Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3

AIBU?

Is this rude?

64 replies

Sisinisawa · 21/01/2018 17:01

Eating lunch where everything is in bowls to serve yourself and there's some left over from first helpings.

A: would you like some of these?

B: no. I don't like them.

A thinks B is rude and should just say no thank you. B thinks they are just being factual.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Report

tobee · 21/01/2018 18:05

To me it's extremely rude. Just say "no, thank you". These people are adults. They should know better. I would be pretty horrified if I child spoke like that.

Report

IAmSamSamlAm · 21/01/2018 18:09

Is she the bacon/ tea MIL? If so, she's really winding you up this weekend!

Report

Pengggwn · 21/01/2018 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quartz2208 · 21/01/2018 18:20

Did she know her son had made them or does she think you did?

Report

mumeeee · 21/01/2018 18:29

Doesn't sound rude to me. She declined that particular food becauase she didn't like them not because she thought thw cooking was bad. I think you are being too sensitive Op

Report

Eveforever · 21/01/2018 19:40

My daughter is a B person. She's quite blunt by nature as she believes it is important to be honest; which is fair enough. I, however, do wish she could say things more politely, after all good manners cost nothing. As I love her and she's an adolescent, I normally give her a pass. People have a point when they say family members should be comfortable to say what think, but by the same token it's a bit shit when family members think they don't have to be courteous towards you. Saying the occasional please and thank you isn't that difficult.

Report

ZoopDragon · 21/01/2018 19:54

I don't think it's rude, if between family or close friends. If I'd cooked the meal I'd want to know which bits people liked/disliked- I appreciate honest feedback so I know for next time.

Report

BackforGood · 21/01/2018 20:02

I don't think it's rude in DiL / MiL scenario. Indeed, it's very sensible. Presumably, with an 'extended family relationship', you and dh are going to be cooking for her for the next 20 years or so. If she doesn't like {let's just say, for the sake of argument} sprouts, then it makes MUCH more sense for you to know she doesn't like sprouts, than for you to continue to cook them every time she visits for the next 20 years. If she just says "no Thank you" you might either just think she is full up on that occasion, or (as so many on MN are so easily offended) that she doesn't like the way you cook them. By saying she doesn't like them, it's clear it's her taste, and is nothing to do with your cooking, and that next time she is over, it would be a waste for you to do her a big portion as she won't eat them the next time, or the time after that, etc.

If I were eating somewhere as a one off, then it wouldn't matter so much, but that's not the case with someone that is likely to be your guest over and over again - when it makes sense to let them know your likes and dislikes.

Report

babyccinoo · 21/01/2018 20:02

Start doing it to her, maybe she will realise.

And if the food is in bowls, don't offer any, let her serve herself.

Why do they even bother coming over if they are just on their tablets?

Report

Dementedswan · 21/01/2018 20:04

My 7 and 6 year olds would say no thank you but please may I have xxx instead. Or they would take a small piece and try it.

Report

Sisinisawa · 21/01/2018 21:38

Baby - it's just how they hang out. In silence. Staring at a screen.

I find it really odd but I think they just like companionable hanging out as though we lived together.

I tend now to just ignore it and do my own thing.

For the record, they were roasted parsnips and carrots in a bowl. I know she doesn't like parsnips but thought she might like the carrots, BUT I was only offering out of politeness anyway because I wanted to eat them. Which she knew, because I always hoover up anything left.

I wasn't expecting her to eat anything she didn't like. My issue is not with her not wanting them, it's with the way she declined. I was taught to say "no thank you" and never to say "I don't like it".

OP posts:

Report

peachgreen · 21/01/2018 22:22

So you already know she doesn't like them - so presumably she's told you before? So I don't think it's unreasonable of her to remind you!

Report

BackforGood · 21/01/2018 22:28

Can't you see though, that if someone (or a couple) are likely to be cooking for you regularly - be that twice a year or every week, but it's likely to be for many years to come - that it would be better for them to know if there is something you don't like, rather than you being served it regularly and having to push it round your plate, swallow it down, or go hungry ?
Just because that is what you were taught, doesn't make it the only way.
If you are offended by this, then I suspect it goes deeper than the wording of the refusal of veg.

Report

Voice0fReason · 21/01/2018 23:17

For the record, they were roasted parsnips and carrots in a bowl. I know she doesn't like parsnips but thought she might like the carrots, BUT I was only offering out of politeness anyway because I wanted to eat them.
If I was cooking parsnips and carrots for someone who doesn't like parsnips, I would have put them in separate bowls.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling someone that you don't like a particular food when it's referring to something like parsnips - especially when it's someone who may be cooking for you again in the future! Most nice people would take that into consideration and either not cook it, or at least serve it separately and not make a point of offering it.

You offer her something you know she doesn't like and then complain she is rude when she says she doesn't like it. All sounds a bit of a dig from you.