Is it unreasonable to ask someone if 'it' was planned

[sirlee66]

DH and I were at a spa day (Groupon given by work colleagues at my last day before I started a new job)

Had to tell the spa I was pregnant as the massage on the Groupon wasn't suitable to pregnancy.

They lady who was showing us round the spa goes 'Ohhh was it planned?'

I was a bit shocked really. Why would someone feel the need to ask that?

Am I being unreasonable?

A little background: DH and I (both in our late 20's) had been trying to conceive our first baby for 2 years (finally fell wooo!) So I don't know if that's made me overthink it? Just seemed like a really inappropriate question to ask. So what if it was an unplanned pregnancy!? What's it to her? AIBU or oversensitive? Is that just something that people normally ask you when you tell them you're pregnant? No one we know asked us if it was planned because they all knew we had been trying for so long.

It is rude, but when we had a large gap between ds1, ds2 and dd I preferred it to the assumptions that dd had a different dad and I'd left the other two's Dad.

I know divorce and blended families is nothing unusual, but you don't presume, even a teacher decided this was the case.
I found this far ruder and unacceptable tbh.

My amusing reply was always "Yes, we planned 13 years between the first and last, doesnt everyone?"

Yep, I was in my early to mid 20's when I was pregnant with my first and all people kept asking me was 'was it planned' like it must have been an accident because your young

I always find the concensus on these threads is that everyone says "yes, that's very rude, people shouldn't ask that", and I agree - however, I'm pregnant with my first now and have been asked that question by a few work colleagues as well as some members of DH's family. I am confused how there is no difference of opinion about this online, but my RL experience is that lots of people clearly think it is acceptable, because they're asking us?! It's really weird.

Ha when pregnant with no 3 at age 43 after 7 yr gap was constantly asked Even by randoms. I was kind of amused by it. Am sure everyone was thinking it even if they didn't say it tho! Honestly people say things without thinking. Its rude but I doubt it's intended to be.

There are 16 months between my two and they probably look closer than that (they're mistaken for twins all the time). I was in a jewellery shop buying a present, so taking my time, looking at various things when the lady behind the counter commented on how close in age my daughters are. She went on to ask was it planned? Erm, yes thanks, but the best bit was when she then looked at me at said 'well just make sure you don't let it happen again'!!
I'm bloody 36 years old, I was so shocked I couldn't think of any good comebacks so paid up and left. DH did say the look on my face probably said it all.

I'd just look at her funny and say 'what a personal question' with a raised eyebrow.

Well actually to be honest I'd probably do a silly nervous laugh and answer her honestly, and then kick myself

@BlackandWhitepostcards the checkout lady in Sainsburys did that to me too! As she scanned it she said 'oooh, would it be good news?'

Maybe she thought you'd booked the spa day and then found out you were pg.

Rude.

When I told my work colleagues I was asked who the father was......surprisingly my husband of several years 🙄😳

So rude but I've been asked it so many times. I think it might be a regional thing because nobody ever asked me that last time but I live in a new area and its the first thing people ask! So weird. X

MIL asked this when we told her

I was asked a few times when pregnant with DD (who was very much unplanned) and never thought of it as a rude question, just people trying to take an interest or make small talk. It seems I'm in the minority on this one though!

I think u can look at it in a rude way or u can flip it and read between the lines, people want to know is this something u have been hoping for and finally got or is this a surprise? If it is something u have been hoping for then your attitude is likely to be happiness, if it’s a surprise it could be either happy or sad or worried.
People need to change the question to are u happy? But, after all that I’m talking about people who know u, not someone at a spa!!!
Just my opinion.

Haha! Nobody asked me when I was pregnant with ds1 but 3 years later with ds2 loads if people asked if he was planned. Weird!

Rude. I was asked this. I just gave a huge, beaming smile and said “nope!”

A woman serving me falafel asked if I was pregnant with my twins via IVF?! Literally had never spoken to her before in my life. Why on earth would I share my fertility status with her?!

It’s just another on the very long list I like to call “Ridiculous Things To Say To Pregnant Women”. I can’t think of any other situation in life that attracts so many STUPID questions, it’s like people HAVE to ask details because if they don’t something major will happen.
Just file it alongside “Had you been trying long?” “Would you prefer a boy or a girl?” and my personal favourite “Are you planning on having any more?”

My mil was telling us about someone on her husband's side is about to become a father, it wasn't planned but they're happy. She's left it late at 37 . Im 36 my latest baby is almost 1.

Why is it rude? I genuinely am missing why you would get offended? There are some things at a spa you can't enjoy when pregnant perhaps? I don't know. But I seriously wouldn't imagine this was said to cause offence.

Be happy.

I'm on my second pregnancy now and have had about 5 people ask me if it was planned.

One was someone I had never met before and was a bit shocked when she overheard I was pregnant and asked if it was planned I said this is my second, to which she gasped and asked if my first was a mistake or planned

I am mid to late 20s, found myself explaining that o an happy married own my home and very much wanted children young. I regret having to justify this out of embarrassment.

To another lady that said I was "too young to have two babies" I wish I had said. Well my DH and I have been sleeping together for 10 years... It was bound to happen...

It’s never ok to ask. Even healthcare professionals do t need to blurt it out either - I’m a GP and might say something like “How do you feel about the pregnancy?”

Congratulations op

It was rude, but people say the oddest things about pregnancy and babies. I once worked with a woman who had three children. Another co worker asked her one day if they all had the same dad. The poor woman had been with her husband twenty odd years, so you would hope!

Years ago the people opposite us had a baby girl. Their other two sons were around 12 and 10 at the time, and the couple in their late thirties. My DM and I got chatting to the woman with her baby in the street on day. Woman was saying how shattered she was feeling that day. My DM responded "Babies can be so exhausting. Especially when they're not planned" Woman gave DM daggers before answering "She was planned"

I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.