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Original poster

To go on a 1 week yoga retreat in Bali while I leave my 2 YO with my ex partner?

92 replies

Goldylookingchain · 20/01/2018 23:41

Long story short: finally separated from my partner who was controlling and generally made me quite miserable. I am just getting used to being a single mum but feeling a huge sense of relief and getting back to my old self. It's my 40th very soon and I don't particularly want to be in the country; I have lost many of my friends due to the relationship I was in so don't feel like I have a lot of people around me to celebrate (!?) with.

I have always wanted to go on a yoga retreat and visit Bali....but I know how much I will miss my little girl and I can't help feeling like it would be selfish of me to go away like this.

What do you think?

OP posts:
namechangealerttt · 20/01/2018 23:44

Do it. You will come back refreshed, energised and you will be a better mum for it.

saladdays66 · 20/01/2018 23:44

Hmm. I think it would be great for you to get away, but I think it may be too soon fir you to go so far as Bali.

Your dd is very young.

Bali will still be there when she’s older and things have calmed down a bit.

Why not contact some of your old friends and see if you can meet for your birthday, but in this country?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/01/2018 23:44

I wouldn't. You've had the upheaval of ending the relationship which has presumably affected her, too. Plus, he doesn't sound nice enough to leave her with him. Also... it's a long way to go for a week!

NellMangel · 20/01/2018 23:45

Go. It's only a week. Yes you'll miss her, but then be together before you know it - all chilled out hopefully. Sounds like an amazing way to turn 40.

I would do some trial overnights with the ex if that's not a regular thing though. Helps get you used to it as well as DD.

saladdays66 · 20/01/2018 23:45

Sorry - opposite opinion to other poster!

Do you trust your ex 100% to look after your dd?

idontlikealdi · 20/01/2018 23:45

I wouldn't. It's a long way to go for a week!

NewYearNiki · 20/01/2018 23:46

You can do yoga retreats anywhere .

Bali may be too far and full of Australians anyway so hardly an unspoiled place anyway.

Do one in europe.

helpimgoingcrazyhere · 20/01/2018 23:47

How about the holy mama retreat? Then you have your yoga and can take your little one?

Tstar27 · 20/01/2018 23:48

Do it, don't listen to the negative replies. You need to do something for yourself or you will regret it down the line.

Yukbuck · 20/01/2018 23:49

Is your ex the child's father? If so, are there any concerns around him taking care of his child? If not then 100% go. Presumably your daughter stays with you weeks at a time without her dad minding? So if there aren't any concerns then go :)

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/01/2018 23:50

My youngest is 12 now but I’m not sure I would have been happy leaving him for a week at that age, he was still at the stage of me being his total world. He hated leaving my side and a week apart from me would have traumatised him I think.

Even if he hadn’t been such a mummy’s boy I would never have wanted to leave him with someone that was controlling and who had made me miserable. Is he a better dad than he was a partner?

saladdays66 · 20/01/2018 23:51

Tstar - nobody is saying op should not have time for herself. Hmm

What some people queried was whether op should go so far away and leave her precious dd with a controlling, possibly unreliable ex. Op has not mentioned whether her ex has had dd for so long. Dd might miss op.

GottadoitGottadoit · 20/01/2018 23:54

There’s sometimes a slight feeling on threads like these that you can judge how good a mother someone is by how keen they are to have their child with them at all times.

If the father is a good enough parent, and the child is happy to do overnights with him, then I would go.

NewYearNewMe18 · 20/01/2018 23:56

Bali for a week? You'll spend 4 days of that flying and the other three with jet lag.

GottadoitGottadoit · 20/01/2018 23:56

My ex is controlling and made me miserable by the way, but is a brilliant parent. Better at parenting than I am by a long way, and I’m fine at it Smile

ChinkChink · 21/01/2018 00:00

What Yukbuck said.

Do you have any concerns about how your daughter will be cared for?

Yoga retreat in Bali. Oh how I envy you.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 21/01/2018 00:05

Will your child be safe with your ex partner? After all you said in your post that he was controlling and made you miserable, so will he treat her the same way while she is with him?

Original poster
Goldylookingchain · 21/01/2018 00:09

My ex is a great dad and has looked after our daughter for a few nights in the past when I've had to go away with work. So I have no concerns about her being looked after by him. It just feels extravagant and I don't want to feel guilty when I'm there.

OP posts:
CommanderDaisy · 21/01/2018 00:21

Absolutely do it.
With all the upheaval you have experienced recently, a yoga retreat will be a fabulous way to be kind to yourself. It will strenghten you physically, allow you to step outside yourself, and provide you with some time to think without anyone elses input.
Your daughter will be absolutley fine without you, take the time while you have the chance and the money.

GottadoitGottadoit · 21/01/2018 00:24

I don't want to feel guilty when I'm there

None of us can really help with this. We can tell you that you shouldn’t feel guilty, but people have different levels of martyrdom bred into them that it’s difficult to break free from.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/01/2018 00:28

If he's a good dad, I don't think there's a problem with leaving her for a week in his care. Presumably, he's seeing her regularly anyway? It's pretty soon after the split, but it's not like she's being left with a third party - she needs to know her Dad is going to be there for her as much as she needs to know you are, so it shouldn't be disruptive so long as neither of you make a big deal out of it but you are still open to her questions.

I have had two acquaintances come back from vacations in Bali and been disappointed. And if you aren't great with jet lag it's a big disruption and lots of flying for just a one week break. So if this is a bit of a holiday of a lifetime type of thing, you might want to consider other options or do some research. They were mainly disappointed with the weather (it turns out they went in the rainy season!) and how littered and filthy the place seemed and tourist trappy (one of them mentioned chained up animals for tourist photos) rather than the tropical idyll they were expecting. I think the general idea of an exotic break is good though.

alotalotalot · 21/01/2018 00:31

What about the erupting volcano situation?

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/01/2018 00:33

Why would you feel guilty for doing something that will make you a better parent?

Taking time out for yourself will help you to shed some of the sress you will still be feeling from the split and help you reconnect with your inner self.

If you genuinely have no concerns over his care of her then go. Or perhaps compromise on going to a retreat in Europe so you know you are only a short flight away if anything happens, not that it will! Then go to Bali when she is a bit older.

NewYearNiki · 21/01/2018 01:28

When are you 40 op.
There are loads of yoga retreats closer to home

LettersAndNumbers · 21/01/2018 03:04

You'll miss her wherever you are so you might as well miss her somewhere you want to be! That shouldn't be a reason for not going.

The extravagance - only you know the state of your finances.

The only reservation I might have is jet lag when you get back. Jet lag as a parent is a killer and I say that as a couple.

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