SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

SAHMs do the same work in the day that mothers who work have to come home and do on top

What’s your point? Are we only valued by the work we do?
I’m a SAHM to 2 pre schoolers, so what I do in the day that people who work full time don’t do is physically look after my children.

I'm feeling weirdly insulted on dh's behalf at the whole 'corporate monkey' thing. He is working hard to support his family. And paying a fuck ton of tax which helps pay for those brilliant surgeons etc .

Agreed IWannaSeeHowItEnds. My ‘corporate monkey’ DH pays around 60k a year in tax.

But if I had to advise dd on what to do, I'd say cling onto your job, despite the lack of financial reward because you never know how things will pan out - divorce rates are high and some people turn into utter shits during a separation.

^
This

My corporate monkey DH also pays for private healthcare for his family so that we use less NHS resources.

This. Doing nothing is my absolute favourite activity

Whilst DC were at home I spent my days doing minimal cooking/cleaning and mostly spent time having fun with the DC.
Once they were in school full time I:

Started running and managed to complete the London Marathon within a year and still run.

Spent lots of time meeting mummy friends for breakfast lunch brunch, whatever the hell I fancy.

Travel ALONE into central London to meet working friends for lunch

Or even better I meet DH for lunch at restaurants where I wouldn't go with DC and we don't have to worry about babysitters

Help in laws who are getting on a bit with repairs around their house and medical appointments

Have de-cluttered my kids' bedrooms so they have a clear stress free environment to do their work in

Spend a lot of fricking time researching high school admission policies and 11+ prepping

Have lots of uninterrupted sex with DH when he works from home :)

Because you think being a corporate monkey is impressive. I don’t, that’s all

Loads of SAHMs can't afford to go to work

I more or less break even after tax, childcare and travel costs and I earn well above average

Yes that's true.

If you're a high earner then you can pay for childcare and outsource some of the domestic work.

If, as a woman, you are a low earner then often the only way you can afford to work is if you have free childcare provided by family, usually grandparents.

If you are a low earning woman with no family support, then often it's not worth going to work financially.

I love being SAHM. I loved working but would not give up the time with my DC for it. I do the school run every day, belong to every effing PTA, attend every play, meeting, opening of every frigging door at their schools.
I think being a SAHM is harder than working so I truly truly admire all my working mum friends and tell them all the time. I really don't know how you all do it.

I have three pre-nursery child so do pretty much what a childminder would do. Friends at home with School age children all do quite significant voluntary work that really benefits the community.

^children

Cherry - I must admit none of the women I know who became long-term SAHMs were brilliant brain surgeons, but all of them had reasonably well-paid post-grad or professional jobs. Nobody forced them to stay home. In my case, I used to mainly deal with families in crises. Once I had my own DC, I thought I'd better focus on them!

If DH and I had been on a similar earnings trajectory from the outset, maybe I would have returned to work at some point and we would be more aligned with the "50/50 model" that you seem to think is the ideal. But that just wasn't the case for us, so we did what made practical sense in the circumstances.

I think possibly people gravitate towards partners / husbands / wives that will facilitate the kind of family set-up you envisage. So if you know (even unconsciously) that you would find it highly stressful if you couldn't be around for your children day to day, then you're more likely to look for a husband who will facilitate that. If you're a very career-driven man but you want DC, you're more likely to end up with a wife whose instinct is to be a SAHM. Not necessarily, of course, but it's each to their own and as long as everyone is happy, I can't see any issue.

SAHMs do the same work in the day that mothers who work have to come home and do on top.

If the house is empty you can't possibly have the same mess. The toilet isn't being used, no one is pulling out stuff, lunch isn't being prepared & for some nursery kids even breakfast & dinner isn't prepared at home. I go out all day & my house is in the same tidy condition I left it. Not much mess is made in 1.5 hours before bed. Also I don't know any working couple that doesn't have a cleaner.

I don’t think it’s impressive. I think it’s a job that pays our bills.

Cherry, I think working to give your family a good life and paying tax to help fund society, is impressive - it doesn't actually matter to me what the job is.
You do realise that society needs 'corporate monkeys' because they help create employment and contribute to the ticking over of the economy?

Let’s face it, most people don’t work saving lives.

Iwanna I work for a corporate. I’m not talking about people who work for companies (surely most of the population) I’m talking about the men, frequently described on here, who are enabled in their “high flying” career by women who take care of family life whilst they insist they have no choice but to work 12 hours a day.

In fact cherry you’re really fucking patronising. Do you think us SAHM’s with corporate husbands sit at home worshipping the ground they walk on because they happen to have a corporate job? Or do you think most of us are just pleased we have the opportunity to spend time with our children while our husbands earn enough to look after their family, while contributing to society in the form of taxation?

Depends. Are you one of the posters saying I enable my husband to have a brilliant career for which he needs to work 12 hours a day and never see his kids? If so than probably. I don’t think many people would enjoy that life man or woman.

Paying taxation is neither here nor there- there is still one only person in the couple paying it.

But does it matter Cherry? If their families are happy, the kids are looked after and loved, so what if one parent does the physical care and the other does the financial care.
I think people have every right to structure their family life as they see fit without someone else saying they are wrong and only a 50/50 split is acceptable.

I think what needs to change more thsn anything else is what happens if there is a divorce. Imo the money should continue to be split and the wohp should not he allowed to leave the sahp financially disadvantaged. That would do more for women than insisting we all work ft and split childcare equally, when we all know our society isn't set up to support that in lots of cases.

Cherry - working 12 hours a day is fairly standard hours tbh, whether it's facilitated or not.

No I’m not ‘one of those women’. How many of ‘those women’ do you know, incidentally? I’ve never met any.
DH works from home in his ‘corporate monkey’ job. When not working he does 50% of all childcare. He does 100% of our cooking. He baths his children and puts his children to bed every single night. Irrelevant really though, how we share jobs is our choice.
I think there are very very few women in the exact circumstances you describe.