If you wear a short skirt then you should expect eyes to be drawn to you...

[coconuttella]

I don’t mean that if you wear a short skirt or tight top that it’s ok for men to gawp at, catcall, stare at or intimidate you... it absolutely isn’t, but isn’t it natural that if you wear something that visually accentuates your assets, that you should expect men (and women)’s vision to be drawn towards them? Or should men (and women) always resist the temptation, and not let their eyes stray even for a moment?

Coco I get similar with a tattoo I have the sometimes showed over my trousers when I worked in a bar. If glanced I found a woman would sometimes say”oh what’s your tattoo/Is that a....” whereas certain males would say “does that go all the way to your bum” or “show me the rest of your tattoo” .

Your eyes being drawn to someone's attire, is fine.

Allowing your eyes to rest there after it has become rude to do so, is not fine.

Men are perfectly capable of averting their gaze when they want to. When their boss is wearing a horrible tie. When his belly is straining out over his belt. When there's a pregnant woman on the tube hoping to be noticed and offered a seat. It's amazing how men can fail to notice really conspicuous bits of people's bodies when they want to.

Not buying the idea that wearing a short skirt, means men can't drag their eyes away from the legs below the skirt.

Angels o read it as the op was saying it’s an all or nothing thing and that you should shut up and put up with both kinds of attention.

Every single woman on this board can tell the difference between a quick admiring glance and a leer. No special powers of telepathy are required. Anyone who claims this is not the case, and that there is a muddy grey area, is being purposefully disingenuous.

I am of, ahem, very ample bosom - I wear certain tops/jumpers that 'show off' my top half. Basically tops with a long v neck line. If I wear crew necks or god forbid turtle neck tops it just makes me look awful.
People do look, men AND women.
Disclaimer: I'm 53 and can assure you my bosom is not hanging out.

On a similar topic, if you're all confused about the grey area, try watching this handy guide to not sexually harassing people...

Every single woman on this board can tell the difference between a quick admiring glance and a leer.

Yes, instinctively I know, at least for me..... i think it’s anything longer than a second in general. Wondered if that was the general consensus?

So what's the question? Should people look at other people? And for how long? And are you asking to be looked at if you wear a short skirt?

I think that is based on the assumtion that people wear what they wear for the benefit of other people. Many people don't - they wear what they feel good in or comfortable in or what is practical for their workplace.

I don't think sometimes people do stare - but people stare at all sorts of things - often quite rudely. (My neice gets stared at because she is disabled) I got stared at and had rude names shouted at me when I was bald from chemo. That's just because the world is full of arseholes.

My sister who had great legs and was busty, used to get harrassed by ogling men making lewd remarks as a teenager - in the summer she would be dressed in shorts and t-shirt (she had an outdoor job) and she'd get men yelling all sorts at her - made her very self conscious and uncomfortable, but she put up with it because she didn't see whys she should dress uncomfortably because there are perverts around. She certainly wasn't trying to attract attention

I think attractive people will draw a longer glance than less attractive ones (I say this as a person with no assets) but I think you should stop yourself staring at people, if it happens involuntarily cut it short so it is no more than a glance.

Or - if I think something someone is wearing looks nice, I tell them (even strangers) - then they feel good rather than thinking a weird old woman has been gawping at them.

I wish more men would keep their legs hidden. Especially when they dress just to show off their calfs or ankles. Makes them look so feminine. Not a look i like.

...just awwing at the tigger hat...

My random thought is one thing that always bugged me when I was younger and went clubbing was that friends would slightly bitchily comment...as in ‘ooh you’ve made an effort’ if I wore a short dress but not at the girls wearing jeans and low cut tops (I had no boobs back in the day)

Agreed, IhaveBrillohair, there is a clear difference between dressing for your own benefit, or to look smart/confident/attractive and even to get attention, getting noticed by colleagues, is a good thing sometimes IMO. Cat calls from random people are not welcome but it does happen quite a bit IMO.

Agreed.
I wouldn't mind a random person in the street/restaurant etc saying, oh wow, you look great, in a friendly and polite way.
I would not like, "wit woo, look at the legs/tits/arse on tbht"
There's a big difference between a compliment and a cat call.

Yes look, but don’t say “great tits”
Look, but don’t grab their arse
Look, but don’t ask if they’d “like to fuck you”
Look, but don’t call them a “stuck up bitch” and threaten them when they refuse to give you their number.
Look but don’t stare, gawp and leer. Everyone knows the difference. Every. Single. Functioning.

Adult.

Excuse typos. Typing one handed on a phone.

Indeed. I love wearing a skirt. I wear a skirt or a dress for work very often, most days to be fair. Compliments are nice, and someone looking at you can be very flattering but catcalling and lewdness are horrid.
At work its nice to be noticed, but wearing a short skirt in the past I've had complaints about them before now, from my then (female) boss! which at the time upset me hugely
Louise