Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss blanked me. Upset

96 replies

icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 21:49

Ok. So went out to a pub tonight for a drink.
In walks my 'current' boss. She sees me I know she does does an about turn and completely blanks me (turns her back to me)
Am I BU to be upset?
what drives people like this?
I would never be this rude. Probably explains why I will never be a 'Boss'

I won't lie. It did throw me a bit. Sad

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 19/01/2018 22:14

A family member once reported to my mum that he'd seen me in town and that I'd looked straight at him and blanked him. I honestly didn't see him and really resented the accusation and having to defend myself for something I hadn't done. I'm just telling you this to let you know that it really does happen.

NataliaOsipova · 19/01/2018 22:15

It was rude. I agree. She should have said hello to you and passed the time of day.

But....I can sort of see it from her side. I get the same if I bump into one of my DC'S teachers in town. You can see them thinking "Oh no, a parent....". You say hello, pass pleasantries and move on....but I know for a fact (friend is a teacher) that there are some people who see it as an opportunity for an informal parent consultation or a chance to bitch about a colleague/fellow parent. Your boss had probably had a hard week and was thankful to be letting her hair down after work. She didn't want to be reminded of it. Yes, she was rude and gauche.....but I wouldn't take it personally.

RoseWhiteTips · 19/01/2018 22:15

Maybe she is having an affair as someone said. Is she stunning or ugly?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/01/2018 22:17

Rainbo. Op is not saying she üants to be buzzing buddies üith her boss, but A simple
Aknoüledgement üouldnt have hurt üould it. It's just basic manners.
There are plenty of people üho i üouldnt üant to socialise üith. However, I don't believe that gives me a free pass to be rude to them.

Original poster
icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 22:18

Stunning? Ugly?

Quite plain really.

OP posts:
Kintan · 19/01/2018 22:18

If I saw someone I didn't want to interact with in a situation, and I hadn't realised that they had seen me, I might do the same as your 'current' boss. I hate having to make forced small talk when I'm not expecting it so for me YABU.

NewYearNewMe18 · 19/01/2018 22:20

Work is work, private life is just that, private. Yes she could have nodded but frankly, if I go out I don't want to see colleagues or employees. I have to see them 9 hours a day, why would I want to socialise with them. Maybe unjustly I can envisage you going 'cooee' and bobbing about on your chair frantically waving I tried to catch her eye, but to no avail.

SallyOMalley · 19/01/2018 22:20

I have a friend who is rubbish at seeing faces in a crowd. She can look straight at you, but not see you, iyswim. Nothing meant by it and she's often a bit embarrassed when told she's done it again!

Original poster
icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 22:23

Awwlook has nailed it.
I don't expect to be best buddies with her.
I don't expect her to think of me in terms of 'best employee of year' Hmm
I do expect basic good manners, such as
''Oh look! there's Icenaslice lets be a decent human being and say hello Hmm

OP posts:
scrabbler3 · 19/01/2018 22:23

I'm sociable but I've been accused of blanking people. I think I'm quite bad at recognising people out of context. Maybe she's the same. Don't let it worry you OP.

tillytrotter1 · 19/01/2018 22:23

You sure she saw you? She could be like my OH, every other person in Sainsbury's can see me except him, he was once due to pick me up in the car, he drove by twice as I stood waving on the pavement, the third time I jumped in front of the car, a copper nearby nearly had a coronary.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 19/01/2018 22:25

I'm like Sally O Malley's friend above...I don't recognise people if I see them out of context. It's called face blindness. It has a fancier name but face blindness describes it well.

If I saw for eg the school receptionist in Tesco I more than likely wouldn't recognise her. I know her IN school but not out.

I once walked down a high street with who I thought was a mad woman chattering at me, without the SLIGHTEST clue that it was my neighbour from 4 doors up. DD had been there for tea! I'd dropped her off.

As for the inverted commas and current...you only need the word and not the commas.

Putting inverted commas around the word suggests sarcasm in this instance.

Opaldaisies · 19/01/2018 22:26

She should have acknowledged you but maybe she made an on the spot decision thinking that possibly you hadn't seen her, rather than going out of her way to blank you. Probably she wanted a boozy night letting her hair down and might have felt awkward with you there to witness it/feel that she should sit and chat with you.

I would put it down to her awkwardness than anything you've done.

Original poster
icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 22:26

Excuse the inverted commas.

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 19/01/2018 22:26

As a former people manager, I would feel really awkward seeing people I know outside work. At drinks if you're in one work crowd and they're in another, or even with non work people, I would say a quick hello.

But if I went to a pub with non work people and saw someone there I worked with/ managed, unless I was quite friendly with them I wouldn't actively say hello or go over and speak to them. I have seen people from work in the supermarket before now and ended up lurking in an aisle for ages to avoid them.

They were perfectly nice people. I just felt awkward about the encounter. Your boss may feel similarly. If she's perfectly pleasant to you in a work context I wouldn't be too keen to assume she was doing it to be mean, or spite you somehow!

Coconut0il · 19/01/2018 22:27

I would want to know if she definitely saw you. I once walked past my Mom in town, didn't even realise till she called out to me.

Original poster
icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 22:28

Excuse the drip feed, but this is the second time she's done this.

OP posts:
dailyshite · 19/01/2018 22:30

I still don't get the reason for the inverted commas. It implies that you don't think she is really your current boss.

sourpatchkid · 19/01/2018 22:32

I honestly don't know why you're upset. She didn't want to socialise outside of work. She doesn't hate your guts, she doesn't want a cosy pub chat.

ElephantsYeah · 19/01/2018 22:32

Just a thought... maybe she's an identical twin? And it wasn't her? I'm an identical twin and these sorts of things have happened to me and my twin before!

Original poster
icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 22:34

I'm obviously being over sensitive.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 19/01/2018 22:35

You should have got the hint the first time then, really Confused

dailyshite · 19/01/2018 22:36

I also think it's a bit of an over reaction, she didn't want to talk to you or she's shy or she didn't see you.

She didn't spit at you, let it go.

Original poster
icenasliceplease · 19/01/2018 22:37

dailyshite, she is my current boss.
I don't know why I used inverted commas.
Are there rules about these things?

OP posts:
GreenBook · 19/01/2018 22:37

If it's happened twice she may well be faceblind. Google it. In extreme forms, people don't recognise their own faces in pictures or mirrors.