To be wary of my friend

[Humv]

I’ve been friends with someone for a long time- she’s recently lost a lot of weight (well deserved and she worked very hard for it) and looks amazing. She is recently divorced, her husband was a nasty piece of work and cheated on her numerous times. She lost a lot of confidence and is gradually getting it back and part of that has been playing the field, enjoying herself etc, which I think is great.

She has recently told me she got drunk and slept with the husband of someone she knows. She wouldn’t call them friends as such but she knows the wife. My AIBU is around whether I should feel worried with her around my husband. Although a friend, she has flirted with an old ex whilst he and I were dating, although this was when we were much younger. I guess my self esteem is taking a bit of a hit as I still have some baby weight to lose and I am aware of how amazing she looks. My husband is incredible, I wouldn’t ever distrust him, it’s more a little wariness of her now as I didn’t think sleeping with a married man was something she would ever do.

Am I being silly and overthinking this?

I also agree that sleeping with a man is not illegal - she is not the married one. Such judgement of a woman's sexual behaviour

Well of course it's not illegal, it's not a very nice thing to do though is it? It causes such heartache for families. I really can't understand people with the mentality of "she's not the married one, she didn't break any vows". Why can't they both be blamed, it's shit that the OW can walk away without any blame.

You are being absolutely fucking ridiculous. So just because your friend has lost weight and is enjoying herself after a shitty divorce you think she's going to jump on your husband? Can't actually believe how pathetic this is. I bet your friend would be absolutely mortified you would think this of her.

OP, you trusted your husband before your friend got slim & shagged a married man.
You say you still trust him now.
So what's this issue? How is the friend's behaviour in any way connected with your husband?

If you want to cool the friendship because you are uncomfortable with the morality of screwing a married, do so.
It just seems strange to say you trust your husband ... but are now worrying if you can trust your friend. If you can trust him, what does her behaviour matter?

I wouldn't trust her either op. I would start distancing myself from her.

I wouldn't trust the tart. To be cheated on - and to know how that feels - and then do the same to another woman .... well, that is beyond me, it really is. Plenty of other men out there to shag, so it was a really low blow. Moreover, the friendship would be over for me.

Guys..this thread is from beginning of last year. Its old.

I've only ever slept with married men.
Run my own very sucessful buisness, own my large house. The hassle of living with a man is a mare. Most husbands are twits.
I get the best bits.

@grannywanny

Aww nobody’s bitten yet! Gutted for you 😔

OP she sounds like a bit of a twit.

I think she might need some guidance. Perhaps shes finding her confidence in the wrong places and needs steering back on the right track

Ha ha...lighten up stompie...just yoking.
Everyone on here is a snowy flake.
I'm a 97 yr old gay woman.
An artist.
Was a tad bored. So I posted crap.
Sorry. My sitter failed to turn up and the picture is due next week. Apologies all around.🍸

As someone who was cheated on herself you'd think she would have a bit more empathy for the partner. The fact she seems to place the blame on the man when both of them knew what they were doing is also seriously taking responsibility sidestepping her part in it. They are both equally responsible for the cheating act regardless of who is in a relationship and who isn't.

She needs to reassess how to retain her rediscovered self esteem and grow her new found confidence in a more positive way in my opinion.

That being said it shouldn't affect your friendship, but I would be clear that you disagree with her action and attitude towards it. Then move on. Obviously if she started making moves on your hubby I'd kick her in the crotch - but importantly she hasn't has she, she's confided in a friend.

The fact you feel insecure about your appearance is a separate issue and one, having been through the successful diet and exercise she has been through herself might be a good person to ask for advice and support, classes to recommend etc. as you seem proud of what she's achieved which is a mark of a good friend. You can do it too?

She did say she was ashamed at it but laughed about it at the same time. I suppose I didn’t really help matters because I didn’t know what to say. Her argument was that she has no obligation to his wife and he should have stopped it going further.

^Urgh she’s one of those then. No way would I trust her around my husband

The bloke she slept with is responsible for his actions. She is responsible for hers, yes morally questionable but the same whether married or with a DP. Your DH is responsible for his actions and should not have his head turned because you still have some baby weight. So I have two responses.

1- you trust your partner or you don’t, if you don’t trust your partner then you have things you need to work on in your own relationship.

1. You want to remain friends regardless of her having slept with someone’s partner (remember everyone makes mistakes) or you don’t. Therefore you either continue to be friends or you explain why you can’t be friends.

Good luck! X

@Grannywanny you sound like just my type of I’m honest 😚