To be furious teachers keep sitting 'naughty' kids next to my 'angelic' DC

[Flaky]

So he is then upset by them being mean to him and doesn't want to go to school?

This is at least the 3rd occasion a kid like this has been moved next to him.

Last year the teacher admitted that she had done it so DS's good influence rubs off but why should he suffer for it?

He's the youngest in the class as well (Yr2)and some of these DC are almost a whole year older.

Isn't this just very lazy teaching?

[kennethwilliams]

Another teacher here. I used to sit more challenging children with well behaved children for all the reasons detailed above, but I stopped doing it in the end. I figured why should the good ones have to put up with the disruptive ones? So then I sat all the more challenging ones together on one table and just positioned myself differently in the room so that I was ready to watch the challenging ones more easily.

[DearShirt]

IME it's not about it "working".

It's about getting the bums on the seats in some semblance of order which doesn't cause WW3.

The kids have to sit somewhere, right?

[kennethwilliams]

And OP, I'd be pissed off too if I were you.

[SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace]

YY - if it works so well, why is it so often the same 'challenging' child from year 7 to 11? Why does the good behaviour never seem to rub off in the 5 years well-behaved children have to put up with these seating plans?

[CoffeeBreakIn5]

I'd ring school and speak to the teacher - if he doesn't want to go to school then the seating arrangement is not working.

The naughty kids have to sit somewhere but why should they be allowed to make another child not want to go to school? I'd imagine the teacher doesn't realise the negative impact it's having.

Not sure why you're getting snarky remarks here. If it was just your opinion that your DS shouldn't be near naughty kids then that's different, but your DS doesn't want to go to school. That's totally different.

[pointythings]

I'm on the fence about this. My DDs have always been those 'good' kids who were supposed to rub off on others. And in some cases it has actually worked - my DD1 is strong and quite maternal and she has on occasion really enjoyed helping a struggling peer. The same applies to DD2, though she is more anxious by nature.

However, there have also been times when it really has not worked. As a parent you have to be on the lookout for that happening, and a good teacher will deal with it instantly by changing the seating plan when it does. DD2 was briefly sat next to a boy who turned out to be a very unpleasant character who went straight into pretty serious bullying. She told me, I told her to report it, and when she did it was dealt with strongly at once. If that is how things are handled then the method itself is OK.

[SkyIsTooHigh]

I think this is part and parcel of school life but there's nothing to stop you bringing incidents to the teacher on a case by case basis if your child is significantly affected. Just do it alongside teaching your child coping strategies and tolerance, not instead of.

If your child is particularly angelic then that can look like they are always having to sit with someone difficult. Sometimes that is the case, but other times it can be because the "angelic" child has a very low tolerance of "normal" behaviour and would complain about nearly anyone in the class. As would their parent. It's hard to know sometimes.

[SpringBlossom2018]

They did this with my DCs too. Both of them are on the spectrum and the kids who are sat next to them are of the 'wind 'em up and watch 'em go' type. They get off on the kids reactions.

I made them move my DS once the kid they were trying to 'settle down' near him hurt him badly twice within two days. DD got moved without any fuss because we discovered she has hearing loss.

[ChickenPaws]

Chickenpaws, as the mother of a non NT child, your comment makes me wonder if you are neurodivergent too.

Slipping a little insult in there are we?

[SpringBlossom2018]

So she got moved closer to the teachers where she can hear better. (we've been told she doesn't need hearing aids yet).

[crunchymint]

I was an anxious quiet child who had a few good friends. I wasn't bullied and did learn resilience i.e. put up and shut up. But I never learned how to work when being constantly interrupted. I did okay at school, but I do think overall I under achieved.

[RubyRoseViolet]

Yanbu at all op. This is the story of my Dd’s life. For 4 years she was sat next to extremely challenging, disruptive pupils (many of whom she liked by the way). She is a very patient, caring girl and she was more than willing to help but it got beyond a joke. She spent many evenings crying because she couldn’t persuade whoever it was to stop misbehaving.

