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Original poster

Boss blanked me. Upset

96 replies

icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 21:49

Ok. So went out to a pub tonight for a drink.
In walks my 'current' boss. She sees me I know she does does an about turn and completely blanks me (turns her back to me)
Am I BU to be upset?
what drives people like this?
I would never be this rude. Probably explains why I will never be a 'Boss'

I won't lie. It did throw me a bit. Sad

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 19/01/2018 22:37

I don't recognise people outside of their usual context and have indeed been accused of blanking people.

People I know from dog walking I won't necessarily recognise if I see them in the shop, and I've been known to completely miss the fact that a colleague has just stopped next to me in the street.

So it can happen and there are people for whom recognition is more dependent on context than than for other people.

Original poster
icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 22:38

Yeah. I know I have had an over reaction.
But it's the second time this has happened.

the first time I laughed it off,
this time, I'm thinking Hmm

OP posts:
Jassmells · 19/01/2018 22:39

Maybe she's on a tinder date / having an affair / paying a male escort.... didn't want you to know. Or just rude.

OnionKnight · 19/01/2018 22:39

It's rude whatever the reason.

Idontdowindows · 19/01/2018 22:39

I don't think you're being over sensitive at all. Anyone would be upset at a perceived blanking.

It's just for some of us they're inevitable :)

wictional · 19/01/2018 22:40

I think you’re being quite unnecessarily scathing, OP.

As PP have said, maybe your boss didn’t want to acknowledge work outside of the office. Maybe she didn’t want you to think you couldn’t relax because the boss was there. Maybe she’d just had enough of her ‘current’ colleagues and wanted to forget about them for a night.

Either way, you’re going a bit OTT with this. It’s a non-event.

WeAllHaveWings · 19/01/2018 22:43

I stood in a check out queue behind my next door neighbour once, looked straight at her and never realised it was her until we were both unloading our shopping out our cars at home, I was mortified when it clicked and apologised profusely. Some people struggle to recognise others outside of their usual places.

Maybe she looked straight at you, mind was elsewhere, made the brief eye contact but didn’t really recognise you. Maybe she thinks you don’t want to see your boss on a night out and is giving you space. I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. if it was me I’d pop over on way too loos for a very brief hello and say have a nice night.

dailyshite · 19/01/2018 22:44

Using quotation marks sort of implies that you don't really mean it. There's probably a technical way of explaining it.

E.g. He's a 'friend'

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/01/2018 22:53

I don't know why posters are going on ad nauseum about the inverted commas OP, you've explained. Adequately, I thought.

This person just doesn't want to acknowledge colleagues outside of work. I wouldn't take it personally but if you see her again then feel free to do the same. Or just raise a sardonic eyebrow if you can manage it.

Some people are just like this... work is work, out of work is something that colleagues must not ever impinge on. It's a bit arrogant really but there it is. Don't try to catch her eye again, just don't acknowledge that she's there at all. :)

MatildaTheCat · 19/01/2018 22:53

I have a solid case of facial blindness. It’s a very real thing. I simply cannot recognise people especially if they are out of context. It’s not very unusual. So she may have genuinely not recognised you. I honestly struggle to recognise my own family for certain if it’s unexpected.

It’s an unpleasant condition as it does cause real offence if people aren’t understanding. Why not mention it on Monday just in passing?

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 19/01/2018 23:00

Eh shes a rude cow. It doesn't matter a fuck if she doesn't want to socialise how hard is it to just do a quick nod of the head, smile and wave to acknowledge someone. That is all that's required. Then turn away to show you don't want to communicate any further.

I would never ever ignore someone, if I seen them. Unless I didn't like them.

lololove · 19/01/2018 23:12

I'm just really not observant - like really badly - I can walk past people
I know really well and not see them.

I also struggle placing people I don't know too well.

nocoolnamesleft · 19/01/2018 23:14

I cannot recognise people out of context. I believe it's a form of face blindness. It's not that I blank people out of rudeness, just that unless I know someone incredibly well, I just don't realise who they are if I'm not expecting to see them. I've even managed to walk straight past my own mum, because I didn't know she was in the area.

Skittlesandbeer · 19/01/2018 23:14

There are at least 10 reasons she could have reacted the way she did, that don’t involve her purposefully being rude to you.

You might have to acknowledge that, chances are, it’s just not about you. And if it is, chances are it’s for you, not against you.

Even if she sends you an email on Monday telling you explicitly that she hates you and would prefer that you socialise on the other side of town, you can choose your reaction.

I’d personally think it all quite funny. And I like to live my life not expecting other people to think and act like me. If I woke each morning hoping this, it’d be too disappointing and energy-sapping.

If it happens again, perhaps you could notice it in passing then return to your drink, and spending your energy with people you know like you for sure?

BakedBeans47 · 19/01/2018 23:16

I can’t believe the posters making excuses for this woman.

It’s pig ignorant. I am sure the OP didn’t want to socialise with her either, but she could at least have acknowledged her existence.

YANBU

SouthWestmom · 19/01/2018 23:25

Did you see each other at the same time? Like eye contact?

If I saw someone I knew in a pub from work and didn't know they'd seen me I would probably leave turn away.

Longdistance · 19/01/2018 23:26

Nah, you’re not over sensitive, your boss is a wanker. It doesn’t cost anything to say ‘hello’. You don’t want a deep conversation with her, you don’t want a buddy, it’s just an acknowledgment that you actually breathe the same fucking air in the same space. You’re one of her team during the week.

What do some of you not get? Manners cost nothing.

JackmanAdmirer · 19/01/2018 23:31
Biscuit
ShastaTrinity · 19/01/2018 23:33

Reading such a dramatic OP, I can't really blame the boss for trying to stay away out of the office.
Unless she didn't even notice it was you.

peachgreen · 19/01/2018 23:36

My boss would do this to me because he'd assume the last thing I'd want would be to see my BOSS when I'm out for the evening and would consider it a kindness to pretend he didn't see me so I can avoid him. Given you're not saying hello to her either, maybe she's doing the same thing?

My best friend's fiancée did this to me once in a pub. I was totally gutted but found out years later that he also has 'face blindness' and genuinely doesn't recognise people out of context!

Viviennemary · 19/01/2018 23:47

She should have just said hello. But I agree maybe she was waiting on somebody she is having an affair with. If she saw you she obviously wished she hadn't. Maybe she didn't even see you. Maybe she is a part-time MI6 agent. Who knows.

OhCalamity · 19/01/2018 23:55

I remember bumping into a supervisor when out and she became very odd and panicky and actually quite rude in her haste to getting away from us.
I found out years later that she was actually gay and at the time was very much in the closet to work colleagues, most of her family but out to some friends, and chances are she was meeting with her long term partner that night and didn't want me to see.
I thought it was quite sad to be honest as that kind of in-but-out life must have been exhausting and difficult to maintain in our little town.

Oxcheeks · 20/01/2018 00:11

When you see her next week tell her that you saw her doppelgänger in 'X' pub on Friday night - spooky eh?? And leave it at that - she's a tw@t

ShellyBoobs · 20/01/2018 00:13

Are you expecting that you’ll have a new boss very soon, hence the quotation marks?

CharizMa · 20/01/2018 00:22

any chance she could have been meeting somebody on a first internet date? I'm always dreading seeing somebody I know, never mind somebody from work!