SAHM/Homemakers - What do you do all day?

[Fruem]

Those who choose to be a SAHM/homemaker, who don’t ‘have’ to work, what do you do all day?!

I’m talking the SAHM’s who don’t work from home. Who don’t have to look after the kids all day etc.

If you’ve done cleaning/washing/shopping etc. How do you fill your day?

Well that’s your assumption. I think the world is missing out from my friends minds not being used in the way they are most valuable. It’s nothing to do with mirroring careers- you’re just trying to put words in my mouth

I think for us it was just a very realistic, practical decision. I earned 1/6th of what dh earned, I didn't enjoy my job much - so at the time I didn't feel like I was giving much up. I had twins - my salary would barely cover nurse fees for one child never mind two! Yes, I end up facilitating dh's career but that wasn't the initial intention.
Dh and I have a very strong marriage, despite him working long hours and being very career focused he's a decent person and a good Dad. But if I had to advise dd on what to do, I'd say cling onto your job, despite the lack of financial reward because you never know how things will pan out - divorce rates are high and some people turn into utter shits during a separation.

I'm a SAHM with 3 young children, two of whom are in reception and one who is in part time nursery in the mornings. I feel like I never have enough time... I keep waiting to have as much time as I thought I'd have all those years ago when I quit work to be a mum. School run to two different locations twice a day takes up a chunk of time. We don't have a cleaner, so I spend quite a lot of time cleaning/maintaining the house (no small task, 5 bedrooms over 4 floors), doing laundry, food shopping, schlepping the children to and from lessons and playdates, cooking, volunteering, hosting events, etc. At the moment we're also building a house, so I'm often meeting suppliers or contractors about what's being done or on site with engineers to discuss changes or troubleshoot issues. I have every morning free but sometimes don't get to properly sit down until 1 or 2 pm.

I keep telling myself it will get less busy and i might actually get to live up to the stereotype of a SAHM and do things like yoga and mid-day mani/pedis as the kids get older.

No they do think that. They just accept that it’s the way it is.

I know them after all, not you.

Well, the OP has done what she set out to here hasn’t she?

I’m currently a SAHM because I want to be. When we had children, we both earned the same (fairly high) salary. We talked about what we’d do after maternity leave, and I said I’d like to stay at home with the children because, well, I just wanted to. I wanted to be there for their early years. DH said that in that case that’s what we’d do.
My DC are now 4 and 2. When they’re both at school, I’ll go back to work. I might not earn as much as I would have done without the career break, but as I don’t define my worth by how much money I earn, I’m fine with that.

I used to do a lot of volunteer work, baking, cooking, housework, etc, but atm I can barely be bothered to get up, so I spend all day cuddling my dogs and drinking tea (if I can be motivated to make it). Late afternoon, I usually force myself to make dinner for my oh, but I struggle to find the energy to do much more. Tbh, I can't really see the point of much atm.

You sound bitter and jealous OP from your opening post . I am self employed and work when i choose to. There is plenty to do believe me but i won't list the things as it might upset you as some of the things are FAB 😁

Washing
Housework
Paperwork
Surf the net
Call a (retired) friend
Gymn
Grocery shopping
online shopping
nap
lunch with friends
Coffee with friends
Have a nap
Plan / book holidays

Frankly if you don’t have to work for the money, you’re winning and you have the freedom to do whatever the hell you want.

I’m now seriously thinking of retiring early, before 50.

Garden

Walk the dog

Yoga

Meet friends for hikes / lunch / coffee

I have some chronic health issues as well so have alternative health treatments for that (massage, acupuncture etc)

Cook and bake

I've also got a big house to look after which takes a good number of hours each day.

Why do you ask Fruem? Are you a SAHM are thinking of becoming one?

Cherry, I don't think anyone sets out to deliberately facilitate their dh's career at the expense of their own. Women often sah because they want to. Or because childcare eats up more than they earn.
The facilitating of dh's career is just a side effect of sah.

