In wondering when the hell everyone lost respect for relationships?!

[hellogoodbye1]

Happily married to dh. Have a young ds.

Yesterday no less than THREE men came on to me.

All of them are friends with dh too! All have wives/ long term partners.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I feel like people are giving less of a shit about this kind of thing these days.

When I had a go at one of them he told me I should have felt flattered not angry. Wtf?

More likely that you are somewhat deluded imho.

Jesus wept. What happened to I believe you?!

FFS there are some out and out arseholes on here these days.

OP I hope you're managing to ignore them OK.

I believe you OP.

Kind of sad to get such negative comments on this thread on the actual weekend of all the women's marches. What happened to I Believe You? Me Too? #timesup?

FFS

Were you clothed?

@ *Piffle.

Well I haven't got past the first few posts yet but I am agog to know what on earth the OP was doing to have been so fortunate/unfortunate (delete as applicable) to have three of her husband's friends come on to her in one day.

She committed the crime of being female.

It happens.

@HeartsTrumpDiamonds

'We believe you' is misguided and I'm pleased it didn't last long. I don't automatically believe someone because we both have vaginas.

I don't believe the OP, for example. I wonder how she's misreading people.

Okay I can see how it happened now and although I don't think each individual come on was particularly unusual, it is pretty unusual to have them all happen on one day.

He's annoyed and it's probably made him feel like shit too but it would have felt REALLY wrong not telling him.

See, I wouldn't have done that. People flirt when they are drunk and say/do stupid things. I would be wary of those men from now on but I wouldn't rock the boat by telling my DH. Especially not if as you say you are coming out of a rocky patch in your marriage. It smacks of trying to make him feel insecure or trying to cause a problem where there is none. They flirted a bit too hard, you ignored them. It's a non story.

If it were the other way round and he didn't tell me it would probably make me suspicious.

If he didn't tell you, you wouldn't know.

Even if it was a bet its a pretty shit bet, isn't it? Lets all try it on with this woman today, bet each other £50 as to who will get her. Its not impossible that OP is telling the truth. Men can do some really shitty, sexist things at times - are we still allowed to say that or will the NAM crew start with accusations that its man-bashing, man-hating etc

Women are disbelieved in the face of snipy "oh you must think you're a man magnet or somethiing"

I was out on Friday with OH. Went to the loo on way back was approached by a random man I didn't know.. When I said no thanks, I have a partner and he's actually here with me he said "so? we can
just be friends, give me your number"

If this kind of thing happened to a woman 3 times at a social event where she knew host and was with her partner - would she be deemed to be "asking for it?"

This thread has made me recall years ago when I split with DH. 2 of his mates came round uninvited on separate occasions to "see if I was ok"..on my doorstep expecting to come in late evening, and I I didn't even know them that well.

Mind you women have come on to OH too and they know he isn't single as they've seen us together even if I don't know them, so its 6 of one half a dozen of the other when it comes to respect for relationships lessening as time goes on.

According to a lovely comment I saw on FB earlier its worse as there are a lot of lonely women out there needing a man nowadays .

'We believe you' is misguided and I'm pleased it didn't last long.

You're pleased that people are going back to immediately assuming all women are liars and make this shit up?

So much abuse is kept hidden precisely because women are not believed.

I'd much rather believe a woman and be wrong than not believe a woman and be wrong.

Because chances are pretty fucking high every bloody time that women are actually not lying about this. Women have virtually nothing to gain from lying about this.

I think it's sad that people are a) going on about how the OP must be deluded and lying (what, because it hasn't ever happened to you, therefore it does not happen ever?) and rejoicing that women are being silenced once again.

"I'd much rather believe a woman and be wrong than not believe a woman and be wrong"

Trial by statistics?

Better than trial by "oh she's a woman, so she must be lying".

"oh she's a woman, so she must be lying"

When have you ever heard that uttered or where can you find a trusted source for this being said?

I'll be honest, it's hard to come back from any defence of trial by statistics. Do you apply the same principle to black people? The poor?

I think some men prefer married women for the extra naughtiness of stealing (shit when its their friends in particular though) and think that a married woman is likely to provide secret, no strings (no effort) sex. I'm poly and find men vanish rather a lot when they know your husband is OK with it. they either get off on the secrecy or cant be bothered with those relationshippy things of, you know, talking to you and valuing you.

I get this OP and I have a proper don't approach me face!

I've no idea why people have little respect for relationships.

The only other explanation is that they know your DH doesn't and so thought they'd give it a bash?

But coincidence is likely too.

I’m not assuming the op is lying.

It’s a goady post by a name changed op with zero posting history inferring that a woman shouldn’t be hit on by other men when they are the property of a man already, and that unwarranted come ons are only an issue within the so called sanctity of marriage and outside of that everything is fair game.

