Would this put your hackles up?

[inmyshoos]

I've been chatting to someone online for a few months. Have met up a few times for a coffee.
I was slightly surprised when at one point he mentioned his preference (it was in reference to Naked Attraction, not just a random comment mid coffee!) for bald lady bits. That was a different thread....

So last night whilst messaging he asked what size waist am I? I said no idea but I wear a size 10. He replied 'Slim for sure and I mentioned I have to stay slim because I have joint problems but it helps I have a natural predisposition, slim parents, been fairly slim throughout life. He replied. 'I like slim... lots

Now he is almost 60 and the first thing I though when I met him was - clearly his pics were old because he was at least a stone heavier in real life. I would say overweight. He has lost weight since we first met. He said often puts on weight at Xmas.

I joked with him about it. He said slim is just his personal preference. (Same as the bald) so I replied 'Slim and bald fanny.... No pressure then'. Am I being unreasonable? I just think it's a bit rich coming from someone over weight themselves and not exactly a physical beauty.... I felt like saying 'm personal preference is totally buff and a massive schlong'.... But I'm not that shallow.... luckily for him!!!

AIBU? I can see me being single for the rest of my life

[Oddish]

Ugh, don’t put up with this shit especially when it clearly makes you uncomfortable.

[XmasInTintagel]

Not that there's anything wrong with corsets grin but you don't want some sleazy porker sizing you up for one...
That just made me laugh, I'll be looking for places to use it as a wise saying !

[AngryAttackKittens]

My response to the shaving comment would have been "What a coincidence, I also prefer the bare look! And I'm going to need you to make sure your arse crack is nice and smooth too."

And then start sending him ads for razors, and sign him up for some weight loss spam. Honestly, who does he think he is?

[Birdsgottafly]

This reminds me of the men who think "fat birds" should be grateful and put up with anything.

It doesn't matter what you look like, you can have preferences. Btw, he would be mine, i like big men and those that are in the overweight category, even when i am at my thinnest and hitting the gym everyday. And yes, if the man that i was with then lost a lot of weight it would change our sex life and i would rethink things, but then i'm not looking to live with anyone.

Are Bi/lesbians allowed a preference? because many on NA (and one's that i know) like shaved, but none are pedophiles.

[whiskyowl]

The idea of setting a series of physical preferences would really put my hackles up, yes. There's something tremendously entitled about an overweight 60-year old man telling other people how they should look. I used to work with a very unattractive, very obese 65 year old and he ranked the 30-something women in the office on a scale of 1 to 10 and would comment to each of us on the 'figures' of the others.

[QueenFrosta]

It's fine to have preferences. But there are ways of expressing these things, if you have to express them at all.

I agree with AngryAttackKittens, he says he prefers bald genitals so ask him what his preferred method of hair removal is. Waxing?

[XmasInTintagel]

A very overweight man I worked with once commented (to a group of about a dozen people) that a woman he'd met had a similar figure to mine, but 'better proportioned'. Without being conceited, I was at the time a very well proportioned size 10, so it didn't really upset me, I was just surprised he thought it apropriate.

Aside from the inappropriateness of his comment, I thought it was quite funny, and laughed it off, to the relief if the other people

When I mentioned it about a week later, in a jokey way, he got really cross, and said I was making him uncomfortable by keeping bringing that up! Apparently it was fine for him to talk about me that way, but not for me to speak about it.
I still don't know my place

[Birdsgottafly]

"There's something tremendously entitled about an overweight 60-year old man telling other people how they should look"

Is he? or is he stating his preferred body shape?

"if you have to express them at all."

I'd ask if they have any intention of growing a beard, because I hate them. I'm on-line-dating and nearly 50, we haven't got enough time left to not be honest about what we want and we shouldn't we?

[Chanelprincess]

I think everyone has their own particular preferences and that you either accept this or move on to someone else.

I'm within a normal 'healthy' weight range and love exercising but I've always preferred tall and larger, slightly overweight men...would you say I'm being unreasonable to express this preference because I'm not overweight myself? I certainly don't wish to offend shorter slim men, but I personally don't find them attractive.

[HesterShaw]

I wouldn't be in contact with him again.