I ended up talking to the school and they moved her in some lessons. I am a teacher myself and I never put challenging pupils next to the same child for weeks on end. It’s absolutely not fair.

[Babyblade]

My DD's school do this - she's permanently seated next to one of the disruptive boys. They get moved around every half term to "share the love". She's currently year 6.

On one hand, she has learnt how to handle people she doesn't like, but she has found it VERY challenging at times. I've spoken to the teacher and asked her to be moved on a couple of occasions, but on the most part we accept it's just part of school life.

If it's effecting your DS to the extent that he no longer wants to go to school, YANBU to speak to the teacher. You need to support your DS in this, however YABU if you only want him sat next to the less disruptive children.

One point I made with our teachers is that in real life you would be able to move yourself away from someone disruptive. You would rarely be expected to remain in such close proximity for so long. We have to teach our children to handle all sorts of characters, but we can't expect a Yr 2 child to have all those skill yet.

[allthgoodusernamesaretaken]

be fully supportive of the mixed seating system but insist that this is combined with a firmly enforced zero-tolerance policy on bullying, along with some pshe lessons covering how to draw the line between normal friendly banter and gentle teasing which is OK, and actually being mean which is not

I think this is good advice.

[HappyPsychopath]

Just out of interest what do you propose the teacher do instead?

Do you want all the 'naughty' children rounded up and sat in one corner?

Well, yes, why not? On what planet is it a well behaved, hard-working, quiet child’s responsibility to improve the behaviour of a child who is rude, loud, disruptive and who has no desire to learn anything?

Putting the trouble makers together where they can’t ruin it for everyone else seems like a good idea to me.

Complain to the teacher OP, and get your dd moved.

[crunchymint]

You do know it is not up to parents to tell teachers how to manage disruptive kids? Parents rightly should care about their child, not other children.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Putting the trouble makers together where they can’t ruin it for everyone else seems like a good idea to me

I do wonder if perhaps it was them having their stuff nicked or being squished on ends of tables or being blocked from seeing the board by someone who was worse than they were, whether they'd still find it so hilarious

[WalkingEverywhere]

This repeatedly happened to my kids. We (them and I) had no problem with everyone taking turns but it was all the bloody time. The teachers happily admitted they were doing it deliberately and seemed to think we should be taking it as a compliment. It wasn't just one teacher it was several teachers, It used to deeply annoy my kids.
I think it's lazy teaching. If a teacher can't manage a disruptive kid why the flip should my kids have to.
Why should my kids have to put up with sitting next to disruptive kids.

I've no problem with everyone taking turns as I understand that some kids can't help being disruptive due to SEN

[Damnthatonestaken]

Also workplaces have bullying policies too.

[crunchymint]

Lets face it, any decent workplace sacks people for behaving like this. Kids do not need to learn how to work while being constantly disrupted and bullied.

[mummyretired]

YANBU, this happened to me in the first year of juniors. I was a bookish child and quiet because I found it difficult to make friends; this was not helped by having the member of class with whom I had least in common as my deskmate.

[RubyRoseViolet]

Neither is it up to other pupils to manage the behaviour of disruptive classmates!

[SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace]

Parents rightly should care about their child, not other children

I think that's why they don't appreciate the child they care about being used to calm down another child who is constantly disrupting them, though.

[Rufustherenegadereindeer1]

This hapoened to ds1 in junior school but it didnt seem to have an effect

But even the naughty children were 'nice'

It didnt work for him in year 10 of senior school when he was put in a class virtually full of easily led and/or badly behaved children

He found that incredibly stressful and was unfortunately in that class for nearly a school year

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

One of the main issues I have with this system is that many hard working children are not socially confident and putting them in a position where they're expected to regulate their peers (and let's be honest the boisterous, high energy kids tend to be more popular) can lead to them being seen as a goody two shoes and a swot and being bullied for it.