POO KNIFE vs TOILET BRUSH

[BattleCuntGalactica]

Ye olde poo knife thread..

Given the voracity of opinions on the poop knife, I wonder if Mumsnet js pro knife, OR more in favour of the traditional loo brush?

Link to poo knife on amazon

I mean to me, a loo brush is for cleaning the bowl after you've flushed to remove any bits that have stuck to the bowl, not for dividing a terribly large turd. You cannot properly clean a loo bowl with a knife alone. AIBU to suggest that if things are to be effective we must have both?

What do we think, Mumsnetters?

We had the poo knife conversation many years ago in the pub after DH work colleague said his mum kept one for certain occasions. Everyone was giggling about it for weeks although I wish I had thought of the gadget hanging (hearth caddy) type thing as that would be fucking hilarious!

I think I'm going to borrow 'shatula' as an insult for arseholes now.

You need a Shit Claw; a wire coat hanger bent so that there is a loop for gripping and a hook for cutting. Once the loo is clear, clean the claw and loo bowl with bleach.

My DH were joking about my large poos which don't flush and I came up with a title for a children's book called "The Jobby That Stayed".

The secondary character is called " The Q Jumper" because he had to poo on top of my Jobby That Stayed, he flushed and it slipped past mine then disappeared!

We're very juvenile in our house!

Surely the term for an unsinkable is a Bismarck?

SHITCLAW.

SHIT. CLAW.

I love so many of you OMG.

But if the poop doesn't flush you just need to pour water in the bowl as you flush.... who needs a knife?!

@LadyBunnysWig not unless you want your loo to overflow and flood your bathroom..

Not that much water! Maybe half a pint would work.
How big are your poops that a bit of water doesn't get rid?!

nope no need for a knife , a 2 or 3 pint jug filled with water ( and toilet cleaner if you want ) and as you flush empty the jug FAST into the bowl while loo water is still running into the bowl . will normally shift the most determine turds !

I once didn't poop for 12 days. I felt awful for the last three or four days of it and eventually felt an urge to go while I was at work (savage, I know). I had no choice in the matter; it was going to happen with or without my permission.

I birthed an actual python in the ladies lav which was genuinely the biggest, most unsinkable shite in the history of womankind. I flushed, I loo-brushed, I pleaded to the gods to just get rid of it. It started at me malevolently through 17 flushes. You've no idea the level of hideousness a constipated woman's body can produce. Some flimsy shatula wouldn't have made the job any easier I can tell you.

Whoooo did it disappear on the 18th flush or is it still there now?!

Shatula That's the first time I've laughed all day. Genius.

I have actually in the past fashioned a wire hanger shit claw too!
I wonder what kind of implement might prevent a Poseidon’s Kiss? A poo net, such as the type that is used to contain DC’s bath toys?

@WhooooAmI24601

"I birthed an actual python in the ladies lav which was genuinely the biggest, most unsinkable shite in the history of womankind. I flushed, I loo-brushed, I pleaded to the gods to just get rid of it. It started at me malevolently through 17 flushes. You've no idea the level of hideousness a constipated woman's body can produce. Some flimsy shatula wouldn't have made the job any easier I can tell you."

I tried not to laugh at your unfortunate tale, but I failed. I'm sorry. What on Earth had you been doing to be clogged up for so long?

Dying of laughter here, thank you all nominate for classics!

What use is a poo knife without a poo fork to hold the fucker still though?

I cannot stop laughing at this

Perhaps we also need a POO SPORK.

This, and the other poo knife thread are the funniest things I've ever seen on here!

Sounds like you could have done with one of these WhooooAmI.

I spy a potential hole in the market-place for wedding gifts, a canteen of coprological cutlery. Imagine the look on the happy bride's face as she opens the present up from her new MIL who tells her "you really are going to need this, trust me", whilst glaring at the groom?

Battlegungalactica Me too. Not a fan of a loo brush but a natty little multi tool would be right up my street.

I've always liked the idea of the poo knife...but can't see how it justifies itself at a tenner (and that's cheaper than it was) when it is basically a spatula

A sPOOn I'm dyin' here.