New to management role. My team hate me. Help

[Morningstarone]

Hello. Not an AIBU but posting here for traffic and collective mumsnet wisdom. I'm fairly new to a senior management role (successfully with company 9 years in non management role) and I'm quite sure my new team hate me. Some current examples: 2 team members have quit since xmas, took team to an painful team lunch today awful atmosphere with stilted conversation etc. Team are listless and apathetic. I know I'm part of the problem: I'm not a big personality, lack charisma, my goal setting up and follow up is not always consistent. On the plus side I'm loyal, a good trainer, dedicated, fair and I WANT my team to succeed. My manager told me today that if I don't stop staff turnover then I'm up for review. Help how can I motivate my team and get them to believe in me. I'm desperate and not used to failing me and my team. How can I be a better leader? Please help.

Have you actually talked to your team about this? If not, then really recommend you have some one on one conversations and try to get to the bottom of what’s going on. If you don’t know what’s broke then you haven’t got a hope in hell of trying to fix it.

No advice really but I have been in a similar position. I'm new to management after 9 years non management.
I'm still finding my feet.
Did you work with same team before or is it different people?

Self help books like One minute Manager and SUMO might help..

You need to get some 360 degree feedback. Set up exchange sessions over breakfast or lunch and talk to your employees together in a safe space where you don’t say anything or defend yourself, you simply listen and take feedback - ask for their inputs, suggestions, ideas. Then make this a regular occurance. Once a month is ideal.

Absolutely agree you need to talk to the team and understand what it is that is causing this. Until you know that it's almost impossible to fix it.

Give them an opportunity to give you anonymous feedback so they can be completely honest. This will at least tell you what they are unhappy about and you can either fix or address it

Btw I don’t mean open a conversation with ‘why don’t you like me’ but sit down and talk about how they think things are going in the team, what’s working well what could improve etc. And then work with them to sort it out. There is no one right way to be a manager and definitely don’t feel you have to try and be something you’re not.

Show them you can be trusted, have one on ones but also have a team meeting, do some ice breakers, get to know personalities and document the goals and issues that need fixing. Then follow through involving the team. I have great respect for managers who really get involved in change and push ideas through.

Who managed them before?

What did they do/not do that you're not doing/doing?

What do each of them respond to? What motivates them?

What goals and objectives do they have? Are they being stretched? Challenged? Respected? Listened to?

What have they been through as a team during the past 12 months?

Spend some time answering these questions and you might understand them a bit more. Good luck.

I agree with Slacker - the best people to answer this question are your team. Talk to them and really listen to what they tell you.

What problems do they have in their daily work? What support do they need from you as their manager to do their jobs more effectively? How do they feel about the dynamics within the team? What motivates them to get up in the morning? What would they change - about their jobs, about the team, about the workplace in general - if they had the chance to do so?

You won't be able to deliver on everything that is on their wishlist, but a manager who genuinely listens to what their staff think and tries to act on stuff where they can - that's worth quite a lot.

Is 360 degree feedback annoymous?

I absolutely agree with 360 peer feedback. Be humble, deal well with welfare issues. Have 1-2-1s with all staff. What do they want to achieve, what can you do to help. Make them cake! Good luck!

Teams often get a bit of churn when a new person takes over. Do you have team meetings? Could you have a session where people write their three wishes for the team going forward?
Do you offer 121 meetings to discuss wellbeing, performance, development etc? Use these to give people responsibilities, set goals and give people something to aim for.
I wouldn’t ask for 360 until you’ve been in post a little longer. They don’t need a big personality. They want a kind manager who listens and helps them do their job. Ask them what support they need/want but don’t become a total doormat. Set clear expectations that are reasonable then say well done and thank you when they’ve achieved- even the small stuff.

www.askamanager.org/ is incredibly useful. Some of it is a bit US-specific but the majority of it is stuff you can use. People write emails in to her and she answers in a very helpful and sensible way - I'm sure there's people who've had the same problem before.

Managing is hard; it sounds like you're having a rough time of it right now. What support is your manager giving you? Because just saying 'review if anyone else leaves' is shit. They should be supporting and coaching you as a new manager and giving you useful feedback, good and critical, that you can turn into actions.

You'll have to do the hard work, sure, but it's not on for your manager to be leaving it for you to guess at.

I shouldn't put too much into the folk who left. New Year = New Job for some. Get to know the team and their aspirations, don't micro-manage too much and you'll be fine.

You manage.
It sounds trite but it really is simple.
Clear direction
Realistic but slightly stretching expectations
You praise for a job well done
Correct calmly when mistakes are there
Be open about what you want to achieve as a team and ensure everyone knows what their role is in that.
You have their back but never pick up their slack.

