. Works in the same way as if you had Facebook. Could be a solution to being left out of group chats, and it's essentially the same as WhatsApp, though I'd still monitor it closely at that age.

PhilODox · 27/01/2018 08:20

What worries me is that presumably there is no tracking in what's up? If something awful happened over email, there is a permanent trail. I am guessing that isn't possible on what's app? (I don't use it)

BonnesVacances · 27/01/2018 09:22

FOMO is part of what is ruining the MH of young people today.
Teach your child to be strong, and resist the hive mind...
A child that is resilient and has strong self-worth will be perfectly fine without social media.

I love this! It explains perfectly why DS(13) isn't on any social media and is coping fine without it.

brizzledrizzle · 27/01/2018 09:24

so I didn’t want to be the one who said no!

You need to be able to say no to them; what will you do when they want to have their girlfriend/boyfriend sleep over and they are not 16?

brizzledrizzle · 27/01/2018 09:28

Db and SIL are teachers; SIL at a primary school - they record any instances of children on social media with the head teacher. It's not unusual for her (a teacher at a small village school) to see pupils with facebook accounts which she blocks as soon as she becomes aware of them.

Acloserlook · 27/01/2018 09:30

In all honesty I struggle to see why sm is seen as such a bad thing, is it because of worries about paedophiles?

OP posts:
cindersrella · 27/01/2018 09:31

My friend let her daughter have an Instagram with both of there names on it so she could police it. It was also ok her phone.... FB I'm not on there and hate the thought of my daughters going on it. I think snapchat is awful. The things my friends daughter has shown me. It's terrible. I think things disappear on there too? I'm no big expert on it.

cindersrella · 27/01/2018 09:34

There will be a massive issue with them but also I think a lot of kids now screen dunk pictures that are sent and show them around.
I think a lot probably depends on the child. Is s/he sensible?