New to management role. My team hate me. Help

[Morningstarone]

Hello. Not an AIBU but posting here for traffic and collective mumsnet wisdom. I'm fairly new to a senior management role (successfully with company 9 years in non management role) and I'm quite sure my new team hate me. Some current examples: 2 team members have quit since xmas, took team to an painful team lunch today awful atmosphere with stilted conversation etc. Team are listless and apathetic. I know I'm part of the problem: I'm not a big personality, lack charisma, my goal setting up and follow up is not always consistent. On the plus side I'm loyal, a good trainer, dedicated, fair and I WANT my team to succeed. My manager told me today that if I don't stop staff turnover then I'm up for review. Help how can I motivate my team and get them to believe in me. I'm desperate and not used to failing me and my team. How can I be a better leader? Please help.

You can be a great manager as an introvert.

Introverts listen more and that’s probably the best quality a manger can have. Extroverts can sometimes be overbearing and have a natural desire to assert their thoughts when, often, managing is a case of enabling your team, not telling them what to do.

Ask them what you can do to help them achieve targets/goals. You will gain respect and support if you can either explain exactly why things are how they are, and that you understand their frustration, or, better still, remove the hurdles.

Never criticise, condemn or accuse your staff. No one appreciates that style of management.

If you need to handle disciplinary things, manage them through clear policy not by going after the person.

E.g. If you have to tackle absenteeism then tackle it calmly from the “this is the policy and this is where your performance has fallen below expectations” angle, not the “you’ve let me down!” angle.

You need to change your attitude. If you don't believe in yourself, you can expect your team to. You've just taken over from a much loved manager. These feelings re natural.
Really get to know your team. Make 121s not just about stays checks but invest time in understanding where they are in their career, what their aspirations are, look at training to help them achieve their personal goals. And be honest and open. Always. Encourage fed back that is both ways. Take feedback on positively and work with what you're given.

Lots of good advice above. 1:1s are a must. How often you do them is up to you and depends on what else is going on. I used to do 1:1s weekly, in a room. That way they each had my full attention and I theirs. Guess what? I heard, third hand, that one of the team interpreted this as meaning that I was "giving different people different messages". She preferred "full transparency" ie all info should be shared with everyone at the same time ....

I also did daily 15-minute team meetings, at which everyone had an equal chance to share what they were working on, ak for help, offer help, make suggestions, celebrate good stuff, raise issues, ask questions. I still did the 1:1s as well though!

Assuming your team has clear targets, what can work well is getting them together and list, as a team, 'what works well'; then what would be 'even better if' (these are the things that need to change). Give yourselves credit for the 'what works well' - you don't want to lose what works!
Now prioritise the 'even better ifs' by thinking what impact each would make.
Next draw 3 concentric circles. The inner one is for things the team can change, the middle one is for things the team can change with help from outwith the team, and the outer one is things that can't be changed (eg external deadlines).

Hopefully the key priorities are mainly things the team can change, or at least influence. What you need next is an action plan with owners and deadlines.

Put it all on display, so that you can hold yourselves accountable, as a team.

Review this periodically, say once a month or quarter.

You will learn a lot from the team's approach to this activity and the follow-up.

I would remember you are have 2 ears and one mouth and listen a lot . Don’t force anything but take a step and back and schedule some 1:1 sessions and design some decent questions to elicit their feedback

Were the people that left good performers ?

And try to not take it too personally

I have been in almost exactly your position. Long standing successful SME to manager - I'm also an introvert. Now 3 years in and managing a team of 14. No one's left for about 18 months (touch wood) so hopefully doing ok! It is very difficult to start with but it does get easier.

Two things stand out for me. Where is your manager in all this? A good manager, seeing a new manager struggling, will offer support rather than threatening them if the turn over doesn't improve. Are they supportive at all? Have you told them any of this? If you think they will help you, then be honest, or at least a censored version of honest. Of course they could be a total bastard who will hold it against you, but I guess you will know if this is the case.

Also, I'm not sure about having lots of meetings laying out your plans. People tend to hate a) lots of meetings and b) having other people's grand visions thrust upon them. If you want to make changes, and they might well be necessary, you need to involve the team and bring them along with you. Discuss things with them rather than telling them. You will still make the decision ultimately, but they will feel like you have listened to them and you might well learn something during the process.

Regular one to ones are really important.

Oh and I also wanted to say being an introvert is not a barrier to being a good manager! My boss is also an introvert and she's great.

My boss is also an introvert and she's great.

Mine's a socially awkward introvert, and I'd happily jump off a cliff for him!

I'm definitely an introvert and I'm told I'm a brilliant boss - I'm also told I'm crap at parties, though (and I'm afraid this may be true; mingling terrifies me!!!)

"I'm not a big personality, lack charisma, my goal setting up and follow up is not always consistent."

then you're not senior management material to be honest...

confused then you're not senior management material to be honest...

That's mean and not helpful. Senior managers are made not born. And the OP stating her perceived weaknesses tells us nothing but what she worries she's not good enough at, she could be fine at these things but suffering from imposter syndrome.

As lots of PPs have said being an introvert is not a barrier to being a good manager (I'm another whose best managers have been introverts). And it's possible to develop the skills to monitor other people's work. Managing is a skill that is learnt not something you are born with ( although it's worth reminding the OP that she must have had something in her that made her manager give her this job: you were the best candidate).