Sorry this is a long one!
My ex has really pissed me off. He sees Dd once a fortnight and has absolutely no input into her day to day life. He has asked me if I think there is something wrong with Dd and if she is behind at preschool compared to the other children. His girlfriend has a nephew who is a few months older and is apparently so much more advanced than Dd and the two of them have been concerned Dd isn't performing as well as she should be. The nephew can apparently count to 100 and recognise any number you ask him. He can read and write and had been signed up for Manchester United already! He's a super child apparently and they feel embarrassed (actually his words) when they compare Dd to him.
This was all said in front of Dd (who was hiding under the table as she doesn't like going to daddy's house) and I was absolutely fuming. If Dd hadn't have been there I would have tore him a new one for daring to make out Dd is inferior and there is something wrong with her. I said no she is perfectly fine and on track and some kids are just more advanced than others.
He said his mum (who works in childcare) has said she's above average and there is nothing to worry about but that he still feels like there is something wrong with her. His nan (who absolutely hates me and doesn't particularly like Dd because she's mine) has said she is behind as well.
He asked if I sat down and did letters and numbers with her and said he did it the other day and she wasn't very good at it. I said I think at this age play is far more important than forcing her to do school work and I want her to just be a kid and that we can concentrate in all that stuff when she starts school in September.
We read together, we do crafts, we do actually do letters and numbers and I have a few preschool work books that I sometimes get out but I prefer her to play and be creative.
Her talking is really good but she gets a few words muddled up sometimes and mispronounces some words but can say them properly when I correct her.
She can recite the alphabet but can't recognise all the letters if I point to them and ask which ones they are. She can write and spell her name and a few other memorised words and can recognise them if they are written down.
She can add 1 and 2 to a number up to 10 and give me the correct answer. She can count to 30 but loses interest after that. She can recognise numbers eg house numbers but will say mummy thats a 5 and a 6 rather than that's 56.
She knows colours and how to mix colours and what the outcome is.
She constantly asks questions and I answer her as detailed as I can. Like she knows where her organs are in her body. She knows vaguely what each of them do.
Her manners and impeccable and her social skills are really great (she can be a bit shy).
She's a lot more creative than she is book smart. If I asked her to draw a house she does every detail e.g. she will even draw the curtains in the windows and flowers in the garden. If she draws a person she even draws the iris and pupil of the eye, fingers on each hand etc. She can colour and stay in the lines and will spend hours colouring and drawing. She makes up songs and stories and has a wild imagination.
I have not had any worries about her development but now he's made me feel like I'm a crap mum and should be forcing her to do school work every night so she can live up to his standards. I'm now questioning if she is behind and comparing her to other children which I never did before!
In his eyes women are never good enough and never up to his standards. He gaslighted and emotionally abused me for years and made me feel so inadequate (I am still single now 4 years on because I don't feel good enough for anyone thanks to him) I never thought he would do it with Dd and I'm now really worried he is going to make her feel inferior and like she isn't good enough.