Would this put your hackles up?

[inmyshoos]

I've been chatting to someone online for a few months. Have met up a few times for a coffee.
I was slightly surprised when at one point he mentioned his preference (it was in reference to Naked Attraction, not just a random comment mid coffee!) for bald lady bits. That was a different thread....

So last night whilst messaging he asked what size waist am I? I said no idea but I wear a size 10. He replied 'Slim for sure and I mentioned I have to stay slim because I have joint problems but it helps I have a natural predisposition, slim parents, been fairly slim throughout life. He replied. 'I like slim... lots

Now he is almost 60 and the first thing I though when I met him was - clearly his pics were old because he was at least a stone heavier in real life. I would say overweight. He has lost weight since we first met. He said often puts on weight at Xmas.

I joked with him about it. He said slim is just his personal preference. (Same as the bald) so I replied 'Slim and bald fanny.... No pressure then'. Am I being unreasonable? I just think it's a bit rich coming from someone over weight themselves and not exactly a physical beauty.... I felt like saying 'm personal preference is totally buff and a massive schlong'.... But I'm not that shallow.... luckily for him!!!

AIBU? I can see me being single for the rest of my life

And let me guess OP, you're younger than him?

I find it surprising that he likes the shaved look at his age. When he was in his twenties it wasn't a thing at all. Are you a similar age to him?

Did you ask him what his preferences were or did he just state them? I am pondering how this might have just come up in conversation.

I think it's very early days OP and I'd keep my options open by talking to him and others. You don't have to make any commitments other than building a friendship, but he does sound a little bit superficial I hate to say.

I had met him.by the time he mentioned the bsls preference. It came up because we were messaging and I had Naked Attraction on tv. I had said it seemed to be the thing now... bald genitals , to which he replied 'I prefer bald'

I was surprised because perhaps wrongly I assumed at his age he wouldn't!! I am 20 years younger.

He sounds like a pervert tbh. I'd be put off anyone liking a pubeless look. Kids are pubeless. Luckily my DH loves milfs and 70s bushes. He is also a bit of a pervert but his perviness doesn't involve me looking like a child.

Bald no idea what bsls is....

Next!!!

Well I'd never have guessed that OP. 20 years younger you say?

I think I'll add arrogant and entitled to hypocrite in his qualities

Really, he sounds grim.

This would put me off tbh. My kind of man just likes women full stop and would be too respectful to talk to me like this so early on.

X-posts. Hmmm, I still don't like it. A man in his 60s wanting the bald look...? My antennae are buzzing.

He wouldn't be for me.

He sounds to be a bit of a twonk to be honest. Yes he is entitled to his preferences, but he's sixty two, a little decorum wouldn't go amiss.

I think some men do seem to believe they can make a sort of shopping list of physical attributes and find, or if necessary modify, someone to meet their spec. None of the people I have met who do this seem to give a second thought to the 'package' they are offering in return - they seem to feel that you either like them as they happen to be or not. I'd add that much if thus is conversation with friends, I haven't dated all these people personally!

Many men also feel that they could not consider anyone who isn't at least 8 years younger than themselves (even met a guy with 2 artificial knees, who couldn't consider anyone over a size 12, or over 45 years of age..).

I am much more personality based, there is a physical type I love to admire from afar, but none of my relationships have been with someone who fits it.
I think we all have limits, things we might find repellent (but even then might overlook if they happened once in a good relationship...), but this bloke telling you what appearance he requires is a bit sleazy and presumptuous.
Maybe start telling him you like a man who is slim, muscled, and has a full head of hair, and see how he feels about that?

I would be extremely wary of anyone who was attempting to impose particular standards on me (and that is what he is doing imo). This is not innocent behaviour.

Yes, we all have particular things that we find attractive but as I said up thread, he either finds you attractive and accepts you for what you are or you are not what he is looking for. This seems to be either an attempt to control you or to lower your self esteem.

I mean let’s face it, you wouldn’t have even thought about saying I like younger, fit men with rippling abs and a massive hard penis would you? You just wouldn’t unless you had an agenda.

I would run very fast and very far from this one.

I can't be doing with pressure to look a certain way. If he likes 'slim' so much, what happens if you put weight on? He's clearly not going to be happy about it (if you were in a relationship)

Does he shave his undercarriage? If he expects you to shave yours, tell him to shave his. And tell him your preference is for slim too, just to see what his reaction is.

I would because he holds you to a higher standard than he holds himself - i.e. he expects you to be younger bald and slim when he holds no expectations for himself.

It's a red flag if he tries to make you into his ideal slim and baldy woman. If it' just a preference, it's up to him.

BUT - I find that 60+ men are set in the 1950s - women put up and shut up, and are 'lucky' if they 'find' (or 'catch' ) a man. Should be in the kitchen and should never never ever have a thought/opinion that contradicts his.

I'd just never date again.

ugh, he sounds dreadful.

I wouldn't like that at all OP - and not because of squeamishness but because it's control. A preference for pubic hair/no pubic hair is one thing and if he likes grown women to deny the existence of puberty and get their tenderest part waxed to fuck that's one thing, but having a view on your weight? wtf. I guarantee he wouldn't like it if you expressed the same preferences - slim, shaved etc. He likes women to look 'just so'...where's the messy humanity, bonding, fun and acceptance of a loving relationship. Personally, I'd get bloody shot sharpish.

And any man lucky enough to get anywhere near my 'bits' had better not start complaining about them!

And your waist size? That's creepy. Sounds like he's measuring you up for a corset.

Not that there's anything wrong with corsets but you don't want some sleazy porker sizing you up for one...

Yeah - i'm a bit ewwwww about the whole exchange to be honest. I always feel like when someone tells you their "preferences" they are asking you to meet them and I kind of think that folk should just take you as they find you. Now if you decide not to shave/wax (too much upkeep for me) then you'll be wondering if he is put off - it instantly makes you question your attractiveness. But I agree that if you do decide (if you aren't already) go for a Kojak, then you should make sure he does the same - see how he likes them itchy apples!

Yuck. Bin him off. He sounds disgusting. Wouldn't you rather be single than with a sleaze!

Yes, that would totally put my hackles up.
Ewwww.

Could he have been trying (in an idiotic way) to pay you a compliment about the way you look? Ie 'I like slim' / 'I like you'? Admittedly it's a stretch, but how is he generally with compliment giving? He could have thought this was him being smooth.

I definitely think people who have unrealistic expectations and then no self awareness are odd, and I think they might raise my hackles if I was trying to date them.