Is it unreasonable to ask someone if 'it' was planned

[sirlee66]

DH and I were at a spa day (Groupon given by work colleagues at my last day before I started a new job)

Had to tell the spa I was pregnant as the massage on the Groupon wasn't suitable to pregnancy.

They lady who was showing us round the spa goes 'Ohhh was it planned?'

I was a bit shocked really. Why would someone feel the need to ask that?

Am I being unreasonable?

A little background: DH and I (both in our late 20's) had been trying to conceive our first baby for 2 years (finally fell wooo!) So I don't know if that's made me overthink it? Just seemed like a really inappropriate question to ask. So what if it was an unplanned pregnancy!? What's it to her? AIBU or oversensitive? Is that just something that people normally ask you when you tell them you're pregnant? No one we know asked us if it was planned because they all knew we had been trying for so long.

Rude.

Congratulations. Totally inappropriate in those circs.

very rude for a stranger to ask

It was a bit rude, but I wouldn't give it much headspace.

However, it's only the beginning, so you probably need to get used to it. For some reasons, when you get pregnant, people seem to feel they can ask you all sorts of personal questions, and touch you without asking. If you're a private person, it can seem a bit invasive.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

It’s not normal or appropriate to ask if it was planned. But people say stupid things sometimes. She is probably kicking herself. I wouldn’t give it any more thought.

Reasonable for a GP to ask, so they know whether to congratulate you, or offer support / reassurance / counselling

Unreasonable for spa lady to ask. She was probably just being chatty and meant well, but it's insensitive

Yes, rude, insensitive and crass to ask a stranger. I've just posted something similar on another thread!

Congratulations!

YANBU but currently at the end of pregnancy 2 I can assure you this will be the first of many inappropriate and rude comments you will get from the world and his wife, all of whom will think they have the right to comment/ask questions!!

Probably she didn’t think it through but trust me pregnancy and new parenthood brings out the wanker in many people. Wait until you are constantly assessed for how you are carrying, have you had it yet?? Blah blah!

Either Smile and nod or freeze stare. Your choice

The only person it would ever be appropriate to ask that question would be a medical professional so they can offer the appropriate support/care.

Anyone else it is rude

I think it’s very rude to ask even a friend, never mind a stranger, but you’ll find people seem to think they can ask/comment all manner of shocking things when you’re pregnant and sometimes they even touch your bump! It’s like all the normal social rules don’t apply when there’s a pregnant person! Seems especially bizarre to ask a random customer in a spa though, why would she want to know?!

Not even rude just plain weird!

Xpost with everyone else!

I bet she kicked herself after asking!

Sometimes people blurt out things they don't mean, she probably meant to say something lovely but that was the first thing that popped in to her head

Congratulations btw!

It is rude!

Like it matters if someone has announced a pregnancy, looks pregnant, or is holding the child. Planned or not baby is wanted so what difference does it make

Congratulations by the way 🍼

I can't believe anyone thinks it's an ok question to ask. My splendid friend had this once in a pub and her reply was solid gold but nsw.
'Well, we bang like a gate in a gale, so it was certainly a possibility'
She has no idea where that came from, but I was in awe of her!

Ah few, I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this! I was just sitting here thinking... why would she ask that!? What's it's got to go with her!? It's also weird when people comment on my belly.. like I've spent most of my life trying to hide my stomach and 'breathing in' and now all of a sudden everyone stares and comments!!

The best reply to that question is, "no I was getting in the shower, slipped on the soap and fell on his knob"

Rude. I've had two unplanned children, it was hard enough getting my head round it, without people drawing attention. First was when I was early 20s too, so it was coupled with the delightful question "are you going to keep it?"

It's rude. It's none of her business.

I have 3 dc with an 8 year gap between 2 and 3. Didn't get asked if he was planned but was asked if it was by the same father. I found that rude

Rude.

I have one dd (doesn't say her dad, abuse women's aid referrals etc). I've been asked many times by strangers of me and dd's dad will be planning another one (I don't wear rings, never married). Part of me wants to say "since he hasn't and shouldn't see his dd in 2.5 years and doesn't contribute financially or in any other way, to her upbringing, I haven't quite made up my mind if I want another one with him yet."

Instead I just say "ones enough thanks." People talk without first engaging their brains. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

A bit rude yes, she probably regretted it and went off to remove her foot from her mouth

Next time just say it is none of their bloody business.