[maddiemookins16mum]

He sounds grim.

[helenoftroyville]

He sounds pretty superficial, at his age you would think he'd have matured a bit. I'd probably not bother seeing him again if I was you, I can imagine he's a bit of a dick in a relationship.

[PricillaQueenOfTheDesert]

He would piss me off.

It’s amazing just how many men who look scruffy/dirty/overweight/bald/ugly etc think they are some sort of Adonis that can dictate exactly what sort of woman they want. They obviously have hundreds of women —in their fantasy— beating a path to their door.

So yes, it’s annoying, but not worth losing any sleep over. If you like him, carry on. If you don’t, don’t see him.

Being a single, crazy cat lady isn’t bad anyway 😊

[monopoly5]

I don’t think having preferences is a bad thing. He likes slim, he didn’t say slim & beautiful so it’s not too entitled. However he does sound a bit of a twonk.

Don’t most people comprise? I like a lovely face & square jaw, if the body is a little skinny or a bit puffy Im not fussed.

[HotelEuphoria]

I would be annoyed too, but then I am antagonised easily

I get the impression from all the MN threads, my own generation and having a 20 something DD that a preference for being bald is a more modern thing. So finding someone 60 who so early in a relationship openly states he has a preference for it and very slim too certainly raises a few alarm bells for me. If only because it suggests (to me) he watches too many films of a certain kind!

The above coupled with him being over weight and demanding slim and being 20 years older than you? nah love, sack him off you can do better.

In fact I would rather be a cat lady forever.

[XmasInTintagel]

I think, if a certain physical type or grooming habit is vital, people should probably include it in their intro blurb on any online dating website. Then people can decide if they fit the spec, and whether they want to be appraised against a list anyway...

I think the issue here is that it seems to have started for the OP as a thing about whether they had things in common and would get on, and is now turning into a physical appraisal.
There's no point in doing it that way round - if a certain physical spec is what you want, its pointless spending time chatting, then decide the other person would never be what you want.

[rookiemere]

It's fine to have certain parameters around looks, but at the age of 60 I would have expected the bloke to have a slightly more subtle way of ascertaining the information.

So checking that the photo is an accurate likeness is reasonable, saying you need to be under a size 12 and waist size 28 inches or whatever is less so.

I may take back my earlier comments about the bikini line situation as OP is the one who brought it up. I must be terribly old-fashioned as discussions about personal grooming are not something I would enter into with someone I had never met.

[0ccamsRazor]

I think that you should have told him that you like your men athletic and well endowed with waxed back, sack and crack . Tell him that a part of the bonding experience you like to go for a good waxing together and that you are finding it increasingly important that your partner have his belly, face and legs waxed too.

Ask him if he is prepared to go to the gym every day to keep toned for your pleasure and also if he has lost his hair on his head that he must have hair transplant treatment.

In fact he must look like an extra from Sparticus blood and sand or you will not consider him as partner material.

Oh and whilst he is at it he needs to lose 20 years from his age as he is well past his best before date

[BitOutOfPractice]

They have met rookiemere. It says so in the second sentence of the OP

[0ccamsRazor]

Oh and of course he goes first re waxing

[kaitlinktm]

I just knew you would be significantly younger than him!

I am 62 and I agree with HotelEuphoria that it is unusual for someone his age to have such a stated preference for shaved nether regions unless they have seen a lot of porn-type films.

[FinallyHere]

Fair enough for him to have preferences, good of him to be so clear about them ... so you can run a mile

[AtrociousCircumstance]

He sounds gross. Ugh. Entitled, objectifying and repulsive.

Why would you spend your time with this?

[QuimReaper]

It's all about the context. "I prefer bald" was not a wildly attractive remark, but it wasn't inappropriate to the situation. Someone randomly requesting your waist measurement is creepy, and I wouldn't be able to get past it. (It may have been a clunky attempt to get a titillating rapport going, but clunkiness is unattractive in itself.)

I think the hypocrisy angle is technically beside the point, but it would certainly exacerbate how raised my hackles would be. It wouldn't be even slightly less creepy if it were a mega-ripped personal trainer who asked for your waist measurement.

[QuimReaper]

(Unless he were actually asking in his capacity as personal trainer...)