To Ask You Your Ways of Coping with Stress

[AnaViaSalamanca]

So it's official - I am very stressed and it is affecting my health (not going into details, but the doctors have told me to seriously reduce the stress). Job is kind of stressful, but I cannot quit it or change it. I have done a bit of counselling and CBT, but to no avail. They keep saying reduce your stress, but nobody tells me how.

How does everyone do it?

Its not clear what it is that is making you stressed

I’m off work with stress - I’m finding yoga helpful. Adrienne on you tube is doing a free January 30 day yoga journey, which is a session of 20-30mins each day designed to be done at home and suitable for absolutely beginners. It can be started at any time. I’ve found the routine of setting aside time each day for me to be helpful.

exercise is the only thing I've found that worked for me. Do you exercise much? I notice a huge difference when I'm able to keep it up consistently.

It's not clear to me either. On the surface everything should be fine. But I have nightmares every night (random dreams, unrelated to anything in my life) wake up repeatedly through the night, have eye twitches etc. Not really sure what to do.

I enjoy hot baths but I know that is not for everyone. Do you get much sunlight and outside air or do you do a job inside all day?

Beta blockers can help with racing heartrate, sweating, head-going-to-explode type stress headaches.

A glass of wine also helps me feel better but I am wary of this as a go to fix as don't want to become reliant.

Spending time with people you like is also really important, do you get to do much of that?

There is an app called Headspace with little meditations/tasks you listen to have you tried something like that?

notthegumdropbuttons used to, but injured by back so I have to just walk. Might try a daily walk.

Another advocate for exercise here 👋🏿. I go to a boxing class and I blooming love it. I never sleep better after a class which also reduces my stress levels.
Hope you’re able to find something that works for you OP

Exercise
Being very organised and disciplined about work
Arranging things that are enjoyable, so I have something to look forward to
Eating well (no rubbish)
Trying to get enough sleep
Keeping my sense of humor (difficult sometimes)

I go for a walk with ddog. I’m not at all fit so it’s more of a dander but we go on all sorts of “adventures” round the local area . It’s my main stress reliever, just walking looking at trees squirrels just whatever comes our way. I take my phone in case of emergency but rarely take calls when we are out. It’s just time away from everything a wee hour of peace. Try it! Even when it’s pouring down!

Swimming? Not only good exercise, which should reduce stress levels, but also quite relaxing in itself. You can't really worry about other stuff so much when you're swimming. And maybe try listening to a meditation or relaxation track before you go to sleep.

Also, you say you can't change your job but could your doctor sign you off work for a short while? Just so you can 'regroup' a bit and rest and maybe implement some changes at home that will help you keep stress levels down when you return?

Hope you find something that suits you, OP. It does feel laughable when people tell you to 'just not be stressed'. I'd try and make small changes using some of the ideas here and see if they add up to a bigger change.

Lots of things here and lots to try. Recently my sonn said something which is working for many things for me at the moment. "I choose...". So when I am feeling bored, I say, I choose not to be bored..and do something. He has lost a lot of weight and uses this to help..I choose not to eat those crisps etc. There is a book called how to stop worrying and start living by dale canegie..probably cheap on amazon?? good luck

You need to figure out what restores YOU because we're all different, then actually prioritize it. Stop buying into the "great wife, great mother, superhuman employee" myth that none of us could ever live up to. Accept it's not a failing, it's just not possible.

