New to management role. My team hate me. Help

[Morningstarone]

Hello. Not an AIBU but posting here for traffic and collective mumsnet wisdom. I'm fairly new to a senior management role (successfully with company 9 years in non management role) and I'm quite sure my new team hate me. Some current examples: 2 team members have quit since xmas, took team to an painful team lunch today awful atmosphere with stilted conversation etc. Team are listless and apathetic. I know I'm part of the problem: I'm not a big personality, lack charisma, my goal setting up and follow up is not always consistent. On the plus side I'm loyal, a good trainer, dedicated, fair and I WANT my team to succeed. My manager told me today that if I don't stop staff turnover then I'm up for review. Help how can I motivate my team and get them to believe in me. I'm desperate and not used to failing me and my team. How can I be a better leader? Please help.

How many employees does your firm have?
I’d you've been successful for a long time at the same firm my guess is you are a subject matter expert which can be a hard to transition to management if training hasn’t been given.
So I would firstly ask your management for training.

Secondly, have you been promoted from the ranks? This is very hard to transition internally no matter how good you are. There is a lot of resentment normally. I always found it easier to manage a team at a new company- people are jealous of your success perhaps. But it’s not insurmountable.

I have learned over the years to have a plan for a team. Then invite them to have a consultative discussion, and help guide them to the outcome you’re hoping for. Or, alternatively they might come up with a different solution which works better than what you had envisioned. In which case, even better- you’ve empowered them and they’ve delivered.

You do need to work on goal setting and follow up, that’s crucial and it can be demotivating if people feel you’re setting targets that don’t matter.

Best of luck.

I think to go from managing no-one to managing a reasonable sized team is difficult, you've got to learn a whole new set of skills. You also need to manage up as well as down. Does your company do management training? Do you have money in the budget to access external training? Put together a plan for improvement and share with your manager for feedback/guidance from them. They are not managing you well giving an ultimatum like that.

As far as your team goes you should be having regular timetabled 1:1s with each of them to get a feel for how they are doing. Get them to talk about their work, where they see their career going, plus some chat about life generally. Treat them like adults not children, you'll get a better performance out of someone if you facilitate their work-life balance (say yes to a couple of hours off for school sports day/taking a parent to a critical hospital appointment). Praise a good performance but also give some direction to how they could improve their performance (this is something a lot of people find hard to do but employees appreciate honesty as long as you're not harsh).

You've identified things you think are problems, I wouldn't worry about being 'a charasmatic big personality', someone like that could be a nightmare to work for and you have to manage in a way that is true to yourself.

I do think realistic goal setting and follow through is important but give your team ownership of their milestones and check with the people who are responsible for delivery that you are setting realistic targets. But make sure you chase things and get people to explain in team meetings why milestones haven't been hit/ aren't going to be hit. Write them up on a board/slideshow and chase progress. You can do that without being unpleasant about it and if things are continually not being hit ask for solutions and work out the pinch points.

Oh, and don't worry about them hating you. If you are transparent about changing things for the better for everyone and treat them with respect they'll come to respect you in turn. Think about your best manager and what they did well and why you liked working for them, and try and emulate that.

First things first buy cakes.
Have a team meeting, tell them you are all in this together and you might not have all the answers but together, with this team we can work it out together.
Set up 1:1 with each member and get to know them. Tell them about yourself.
Have a few brain storming meeting with the team and draw up a plan for the future.
Building a team is like being in a marriage or relationship you need to work at it, show your vulnerable side, be truthful and let them know you have their back.
Good luck

You need to get to know them as individuals and build some trust.
I'm a new manager now of two years and I came new to the company to an extremely established team who loved their previous manager.

I took them out individually for coffee and cake fortnightly for the first year, team meetings etc were always celebrated with food

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I'm going to look at all the recomended websites/books over the weekend. Please keep the recomendations coming!