I think it is sad that you believe the best use of your friends abilities is in the workplace, rather than where they want to be.
I know that I was never going to earn what dh was capable of earning, or at least not without putting in way more effort than I could be bothered doing. Work was a means to an end for me, even though I quite liked my job. I won't pretend I never miss work (the money was nice and it came with social value which was also lovely), but on balance I prefer being a sahm (life is just easier and less stressed).
I think I have used my abilities in the best way possible - my dc have had the best of me, rather than knackered, overworked me.
Kudos to those women out there managing to do it all, but honestly I cba. I like a cuppa and being able to watch 'the wright stuff' if I fancy kevin o sullivan it. Not so keen on dealing with stroppy year 9's! To be serious though, I've had time and energy to teach my own kids, to do all their appts and school extras without having to balance work. For me, it's nice and to return to the OP, I've never needed the structure of a job in order to manage my life without getting bored.

I'm a SAHM but my DD is 2 and not in nursery yet so I don't get to "do as I please" as much as I'd like, because there is always a small person ripping my magazine out of my hands, knocking my coffee onto me or trying to get in the bath with me making a mess and soaking the whole room. As I type this she is trying to climb on top of my head and rip my glasses off... 🤨😑🙄

I spend most of my day pottering around the house, I take my time with the cleaning and chores, go to the supermarket or walk into town but not very often, prepare dinner, maybe go to the park or a little walk with DD, supervise DD playing and generally clean up after her. When she's in nursery/school I'll be making time to do things I like to do on my own, like reading, sleeping, get into a TV series, nice bath, little nap...cannot wait 😁

But you’re talking about your abilities Iwannasee which I make no judgement on, as I don’t know you at all.

But imagine you were a brilliant surgeon, or a brilliant scientist, or a brilliant headteacher or MP. Surely you can see how sad it is to have those women give it up to use their abilities raising children, when the reality is those abilities could be saving and changing lives everywhere?

Especially when they’re doing it so they’re husband can be a middle management corporate monkey! It’s such a shame.

Now obviously that’s not anyone here. Obviously some women don’t want a career or can’t have one.

I’m specifically referring to the women who are at home to support their husbands “big careers” which remove their husbands responsibility for family life and puts it on them.

Surely you can see how sad it is to have those women give it up to use their abilities raising children

How is it sad, if that’s what they want to do? If that’s what makes them happy?
Plenty of people don’t fulfil their professional ‘potential’, for plenty of reasons. Of all the possible reasons, staying at home to look after their children, if that’s what they’ve chosen to do, is a pretty valid one.
I facilitate my DH’s career (as a corporate monkey, no less ), but that’s a side effect of me choosing to stay at home with my children.

What % of SAHM’s do you think are in the specific situation of having had a job where they saved/enhanced peoples lives and have chosen to give that up purely to support their partners career as a corporate monkey? Pretty niche subset of people I’d imagine.

No but they’re the ones I was referring to in your quoted post...

Cherry, presumably the brilliant surgeon who sah with her kids is doing so because she values being with her children, more than going out to work. I'd honestly be very surprised if she did it primarily to facilitate her husband's less socially important job, rather than him benefitting as a side effect.

If I was a surgeon, I'd have had to work really hard and the sort of people willing to put in that level of graft are unlikely to want to sah - their careers would be more important to them than mine was to me. I would imagine it's rare to be a sah former surgeon.

SAHMs do the same work in the day that mothers who work have to come home and do on top.

Ok, so let’s agree for that very very small minority of women (if any at all who are purely staying at home to facilitate their partners career), yes it’s very sad indeed.

My friends and I all have household incomes in 6 figures but 80% off the women with kids work pt.

@tired24insomniac1

Erm has it ever occurred to you that your wealth, more so than generation, has a huge part to play in it?

Loads of SAHMs can't afford to go to work.

I more or less break even after tax, childcare and travel costs and I earn well above average.