What did the exit interviews say about the reason for leaving, you should be able to get these from HR. It could give you an insight into whats going on - failing that be brave and hold a team meeting and ask. You dont have to be a big personality but you do need to be seen. It's easier in an open plan office I find, I hated managing a team when i was expected to work in my own little office. I much prefer to be sat out with the team - not only do you get to hear snippets of conversation about thier family/dog/weekend plans- you know, "night X, hope your date goes well" etc (building connections) but it means youre much more able to hear how they handle difficult phone calls, demanding coworkers etc and support them if needed.

Good Luck! It does get easier

360 fb is never anonymous. It doesn’t need to be if the manager doesn’t speak unless spoken to / addressed, and just allows the team to air their feedback or discuss their hot topics.

Depends where you work & what your team do, but maybe you need a transition workshop.
Establish your goals, expectations of them, find out their expectations of you.
Follow up with 1-2-1s get to understand their individual motivations the pain points in their current roles, future plans etc.
Don't make wholesale changes unless they are easy wins and are suggested by the team. Bide your time....
Don't be precious about them hating you. Maybe they had someone in mind for the role or one of them applied for it and they are testing you. It's not a popularity contest and you need to earn their trust and respect. Change is difficult for people.

Good luck - I love some aspects of managing people but sometimes it's a thankless pita.

Talk to them, 1:1s chat about 'how things are going'. Also set up opportunity for anonymous feedback on you.

Are they a particular type of team? Where I work teams in my directorate are considered 'high performance'. In other words you can trust them to do the job, and do it well. They're all incredibly well qualified and experienced and are experts in their field. We now advertise for managers used to handling high performers, after a number of micro-managers came in, treated them like kids, and pissed everyone off. If you have this kind of team then look into particular management for high performers. It's completely different from top down 'traditional' management.

If I were your manager I'd be doing some skip meetings with your team to find out what's going on, and supporting, not threatening you.

Have you been offered any leadership training? Was there a handover from the previous manager?

I once turned over a team when I took them over but got to recruit some new people who were all great, loyal, worked well together and with me and went on to do really well in the organisation- it was no bad thing and needed doing.

Those who have already left would have already been thinking this way - don't think it's entirely you.

How many are there in the team? Are there any that seem more motivated and engaged? Talk to them and see what they say. It can be down to one person bringing everyone else down.

And be honest. This is a new role to you, tell people how your thinking. You’re a team, you’re not the queen, you don’t have to stand apart and know all the answers. If you don’t want to do it with everyone try it 1-2-1.

Best thing I ever did...ask the question “i’m new to this and feeling a bit overwhelmed. How am I doing?, what else can I do?”

Have you heard of the Team Cycle. It's broken down into 4 stages:

Forming
Storming
Norming
Performing

Stage 1: Forming - this is where a significant change takes place to alter the structure or workings of the team. That's you, taking over.
Stage 2: Storming - this is where you are now. Issues arise, people may leave, not a useful or productive time
Stage 3: Norming - things start to settle. People get used to the new way of working
Performing - team settles, and becomes productive

What you need to do is figure out how to move from stage 2 to 3 and then on to 4. This will depend on you, how you manage and our team.

Any big change can restart this cycle. It's not foolproof but it's worth bearing in mind.

Best thing I ever did...ask the question “i’m new to this and feeling a bit overwhelmed. How am I doing?, what else can I do?

You need to be careful with this tactic. It can work brilliantly, but can also be read as an admission of failure and inadequacy by the team - especially if they are predominantly male. I'm not sure it's a good idea for a new manger finding her feet. Better to ask for feedback on specific tasks or issues:

"How do you think Project X is going? Is there anything we have missed? Is there anything I can do to help the team?"

then extrapolate whatever they say to your management style as a whole.

I'd also be cautious about anonymous 360 degree feedback on you as a manager, for the same reasons. Again, ask for feedback on specifics, not you as a person.

I agree with the advice to ask your team in 1:1s.

But I think you also need to think about the bigger picture - what is the environment you’ve been pushed into? Was the team failing before? Has it been coasting? Was the previous person in your role a bit of a superstar? These are all difficult situations to take over from and can need a slightly different tone in trying to take over, and while you may well have a lot to improve, you may have been put into a bit of a no-win situation. For your own sanity and confidence it’s important to recognise that, if it’s the case.

Also, how long have you been in the role? People leaving just after you’ve started could well be very little to do with you. If there were people on the team who were hoping to get the role (however unrealistically) they may not have been salvageable. Again, being realistic about this doesn’t help your immediate results, but it can help you keep things in perspective and put together the best possible plan going forward. How good is your team - can you leverage the turnover into something good for the department?

Hmmm my manager has asked me for feedback on 360 and I cannot stand her and I think she knows that - could be awkward

Could you ask to go on a Management Development course?

There are loads of motivational theorists around and books / websites / articles available. Some are codswallop though, so be wary.

Stephen Covey 7 Habits is worth a look, as are the sites and books listed by PPs. Business Balls has lots of links (including Tuckman ' Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing') that you might find useful.

Good luck!