Who WBU: baby and train

[Charmander123]

So I'm on a train with my baby which is about an hour long. There's a woman next to me with a young baby and a toddler. Her little girl really needed the loo so she asked if I could watch the pram. I said yes and luckily the baby didn't cry in that time ;-)
(This train is a little dated so the only toilets are those very tight ones at the far end of the train)
As the mum left, this group of l women behind me started bitching and having a go about how wreck less the mother was leaving the baby there with a stranger. I turn around and say he is in safe hands, and asked how many of them had 2 young kids (turns out none of them had any ).

I didn't mind at all but in this situation;
Do you think the woman were wrong to be so judgemental or wrong for the woman to leave the baby with me?
Xxxxx

So would you not do it because of upsetting the child or because of the risk of harm?

This happened to me but the women didn't ask me first. She went off to change the baby in the loo and left a toddler on her own. Toddler ends up wandering down the train on her own so I ended up chasing after her and sitting her down and reading her book with her till mum came back!! it must be difficult with two but you'd at least ask!

I'm not sure I would do that myself but then, I don't have 2 young children. If she had to do it, then I agree a mother also with a baby would be the safest bet.

If you'd asked me this when I just had pfb I would have been horrified. Then I had DC2 and had to do a very long train journey at short notice with both of them alone. When a very kind older couple heard my only just toilet trained DD1 exclaim a sudden "I need a poo NOW mummy!" I gratefully accepted their offer to hold the 4 month old.

My urgent mental risk assessment included knowing that we had just passed a stop so they couldn't get off for at least 20min and having booked a seat in sight of the toilet. Plus the whole conversation being witnessed by a full carriage of people who I doubted were likely to be complicit in my baby's abduction.

When I came back they had him giggling happily. They were en route to see their own DGC.

I was very grateful. And have asked and offered for other mums since.

No judgement here, risk assessment carried out; woman with her own DC and on a moving train she can’t get off and a whole carriage full of people watching her.
Our fear of abuduction/Harm coming from strangers is disproportionate to the actual risk. (And by not allowing our children the opportunity to play outside/walk anywhere alone we actually harm them more through obesity/sedentary lifestyle, but that’s another thread).
I’ve numerous friends who have been abused by family members/friends however. As a previous poster said often strangers aren’t the issue.

It's not about abduction, it's about the mother being distracted by her own baby, it's about well meaning people feeding the wrong thing to the baby (read the threads on here), it's about simply not wanting to let a baby out of my sight in a public place. It's a pain to manage with babies and toddlers in a plane (because toilets are tiny, but you can leave the door open, what choice do you have), on a train, in motorway loos or even the supermarket but I personally organise my trips to be able to manage as much as possible on my own.

Nowadays, it's also about the very sad risk of a terrorist attack and not being stuck at one end of a carriage if the baby is left on the other end.

So what do you think will hasten in hospital Shasta? Genuinely curious. We did 4 months solid and for days solid he was on TPN and o2 so literally couldn't get out of bed. Dh was gone 20 hours a day between sleep and work. Curious for what risks you would refuse to even go to the toilet for those hours

none of the others mums left their kids on the ward either. I am just not happy leaving my newborn alone. The set up is different, because the parent is supposed to look after their own, so no one is there to keep an eye on the baby. (another reason why we campaign for partners to be allowed to stay overnight when needed but that's an entire thread entirely!)
There are maternity wards where mothers can't even get water, so no chance of the staff keeping an eye on things when they are completely overworked somewhere else.

On a maternity ward, it's also quite rude to leave a baby who can start crying and disturb everybody else whilst the mother is in the loo or having a shower.

So what do you think will hasten in hospital Shasta? Genuinely curious. We did 4 months solid and for days solid he was on TPN and o2 so literally couldn't get out of bed. Dh was gone 20 hours a day between sleep and work. Curious for what risks you would refuse to even go to the toilet for those hours

Yep. Dd was only in for a week but also bed bound. I stayed with her on a cot bed but still needed to pee, eat (no meals for parents on the ward, had to go to the shop/canteen). Dh came in once to bring a change of clothes/pj’s (emergency admission) but otherwise it was just me and her.

