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Original poster

Having come backs ready for family insults

108 replies

Ihatemarmite123 · 24/01/2018 15:24

To have some come backs ready for in laws insults.

So my in laws reguly insult me when pregnant. They did through my last pregnancy and I never said a word back. I'm 15 weeks now and we haven't told them but will soon.

Has anyone actually had a positive outcome when responding to an insult from family or has it just made things worse?

It's mostly fat jokes. I'm not fat at All, I'm only a 10/12 and 8 1/2stone 5ft4. MIL is huge and often slates people's appearance.... I think it's because she is uncomfortable with her own size. She's 6ft size 18/20

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 24/01/2018 20:51

I don't do comebacks. I always end up looking dumb.

I do hard stares and eye rolls. I do not do that girly thing where the woman sort of giggles and half agrees when someone insults her. Nope. It took me months to train my way out of that deeply socialised habit in my thirties.

Hard stare, no laughter, no avoiding discomfort. If there is a long silence I will then pointedly change the subject.

Fairly often the offender backtracks, the stare melts and we have a laugh.

abbsisspartacus · 24/01/2018 20:51

My mil did this squealed oooh you still look pregnant! Just after I had my son I glared at her stomach and everyone else changed the subject fwiw she was embarrassed about her remark she just prefers not to think too hard about what she says

Purplepillow94 · 24/01/2018 21:09

I would personally put her on a TO. And when she asks why just say until you treat me with more respect you won’t see me. But that’s just me, why waste your time with people who think it’s ok to say such spiteful crap to you. Congratulations btw!! Flowers

singingdetective · 25/01/2018 11:57

Just tell her to fuck off??

Hissy · 25/01/2018 12:05

Silence IS the strongest tool you can ever use - in negotiation or changing behaviour

Hissy · 25/01/2018 12:10

IF I had to spend time with these people again, and if they had the audacity to try to piss me off again I'd be really straight and say something like "Look, if this were my choice I'd never see any of you again after how you've treated me in the past, but I'm here because of H and to support him, but know this - I don't want to be here, I don't enjoy being with you or being insulted by you and I am just waiting it out until you give me yet another oppotunity to tell you to all FTFO and then I will never have to deal with any of you ever again, so go right ahead, make it easy for me to cut you sorry lot out of my lives forever..."

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/01/2018 17:56

Agree with Hissy completely. If you look for comebacks and insults, they will NEVER be as pithy, scathing or as punchy as you think they are - they will just bring you down to their level and you'll look just as spiteful and ridiculous as they do.

Hissy's way does it better - and with more clout than a silly put-down ever could.

Lashalicious · 25/01/2018 18:09

If trying to speak to them about their malice doesn’t work, and silence doesn’t work, then sometimes it is necessary unfortunately to stand up to a bully and allow their ugliness to boomerang back into their faces, it is the only way to deal with some hardcore bullies....

Most if not all hurtful insults come from a place of jealousy and envy, don’t forget that. Enjoy your pregnancy, it is a magical time of life. Don’t let anyone spoil your joy; you may have to continue no contact if all else fails.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 25/01/2018 18:12

Why don't you just say, "But I'm the thinnest person in here!"

rothbury · 25/01/2018 18:32

I don't understand - why are you looking for witty comebacks?

Just don't engage with them at all - they sound vile.

milliemolliemou · 25/01/2018 19:20

OP good luck with your baby. Why don't you leave telling them till much later? If you're NC and your DH is LC does it matter?

Chuckle over some of the comebacks but I wouldn't use them - you don't want to lower yourself to their level as PPs have said. If you do see these people I would add just add one more thing to the classic MN comeback:

THEM: Insult
YOU or DH: sorry, I don't think I heard that.
THEM: Insult
YOU or DH: Could you say that again?

I've often found verbal bullies really start fading away and even reconsidering when they have to repeat things.

And you can spend a few months before you tell them practising raising one eyebrow. It is lethal!

Original poster
Ihatemarmite123 · 25/01/2018 19:47

In reality I probably won't use a come back and would go for stone cold silence.

MIL is a deeply jealous woman, I've been on the receiving end of some long winded rants about how hard done by she is.

My In laws see nothing wrong in anything they have said or done to anyone.

