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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

996 replies

Fruem · 16/01/2018 20:31

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

OP posts:
Alittleconcerned1980 · 18/01/2018 17:07

Pass
A sahm with school age kids

6.30-8.30 working
8.30-3 - doing whatever but likely housework laundry home admin
3-8pm working

Pagwatch · 18/01/2018 17:07

PassTheStarMix

The vast majority of people I know who are still at home while their children are of school age, like me, have children with a disability.

I am pretty privileged but most women who have acted as careers to disabled children end up unable to return to work.
So unemployed and privileged are both fairly judgemental really.

Pagwatch · 18/01/2018 17:08

*carers

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:09

Alittleconcerned1980 I’m jealous, when mine are in school I’ll have to do my housework on evenings and weekends. You have a lovely lifestyle.

Alittleconcerned1980 · 18/01/2018 17:09

PasstheStarmix

Oh I’m not complaining. It is bloody lovely

g1itterati · 18/01/2018 17:10

The only reason I don't class myself as unemployed is that I have never claimed unemployment benefit and I'm not actually seeking employment. To be honest, I don't really class myself as anything.

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:10

Pagwatch Carers is a completely different ballgame and I have nothing but admiration.

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:11

g1itterati I totally get that. I guess unemployed was the wrong word. Sorry.

Sallystyle · 18/01/2018 17:11

I haven't rtft

When I was a SAHM to school aged children I read a lot of books, took naps, went out for lunch, saw family or friends, or just played on the internet. Housework didn't take a great deal of time up even with five children.

I lead the life of luxury but didn't quite realise it at the time.

Alittleconcerned1980 · 18/01/2018 17:12

PasstheStarmix

The government don’t regard us as unemployed. So you’re rather out on a limb there Pass.

g1itterati · 18/01/2018 17:12

No problem Starmix. It's just I never thought of it like that.

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:13

U2HasTheEdge Yes that’s what I was meaning when I said privledged. I just know people who go to work full time and still have everything else to do on top of it so
not to have that job would free up some time for sure

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:14

Yes I used the wrong term Alittleconcerned1980 sorry.

ladystarkers · 18/01/2018 17:17

Nap alot

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:18

I just always likened SAHP to people that stay at home to look after their kids. It’s a job in itself but once theyre in school I got abit confused by the term but I guess they are still parents that stay at home just the kids are at school.

speakout · 18/01/2018 17:18

pagwatch- yes that's unfortunately true.

I was "unemployed" while my kids were both at school.
I didn't claim benefits, I wasn't looking for work. No family help, OH worked long hours, often staying away- not that he had a high powered job, but was a specialist engineering position, covering a wide geographical area, often a 4 or 5 hour drive away- and if a job took a few days then it was not possible for him to come home.

My DS suffered ill health throughout his primary years, including surgery, and as a result his school attendance was poor often below 80%. This, combined with another child who had normal health- throw in the holidays, in service days etc. it simply was impractical for me to work.

So I guess I was unemployed.
Didn't feel that way.

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:21

That sounds incredibly tough speakout. Having a poorly child would make things much harder and no you certainty didn’t have the time of somebody with a well child whose at school. I bet you wanted to go to work outside of the home for a rest.

speakout · 18/01/2018 17:22

I didn't much feel privledged either.

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:25

I think that’s completely different than say somebody who chooses to stay at home while their dc are at school because they’re wealthy. DH’s sister is this person and she has a cleaner too! That’s the kind of privileged I’m talking about.

speakout · 18/01/2018 17:26

PasstheStarmix thanks.

As it happens I whipped myself into finding ways of making money while at home.
Ds's health did recover, but by the time they were at secondary I was making enough from my home industries that I didn't need to get back to work.
My youngest will be off to University soon and my home business is booming.
Even earning more than OH, which is rather satisfying.
So something good did come from that frustration.

PasstheStarmix · 18/01/2018 17:30

Working from home sounds extremely satisfying and haha I bet your dh is so proud of you. You’ve done amazing speakout. 🙌🏼

Pagwatch · 18/01/2018 17:35

Speakout

Yes, me too.
I gave up work when DS2 got his diagnosis and after years of looking after him it was totally impossible to go back to work in the industry I had left.
Once you've had to be a carer for 10 years there is no way back into the jobs market, especially if your near-adult child is still dependent upon you outside hours that are the same as school.
Then of course you could get a job and a few years later your child is now adult and back at home.

CeeCeeMacFay · 18/01/2018 17:35

I work from home but the hours are very variable so often have free time in the day. I do housework, laundry, food shopping, go the gym every day and sometimes swim as well.

Sallystyle · 18/01/2018 17:41

My life of luxury comment was quite glib really.

I have an unwell husband and had a child with SN whose needs were more higher in those days. It was a luxury to be able to go out for lunch, read lots, sleep when I was tired etc but I don't want to make out life in general was easy because it wasn't. The hours they were at school were pretty good though.

g1itterati · 18/01/2018 17:43

I do know I'm really privileged in that none of my DC have disabilities. I think what tends to happen though, is that people just fill their time, whatever they do. So having more time just means you take more on. Also, people get used to you being available (I include DH in this, not just the kids), so they come to expect more than they might do if you were not so available. It becomes self- perpetuating really. From where I am, I can't imagine how I'd manage our 4 DC if I was working. I've never had any help with them and I wouldn't even know how to ask.