reallly I did sometimes wish I had a traveljohn for middle of the nights hehe

they were very wrong to be judgemental. You have to do this sometimes on trains. As long as you arent at a station and have chosen someone who also has kids with them to keep an eye on your baby then its pretty safe. I mean its not like anyone can get off the train with your baby. And they know where you have gone if theres a prob.
I would always watch someones baby with care if they asked me to on a train.
This is a reality of life if you have more than one child and you are travelling long distances on your own. Women should help each other not pour down judgement.

they were being ridiculous. I understand the idea that you don't leave your kids with a stranger but you would generally expect that someone with a baby is trustworthy to watch another baby for 5 minutes. Especially considering it's a moving train, even if the train got to a stop you'd hardly be likely to get off and run away with both babies. what is the world coming to when it's a big deal for one mum to help another.

I wouldn’t have left the child

I've done that. Always picked a nice older lady who has been delighted and chosen when I know there's a while between stations. Everyone around hears you, they can't get off the train, it's not really like abandoning a child in the middle of London is it?
It's often got lovely conversation going when you get back as well.

I've also done it for people-probably as deemed safe because I had three older ones with me.

I don’t think she wbu at all.
However, when my dd1 was around six weeks old I took her on a five hour train journey and after a few hours I was desperate for a wee. I had been talking to another passenger for a couple of hours and she knew dd’s name, age etc and was talking about nieces and nephews etc. Dd was fast asleep in her car seat so I asked if she could watch her while I dashed to the loo and she readily agreed. I came back straight away and she had moved herself and her belongings to the other end of the carriage to sit with a group of men who had produced a load of alcohol- dd was still happily asleep completely alone at a table seat! Said woman then completely ignored me for the rest of the journey, was very strange!

I have done it before - both left baby and looked after someone else’s. Sometime you just have to use instinct and trust a stranger.

Many years ago i was on the beach with two young kids and this man approached us asked if we could watch his son for a few minutes as there was no toilets nearby he wanted to pop behind a post to piddle but didnt want hsi son to see sorry no remarks on piddling under piers anyway the son played happily with my two in fact ended up staying for a while kids wanting to pee can be a nightmare so you have to trust instinct and ask

The likelihood of seating yourself next to a female, psychopath who abducts or murders babies is less than remote. Particularly one with their own baby. It was a sensible request with minimal risk. Really sad there are so many who don’t trust anyone and see danger everywhere.

I must have an honest face!

At different times I've looked after three babies/not yet toddlers while their mums took an older, but not yet able to do it themselves older child to the loo.

And a week or two back I came out of the ladies and there was a woman at the entrance with a small boy and she was telling him he had to go in on his own because she couldn't take the baby and pram in. He was very upset. I offered to either mind the baby or take the boy in. She opted for me taking him in - but I could hardly run away with him while she was at the door, could I?

And if I'm asked to babysit for a few minutes again I'll do it willingly. It makes someone's life a bit easier. I promise all babies, toddlers and small boys are completely safe with me!

I was chatting to a mum while waiting in a hospital ward waiting area. She was waiting for the ward to open for visitors, I was waiting for my dad to return from a procedure.

She asked if I could watch her sleeping baby for 5 mins while she went and spoke to a nurse because she was worried about her relative, of course I said yes, but it wasn’t until she went I thought I hope this lo doesn’t wake up grumpy, and find themselves with a complete stranger! She must have thought twice about it too as she rushed back a couple of minutes later with an obvious look of relief I was still there!

You were on a train, were obviously a mum, looked approachable, you couldn’t go anywhere, there were loads of witnesses very low risk.

When DD was eight weeks old we took the ferry back from France - unfortunately in really bad weather with waves going over the boat. My only choice was to quickly ask a complete stranger to hold her at the spur of the moment so I could help DS (4 at the time) who was seasick and then got seasick myself. The person who offered impromptu help It was a young chap travelling with his mum and he was chuffed to be able to help in spite of circumstances.

I have done it before - both left baby and looked after someone else’s. Sometime you just have to use instinct and trust a stranger.

Totally agree, Sing along. That's life.

No one should ever ever ever leave a baby/child with a stranger luckily you are a good person but what if you hadn't been. Women are as equally evil as men. Rose west. Myra hindley need I say more.

*Rose west. Myra hindley probably still couldn't have done much stuck on a train between stations with their own kids when everyone knows mom has asked them to watch the baby