To not want to call MIL Mum?

[sunshinelolipops]

My MIL wants me to call her Mum and gets upset if I call her by her first name. I talked to Dh about it and he doesn't get the problem and thinks this is a normal thing to do. He is very defensive of his Mum.
I don't feel close to MIL and it feels awkward and weird to call her Mum. I am very close to my actual Mum. At the same time I don't want to upset her and have been humouring it but don't know how long I can keep it up for. I am also worried it might offend my actual mum if she heard me call her this.
My mum doesn't expect Dh to call her Mum, just by first name. I had never even heard of calling MILs Mum before.
Is this normal? What should I do?

I couldn't do it. I like my MiL fine, but she isn't my mum. So I've got away with a mixture of not calling her anything, or copying the DC and calling her Grandma. DH uses my mother's first name.

Don’t be ridiculous mother

DM calls her MIL mum. DF calls his MIL by her name. Apparently he called her mum once, but the death stare he got made him never do it again...

I try to avoid calling my MIL anything, but after 10 years and a baby have recently found myself using her first name without feeling too awkward.

It's a funny old thing... (names, not my MIL )

I call my mil "mum". Don't know if it makes a difference but I've been with dh since I was 19 so before I was a proper grown up. Now I'm in my 30's I think it would feel weird to meet in-laws at my age and call them mum and dad.

My sister does it. She has done it since they got married 28 years ago. Not sure how it started though. They like each other very much with her mother in-law.
I wouldn't like my Dd to call someone else Mum.
I'm from a different country but still it's not the norm to call the in-laws Mum and Dad.

I wouldn’t call MiL mum, but I’d quite like to call her by the nickname that FiL uses for her (just an abbreviation of her name, not a pet name or anything), because I only ever hear her called that or mum or grandma, so it feels weirdly formal using her full name. But I don’t think anyone else uses it, her friends etc, so it might be a bit weird if I started using it.

Nope. Having said that my mum called my granny Mrs Glitter from when she met her until she died so for about 35 years!! Was never told to call her by her first name!!

My mil tried. Once. She is her own name or Nana to me.

No chance, but the done thing where I'm from in the Southern hemisphere

I personally call my MIL and FIL Mum and Dad - been with my husband 9 years. I do it because they are basically the closest thing to a Mum and Dad to me. My dad hasn’t been in my life since I was 5, and wants nothing to do with me. My mum, we don’t talk - she hasn’t been a Mum to me for 21 years.

My MIL is not my mum so I wouldn't call her that, it'd feel incredibly odd to.

Haven’t RTFT, just wanted to shout OH YAAASSS!!!!!!

My MIL has tried to bring this up with me a few times. The answers have always been:

Because you’re not my Mum.
My Mum’s dead and was my only Mum.

In my MIL’s case it’s to try and exert control. Fuck that weird shit.

Surely it's your decision and what you are comfortable with?

I call/ed my MIL and exMIL always by their first name. However, if I'm talking to dp, exdp, sis-inlaws and bro-in-laws I will just say mum. For example 'mum phoned last night', 'will you ask mum' and I'd never thought about it until this thread- I don't told know why i do it like this

If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

I only called my PIL Mum and Dad some years after my own parents had died, up until then it seemed wrong somehow. I didn't call them by their names either as no body else did!
My DIL calls me by my name or "Grandma (name)" Ds 3's partner calls me a mixture of Mum and my name, however she never calls me Mum in front of her own mother.
Its a very personal thing and its what you feel comfortable doing.

DH's family do this, I'd never come across it before that and find it incredibly weird!!! No way am I ever going to call MiL Mum, DH is not my brother.

It was quite normal when i was younger. I often called my friends grandmothers Nan. My parents called both their MILs Mum. It doesn't seem a thing anymore tho and i wouldn't do it. Mainly because i have had a strained relationship with both my MILs.

I would state clearly i wasn't comfortable and wouldn't do it, then not engage in the discussion again.

My husband started calling my mum mum as soon as we got engaged - and he wanted me to do that too for his mum. But I didn’t feel close to her enough to do this - so I haven’t. Stick to your guns if you don’t want to - tell her you feel uncomfortable but if that changes you’ll start calling her mum then. I think it’s odd she is insisting you do! Bit controlling!

My DH calls my parents mum and dad. It is done as recognition of the way they treat us both equally now that we are married and feels right. My mum would never of asked him to though.

I would never call my mil “mum” but then she doesn’t even deserve that title off her own son so.....

My MIL also suggested that I call her mum, I am close to her but no I would never be able to call her mum, if just doesn’t seem right.

My mother was horrified and chose to be deeply offended when DH didn't call her Mum. When I mentioned it to DH he pointed out that as his own DM had died when he was a baby he'd never known a Mum, and would certainly not suddenly starting to call someone he barely knows Mum! We live on a different continent to her so very seldom see her - and DH's solution was simply to never refer to her as anything at all

As DH doesn't have a mother I never had to have any such conversations about my MIL... but I wouldn't have wanted to call her that unless I felt exceptionally close to her.

In previous generations, it would have been regarded as over familiar / presumptuous to call an older adult by their first name. When I was a child, all of my parents' generation were described as "Cousin ...." or "Aunty ........", which sounds a bit Jane Austen !

I have 2 sets of SILs who call my parents by first name, which has always been fine. I am very close to one SIL in particular. My BIL calls my mum & dad, mum & dad. My sister does the same with his parents. I think it's weird my BIL calling my dad 'dad' when he doesn't see him very often, and is in no way a father to him.

It must be a generation thing then as there are no culture differences! But she is only mid 60s so hardly ancient.
Oh no I hadn't even thought about the brother sister thing! Ahh that's just made it a million times more weird and creepy for me.
I hate calling her Mum and won't anymore. As one poster suggested I could call her mother and see how that goes down....

I think what annoys me most is my Dh wants me to call her Mum and won't defend my point of view, he just jumps to her defence. She is one of those very needy people who flaps and makes a massive fuss about everything. Seriously she would flap about fussing and then flap and fuss again. Me and Dh are the complete opposite, she even drives him nuts most of the time. Oh heaven help me.