Having come backs ready for family insults

[Ihatemarmite123]

To have some come backs ready for in laws insults.

So my in laws reguly insult me when pregnant. They did through my last pregnancy and I never said a word back. I'm 15 weeks now and we haven't told them but will soon.

Has anyone actually had a positive outcome when responding to an insult from family or has it just made things worse?

It's mostly fat jokes. I'm not fat at All, I'm only a 10/12 and 8 1/2stone 5ft4. MIL is huge and often slates people's appearance.... I think it's because she is uncomfortable with her own size. She's 6ft size 18/20

I'm afraid I wouldn't waste a minute of my life in the company of someone who insults me, they're not your parents, you didn't marry them, don't stand for it.

They would be so shocked if I spoke back to them!
And this is exactly why they do it and will keep doing it.
Unless you stand up to them along with your DH.
If you are NC though then just remain that way.

or... do what lovelyjubilly says.
That's a good way to set boundaries and if they break them then you are fully within your rights to go NC again.

@Ihatemarmite123 Question it and make them spell out the 'joke':

Them: You're so fat ha ha!
You: Fat? What do you mean fat?
Them: Big, fat, large?
You: sorry, don't get it. Is this a joke?
Them: Just saying, you know, that you're really fat, because um, you're pregnant..yeah...
You: Sorry are you joking that I am fat because I'm pregnant? ....What's the punchline?

Don't give them an inch, don't mention your pregnancy, just bestow a look of kindly benevolence at the silly duffers.

I'd like to add, are you sure that you really want to join in with these remarks? It's possibly more satisfying to have a 'come back' but more dignified to just sit there and give her a 'look' with maybe an arched eyebrow and a 'you don't say' in a slightly sarky manner then change the subject.

I wouldn't let it go OP. Stand up for yourself and sod the potential fall out. My response would be icily cold, borderline scathing said very deliberately, very simply. Something on the lines of, "Have you thought of accessing counselling for the issues you obviously have with me? I will ask my friends/colleagues for recommendations if you think it may prove useful...helpful even".
And pause, stony glance at her, turn on your heel and walk away.
People like this need to be held to account. Call it the next 'Me too' wave of calling out twattish behaviour.
You deserve respectful interactions OP, not disrespectful ones and certainly not insulting, demeaning ones.

If I understand this correctly:
-first pregnancy you got showered with insults about you being fat even though they are themselves much bigger than you
-you then lost dc (sorry OP )
-you're expecting again (congrats )
-you're concerned they might mock your weight again?

Seriously, if they dared making one of these jokes at you in spite of these circumstances, I wouldn't reply and I'd go NC again, as some others said.

So insensitive! Some people!

I don't understand my in laws, they knew I was carrying a very poorly baby but still went full on with insults..... very odd people.

The very best way to deal with people who get pleasure from humiliating and insulting you it to stop having anything to do with them. Mr Elbows' family went in for the same behaviour and were completely lost when my reaction wasn't to get upset and keep turning up for more regardless, but to choose to have nothing to do with them. Nobody has to put up with abusive just because what the abuser wants.

I like the the me too, on nasty in laws! I am not sure it does anything for self esteem being around people who constantly put you down but you don't respond..

Go the nice root.
Your looking fat.
I know great isn't it too see baby is growing so well.

But your getting big.
Smile at DH, hold his hand look into his eyes, and say...
WE are so excited.

DH husband can't keep his hands off me, he thinks I look like a goddess.

Your a lump.
I know lovely umpy mummy person....

you look ugly cow...
Oh thank you, Cows nature, natures Beautiful.....

It's called a baby growing inside your uterus for fuck's sake!!!!!

Where are the husbands in all of these nightmare MIL threads? Why do these seemingly wet lettuces never defend their wives/partners?!?!?!?!

My dh does defend me. But he cannot actually stop them saying these things. He would have to physically gag them and that's not going to happen

Pause after any comment then wow - nothing else

Ihatemarmite123 He can stop them, he can leave with you.

OP, could you answer WHY you are going to have contact with these people again? I mean, as has already been said by pp ^^, going no contact isn't something that normal people do lightly. You absolutely have good reason for being no contact... so why are you looking to change this eminently sensible arrangement?

Mother usually conditioned to please the mum.

It's because dh does want them to be somewhat involved with this baby, but it won't be on their terms and there will be no unsupervised contact

Why does your husband want them to be involved when they are so wretched to you? What benefit will the baby get out of being involved with them if they are so rude as to say these things to you?

The reason I'm asking is that as your baby grows into an older child, if these rude comments aren't checked, then your child will become aware of that and it's stressful for them - it will also be stressful for you and your husband.

I personally think that you must have both gone through quite a bit to go no contact and to go back on that means that your PILs will think that you'll come around again if they muck it up this time.

Obviously you have your reasons but these responses that you've had on this thread - great to have a laugh about and I hope you feel vindicated and better for having had them - but not the way that you can have a respectful relationship with your PILs, not with a child involved. They need to learn respect for you and know that you'll follow suit but since they are the ones who were rude then the ball is in their court to show willing to be decent to you.

This must be very stressful for your husband too, given that these are his parents.

" they knew I was carrying a very poorly baby but still went full on with insults..... very odd people."

Not odd, just nasty.

"It's because dh does want them to be somewhat involved with this baby,"

Why?? They don't deserve it. He should be protecting a child from them, not exposing it to them.

They don't deserve

I agree, they don't deserve anything. But to continue and deny any contact hurts dh. He isn't nc, it's just me. Dh is very low contact and only on his terms.

If DH gets back in contact with them just ask him not to tell you about any insults they throw at you.

Dh was never no contact just minimal. He'd never relay anything offensive. At the moment there is no reason for them to talk about me other than the fact they haven't seen me for months and there are no plans to change that just yet

OP feed us some likes and we will bat back some snappy retorts (if ‘why don’t you just fuck right off’ won’t work for you?’)

Lines not likes