It'll be a few months before we tell them

OP posts:
Wakeuptortoise · 25/01/2018 19:48

I'm sorry for your loss. Flowers
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I wouldn't be helping dh facilitate them. I would be feeling very mean spirited toward them so would just let them have any bitchy comeback. Or the hard, cold stare.

yerbutnobut · 25/01/2018 20:54

If you dont feel comfortable coming out with a come back, just give a pointed glare of staring them slowly up and down with a raised brow!

MiaD13 · 26/01/2018 05:41

My size didn't stop your son from shagging me

BanyanTree · 26/01/2018 06:52

Comebacks make you look like a jerk so don't stoop to their level.

Don't mean this to sound horrible but this is what people say when they don't have the courage to stand up to someone. Bullies need taking down by giving them a bloody nose (not literally).

OP I think some passive aggressive responses are what would work best. If you pull them up on it they will say you don't have a sense of humour or they were only joking. If you are nasty back they will get upset and turn it around on you as the bad guy. A bit of PA and then some gaslighting if they pull you up on it may work.

E.g. Comment to you followed by:
Look at MIL, drop eyes to her wobbly bits and stifle a laugh.
Laugh and shake head at comment.
Stare at her eating and raise eyebrows

If she pulls you up gaslight her back with "I don't know what you are talking about, you are making that up I didn't do anything, I can't help it if you read things into my facial expressions" and look upset.

One of my favourite putdowns is a laugh and "I don't know what kind of magic mirror you are admiring yourself in, but can I borrow it?"

GoldenBlue · 26/01/2018 07:16

I personally don't think using an insult back is a positive thing. I'm not mean and I won't stoop to being just because someone else is.

I would use 'that's a hurtful thing to say' in response instead.

It makes it clear it is unacceptable and not funny. It makes it clear that future similar statements would hurt your feelings. It removes any opportunity for them to try to kid themselves that 'it's just a joke'.

It is not a joke if it hurts your feelings.

Good luck, I'm not sure I would be planning to see them personally

Shakey15000 · 26/01/2018 07:21

"I would agree with you but then we'd both be wrong"

anothernetter · 26/01/2018 07:25

Your inlaws so absolutely horrible. Honestly I wouldn't give them the time of day. They will never change and they will never admit that what they are doing is wrong. I speak from experience. Mine are church going types that like to stick their noses in all sorts of community type stuff which makes them feel they can do no wrong. But they were vile towards me and my DH never stuck up for me so I cut them off and don't see them anymore and I can't tell you how much happier I am knowing I will never have to put up with their nastiness again. Oh and your mil is definitely jealous of you by the sounds of it. She sounds pathetic.

anothernetter · 26/01/2018 07:26
  • sound
BlackeyedSusan · 26/01/2018 07:27

I would saty non contact if I were you .

flumpybear · 26/01/2018 07:32

Perhaps just say 'oh bloody hell not this again .... yes haha I'm pregnant which means I'm getting bigger ..... now can we halt with the insults or should i start insulting you lot?'

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 26/01/2018 08:47

Start with a hard stare and silence. If anyone else speaks, hold up a index finger. Keep staring. When MIL speaks, cut her off with an upraised palm and words "That's not an apology", unless it begins with "sorry". Keep staring. If she speaks again, your response is the same. Eventually you'll get an apology, or you walk out.

Pannacott · 26/01/2018 08:52

Try mirroring it back to them?

'Oh OP, you're chucking it on aren't you?' 'Oh MIL, you've chucked it on too haven't you?'
'OP you're as big as a bus! It's not all baby is it!' 'Oh FIL, you're as big as a bus too! Is it all baby?'
'FGS OP, we're only joking! Can't you take a joke?' 'FGS PIL, I'm only joking too? Can't you take a joke?'

Or alternatively, 'What did you say? I'm as big as a bus? Why would you say that? You were joking? Do you want me to start joking too? About your size? Or your unhappiness? Or how hard it is for you to be kind to your family?'

Or maybe 'Why do you keep commenting about my weight? I'm pregnant. Is it because you are uncomfortable about your weight?'

Good luck they sound like horrors.

HazelBite · 26/01/2018 08:59

My MIL was furious that I had married her son, and when he wasn't there she would be really rude to me.
thing was I didn't really care her opinion of me didn't matter, so I just used to smile really sweetly at her after these comments, say nothing, which of course was not her desired effect.
It worked and she eventually gave up and eventually was vaguely pleasant to me.