Either the op is very naive about the shitty realities of being a woman and could have phrased her op better.

Or it’s deliberately antagonistic and this particular grumpy old feminist is struggling to extend the principles of we believe you in the direction of the opening post, which is geared up to either result in man bashing or woman bashing and not much more.

PS. At 5'1 and 40 I had three full on cat calls whilst walking my kids to school one day. A song from a man at a bus stop, a "she's fit I'd fuck her" from builders who were walking in the opposite direction and vile gesticulating and shouting from a van driving past. So these shitty things can come in threes.

I'll be honest, it's hard to come back from any defence of trial by statistics.

Try using logic, then. You think it’s more likely that a woman makes shit up, than that the shit actually happened? If so, you’re an idiot.

I believe you too, OP. This stuff happens to women daily.

@TheStoic

I'm fairly sure that idiotic is using "shit" as a pronoun not simply believing someone because they're a woman. Logic has no bearing here and calling someone an idiot for disagreeing with you is for the hard of thinking.

I would neither believe nor disbelieve someone because of stats or their sex. I would want evidence. The opposite of We Believe You is not We Think You're Lying.

As we seem to have moved on from flirting in the OP to sexual assault / rape, it's equally easy to say 'most men are not rapists therefore the chance of the accused being innocent is likely'. Statistics, eh. It's almost as though they don't work well when determining a single case!

I was married for 16 years and no-one came on to me. Got divorced and a few male friends asked me out for a drink. Been in a relationship for 2 years and only been chatted up once, by a woman...

So I'm not doubting what you say OP, as I've got no evidence, but I'm just wondering whether I'm just not aware when someone's coming on to me or if it genuinely doesn't happen to me?

"Don't get all biscuity"

I love that phrase op

It happens to me on Facebook. Random men send me friendship requests and try to flirt with me. Mostly friends of friends, my account settings don't allow other people to send me friend requests. I'm late 40s, post photos of my DDs mostly, so nothing that special. It doesn't happen all that often but it's very annoying when it does. They're probably just trying their luck, though, seeing who will flirt back.

No one does this in RL though. But the only men I normally see are dads on the school run and they're mostly on their phones, the most we manage is hi, how is X doing?

Thankfully no one I actually know does this. But I do believe the OP, because these men who are pests on Facebook could well be pests in RL too.

Your dh has some pretty shit friends.

I agree with this.

Yep, I'd ignore all the biscuits and snarky comments. The women who do this are just super defensive and worried that it is their husbands doing it...

I separated from my husband over 5 years ago. During my marriage I was hit on/propositioned precisely 0 times. However, once I'd separated...

I have been shocked at the number of married men who've declared more than a passing interest. Late night inappropriate texts; direct propositions; attempts to court as you might expect to experience in a 'getting to know you' blossoming relationship; declarations of "I think I've fallen in love with you" right through to propositions for no strings sex arrangements - what with me being separated and, therefore, sex starved and their sex life being "dull".

I've come to the realisation that most women don't have a fucking clue what their husbands are up to. And most of the ones who proposition me are the decent, loving, family men who rarely go out and work hard for their families... We're not talking obvious 'sleazy' men or blokey chancers.

Oh and in my case, it is colleagues, friends, friends' husbands, children's friends' dads... never been flirted with on FB or by anyone I didn't already know. These are not random men in the pub. Well actually, I do get it from random married men in the pub, but I didn't even think of them when I was typing my above post. I was thinking specifically of people I know through work and my family life.

As soon as it emerged my exh and I were splitting up two of our mutual male friends (married to two of our mutual female friends) messaged me, one day after another. One flirting a bit, one basically offering to come round if I had needs (grim).And on the fourth day one phoned me 'to see if I was alright' then attempted some serious flirting of the ' I often wonder about what my life would be like if I left (wife). Would you comfort me if I did?' Etc etc. Ugh.
A few months later our DD's football coach made some highly flirty comments to me in front of my own elderly father who said something like ' now now,Steady on son'...

I looked rough as on all these occasions (on account of my marriage having just broken up and thus it not being the best time for me in terms of giving a shit what I looked like)

So it does happen and from people and at times that are highly inappropriate. The married ones made me feel sad because im friends with the wives and it put me in a position I didn't want to be in really-I never said anything to them but in one case wondered if I should have, as it turned it the h was a serial philanderer.The football coach made me laugh really because I'm old enough to be his mum just about.

YANBU

I was once at a restaurant with DH, and this guy kept staring at me. As soon as DH went to the toilet, he came over and started flirting, and yes it was obvious he was coming onto me. I thought it was so disrespectful and arrogant.