Some ideas for inspiration though:

Walks
Other exercise that doesn't feel like a chore (personal pref e.g. swimming, gym class, whatever)
Mindfulness, use an app as a beginner
Cutting back on work hours (book a day off for you time, flexi work request, ask to move onto a project with more schedule autonomy)
Ensure family pulls weight (partner and kids all)
Stop socialing with negative, draining people
Don't try to meet everyone's expectations if you've not committed to them
Clear out clutter
Rearrange your life/habitat to something that soothes the mind (get rid of that scratchy jumper, throw out that table lamp that doesn't work)
Learn a new skill (fix the table lamp ;)
Reduce friction in your life (stop making different meals for family at dinnertime, reduce decision making so you have less decisions to make e.g. Mondays are tuna bake night)

In short, figure out what calms you and DO IT as a priority, let other stuff slip (yes, housework too, that's the easiest bit to slack on if you permit yourself)

Constantly remind myself that this is a symptom and not real life - ie I'm worrying about this, but it's only a symptom, it doesn't mean that there is anything to worry about. It's also a sort of quasi-mindfulness technique of just observing myself rather than allowing myself to get lost inside it.

Exercise will also make you physically tired so may give deeper sleep and help with the nightmares.

I'd possibly try a different counsellor - telling someone to be less stressed is a nonsense. A good counsellor should be able to help you explore what's causing the stress and why, e.g. and to look together at changes you'd like to make that might reduce your stress levels.

I think its personal to the individual. Find something that you can get absorbed in. What type of thing do you enjoy doing?

I walk to de stress. We live somewhere fairly rural so I just go off into the woods for a few hours and that usually calms me down. The issue is getting the time to do that!!
I find it really relaxes me to not be around any people but only nature for a while. The physical exertion is also calming.

Sometimes just being really nice to yourself, like doing something special just for yourself can relax you.
I have baths with candles and my fave music playing and a glass of wine. Then even though its only me doing it for myself, it still feels like I am cared about and looked after.

Good luck. I have just today told my boss and HR that I am suffering from stress-related depression. I have no idea how this will go. I have a very good career. No idea what I've done, but something had ta change.

For me, walking is helpful. Also I found a good therapist/coach. Having my feelings validated by someone externally was very calming. Somehow different from friends.

Good luck! You are not alone.

Drugs

Thanks all. Your suggestions have been really helpful.

I think I have a few pointers now to start with. I can see that do feel guilty when I don't do anything useful (as absurd as it sounds), so I have to learn to relax I guess.

I second swimming but also take a long look at your life and see where the stress is. It's generally either home, work or something unresolved from early life. Good luck OP take time for yourself

AnaVia the next time you feel guilty - reframe it in your mind. You NEED to take care of yourself so that you can be productive.

It's the underpinning of a balanced, productive person.

Without taking care of your needs as a priority, your productivity will crumble (eventually), no doubt about it. That's why people have breakdowns, burnouts, get meds, have anger problems - the modern plague!

Take time for yourself, baths with candles, I am going to bed earlier and reading for an hour, less screen time.
Colouring in if you like it? A puzzle?
Regular meeting with a friend for a cuppa.
2 apps recommended to me were headspace and smiling mind.

The Calm app is brilliant (much better than Headspace imo) and has sleep stories as well as a daily meditation. I also second exercise - especially walking - and if you have anxiety symptoms, beta blockers really help.

You're not menopausal by any chance, are you? I ask because I was always able to contain the stress in my life until I was menopausal, but at that point my anxiety levels just rocketed horribly, I was getting what felt like adrenalin rushes at odd times, etc etc.

I went to my occupational health team and my GP and started addressing it. All calmed down again now - I still get moments when I feel "stressed", but not the horrible mega physical symptoms like before.

Nowadays I consciously do deep breathing when I leave work, I cycle and walk a lot, and I have a hobby which demands concentration so that also helps.

Good luck OP!

Running, doing a long fast walk or HIIT class daily.
Glass of wine in the evening.
Writing lists of things I need to do but also things that are stressing me out.
List of what you have achieved each day, however small.
Eating healthy food whenever possible- lots of veg, fruit, whole foods, natural yoghurt etc.
Taking St Johns Wort daily and a b vitamin tablet.
Reducing screen time or phone time if possible.
Fast walk for 20 mins if you get a lunch break.
It takes a while to get back on top of things.
Hope you feel better.