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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on a 1 week yoga retreat in Bali while I leave my 2 YO with my ex partner?

92 replies

Goldylookingchain · 20/01/2018 23:41

Long story short: finally separated from my partner who was controlling and generally made me quite miserable. I am just getting used to being a single mum but feeling a huge sense of relief and getting back to my old self. It's my 40th very soon and I don't particularly want to be in the country; I have lost many of my friends due to the relationship I was in so don't feel like I have a lot of people around me to celebrate (!?) with.

I have always wanted to go on a yoga retreat and visit Bali....but I know how much I will miss my little girl and I can't help feeling like it would be selfish of me to go away like this.

What do you think?

OP posts:

User24689 · 21/01/2018 05:15

I've been to Bali twice, it's only a 3 hour flight from where we live. I was disappointed both times and definitely wouldn't bother flying from the UK for it. It might take you a few days to recover from jetlag each end too. If I were you I'd look closer to home, I bet there are some amazing yoga retreats in Europe for example.

SuperBeagle · 21/01/2018 05:26

I'd avoid Bali at the moment. Flights in and out have been unpredictable at best for the last 12 months because of the volcano situation.

Plus, it's a shit tip.

And it's a long flight from the UK.

Taking some time for yourself is absolutely justifiable, but I don't think you need to go to Bali to get what you're looking for.

stickytoffeevodka · 21/01/2018 05:36

I wouldn't fly all the way to Bali for a week - you'll spend most of it either sat on a plane or massively jet-lagged!

LettersAndNumbers · 21/01/2018 05:39

Just to defend Bali - some bits are shit but others are lovely. Ubud was wonderful. Kuta is a hole; full of Aussie bogans.

Just do your research if you do decide to go.

User24689 · 21/01/2018 05:41

Yes the volcano situation is dicey at the moment. Some friends of mine went for a weekend in mid November and ended up there for a couple of weeks. Another friend went during the last period of volcsno activity (year or so ago I think) and couldn't fly back out for 6 weeks!

SuperBeagle · 21/01/2018 05:45

Kuta is a hole; full of Aussie bogans.

As an Australian, can confirm that Bali is the destination of choice for bogans.

givemesteel · 21/01/2018 05:56

I don't think anyone else can really answer this OP, if depends on your DC's relationship with their dad and how you'd feel about being seperated for that long.

I'm sure Prince William and Kate Middleton left their kid(s) with GP at a similar age for a 2 week holiday, and I've known friends for this whilst they've been on a honeymoon / special trip, going long haul to India or Maldives for 10 days or so and leaving 2 year old with GP.

So people do do it, but I personally couldn't, it would be too long for me and too far, but I'd probably only be willing to do maybe 3 nights in the UK.

Only you know what your threshold is and how your dc would cope.

Only you know how well you cope with jet lag (it kills me but my dh is never that affected).

For the record, I went to bali in 2013 and liked it, went to ubud and Gili Air.

givemesteel · 21/01/2018 05:58

Another friend went during the last period of volcsno activity (year or so ago I think) and couldn't fly back out for 6 weeks!

OK that's a massive deal breaker, there's no way I'd go if there was a risk I couldn't get back for 6 weeks!

rwalker · 21/01/2018 06:04

instructor for gym just been to bali on one of these loved it .
please go as you said ex is a good dad. It will be good for you ,they will have a week together. win win

Thermowoman · 21/01/2018 06:07

I’m in Perth so Bali is practically next door. Some bits are horrible and trashy (Kuta) and other parts are gorgeous! But as others have pointed out the volcano is active at the minute, I have friends who went for a long weekend and were stuck for 19 days! There used to be wonderful yoga retreats in Greece, maybe something like that would suit you?

HuskyMcClusky · 21/01/2018 06:10

Just to defend Bali - some bits are shit but others are lovely. Ubud was wonderful. Kuta is a hole; full of Aussie bogans.

Agree. Bali is stunning. Saying the whole place is shit because of Aussie tourists is like saying the whole of Spain is shit because of British chavs.

Do your research and know where to go.

AstridWhite · 21/01/2018 06:14

YANBU to want to go on a yoga retreat but YA possibly BU for wanting to do it in Bali.

It's a really long way to go for a week and will be needlessly expensive. If the main point of the trip is the yoga then you aren't going to see much of Bali anyway. You can do a yoga retreat much closer to home than that.

laurzj82 · 21/01/2018 06:23

Do it! Can I come?

heron98 · 21/01/2018 06:25

I think it sounds fine.

However it's a long way to go for a week!

Jobjobjob · 21/01/2018 06:26

Go!

NerrSnerr · 21/01/2018 06:32

It’s just the volcano situation that would stop me from going. I’d go somewhere else instead.

JapaneseBirdPainting · 21/01/2018 06:33

Do it. You have faith in his ability to be a parent, and it is something you want to do.

It will be fab.FWIW, I had to go to Uganda for 9 days when my eldest DC was 2 and a half for work. That was hard hard hard.... not least because DH had never really had DC to himself for that period of time. (Although, he used to go away for work often and I was on my own for weeks and months at a time from birth). I was worried and angry about the whole thing (my work pressured me to go to a completely pointless conference along with 5 others in my team as they needed to us up the allocated funding... but that is another story .... just take my word for it, it was a fucking pointless trip). And Dc and DH were both fine. The ONLY issue was how I felt about leaving DC. DC was okay.

Alicetherabbit · 21/01/2018 06:37

I did one in Greece, was amazing came back feeling I could take on the world, however it was mainly just divorced and most cases bitterly divorced women, so be wary who you engage with as can drag you down.

Roystonv · 21/01/2018 06:49

I think you could receive clarity nearer to home and think you need to balance what you might gain from a Bali retreat with what you might lose (reasons stated by many posters). For yoga and the renewal you are seeking I know I would benefit more from going to a place with fewer disadvantages.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 21/01/2018 06:49

Yoga in Bali sounds heavenly. Go!

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/01/2018 06:53

I would go to Europe. The weather will be likely warming up nicely by Easter in southern areas. No way would I go so far with the risk of volcanic activity.

Snowysnowysnow · 21/01/2018 07:07

Nothing wrong with going on a yoga break but I also wouldn't be comfortable being that far away. Also, if you're going on a yoga break from the UK. What about Europe or India/Sri Lanka?

Broken11Girl · 21/01/2018 07:12

Agree with those saying Bali is a shit tip. It really is. YANBU to go away, leaving DD with her perfectly adequate caring dad, just go somewhere better

AdultHumanFemale · 21/01/2018 07:14

Do your research, look into the area, and if non-residential, try to figure out what it will be like where you will stay and what the journey / walk to the place will be like. Actually, even if residential, do this. Any accommodation near a thoroughfare is likely to be noisy as mopeds and motorbikes (prefered modes of transport) can be really loud. Lots of business and 'life' is conducted in the street, so if you are trying to manage jetlag and catch up on sleep, this can be problematic. Somewhere like Ubud has lots of very quiet places to stay, but just look into accommodation before you book.

Itchytights · 21/01/2018 07:24

I wouldn’t leave my two year old but that’s me.

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