I intend to have lots of meetings where I outline my plan for the department. Yes to 121 meetings.
I hope if I apply myself I can do the nuts and bolts of the job well in terms of goal setting and communication. However deep down my fear is that I'm not cut out for management, I don't have enough leadership or charisma to create a positive environment. I'm an introvert, more of a background/details person, I don't like the spot light or giving meetings. Yet I want the challenge of a new role. Is this unfair to my team?
To answer some questions:
Yes I'm SME with a very strong rep.
I took over from much loved manager. However team slightly under performing hence my job.

I work closely with another department the manager there is adored, tolerant, energetic, loud turns a blind eye to bad practice, wildly praises the good stuff. Team love this manager. I feel my team want to transfer there. I can never be like this other manager, I am not that person. I want my team's trust and loyalty.Yes I know I need to stop comparing myself to this other manager. Anyone ever managed succesfully by an introvert? Can anyone tell me what qualities make a person a great leader? How can I bring energy to a team?

If the team are listless and apathetic, you need to find out what motivates them and do it! They don't need to like you, they do need to respect you.

I am an introvert, manage a team of 50. The 360 / exchange type fb sessions is why I’m preferred. I take time to understand my team, and am known to be honest and have their backs when needed. 1-2-1 sessions while useful to understand the needs and wants of individuals will not give you the understanding of team dynamics that you need to do the job - my guess is the team culture is toxic somehow, but you won’t know for sure until you observe it.

PP have given great advice re 1:1s (I personally dislike and therefore won't do 360, but that's a matter of personal style unless dictated by policy - others find them great).

One of the crucial things every new manager has to learn, though, is that there's a difference between being the boss and being a mate. You mustn't approach them expecting or wanting them to love and adore you. If you do a good job and are fair and loyal some of them inevitably will sooner or later. But that's a perk and not part of the job description.

Overly familiar buddy type managers scare or confuse employees more often than not. It's difficult for them to make silly jokes with the same person whom they have to justify their failures to a few hours later.

I'm saying this as someone who loves her boss and who's generally regarded as a much beloved boss and someone people actually want to transfer to. I like most of my employees - some more than others. My boss was invited to my house party just recently (and happily accepted). But those kinds of relationships don't pop into existence along with a contract. They grow and thrive over long periods.

Try and aim to be effective, fair and loyal first and foremost and worry less about whether they like you as a person. You're their boss. You naturally make them feel a tad apprehensive. That's not you, it's your role.

I'm also a big advocate of doing small, informal 1:1 type things with my people every once in a while. I'll take one of them for coffee outside if we're just us at the office or will tell an overworked staffer that we'll both call it a day at 4pm and take them for a quick drink at the pub. The point is, I don't plan these things and I don't do them to ingratiate myself but because I like my people and want them to be okay in their jobs.

Okay, that ended up a bit long and rambling, but I hope the gist is halfway clear.

So instead of threatening you with a review if the team shrinks further, why not support and train you for your new role? As to your staff, you are not their previous manager so do not try to be. Get them into a 121 and listen, make notes and ask questions about them, their work and their aspirations. Don't make promises there and then but take the info away and use it to form a plan. Not everyone will like you, some may challenge you but stick with it, challenge them back, deliver on your promises, be firm but fair, get your hands dirty when backs are against the wall and it will develop respect within the team. Quietly do what you do best. You can do this but investigate training options for you and push back at threats of reviews. Read read read. One minute manager is good.

Place marking for advice!

Do the team know they have been consistently under performing with previous manager and continuing now? Are there any incentives for them to perform better? To change how they work?

They maybe can't see any issues. Are resenting the change of manager and it sounds like it's you who will be the brunt with management.

Tough that your management are not supporting you more. Good luck with the reading and with motivating the team.

Ps I don't think being an introvert is an issue.

I always start a new management job with a session where they can give feedback of what they think is wrong in a SWOT style; look at the top gripes and start looking to improve what they want, in return the team need to up their game and work out how we all deliver the new targets. Then get to know them and start slotting them into key strength areas and training areas they are below par in where it is needed.

You always have to get the most verbal troublemaker on side to try and use them as a buffer; I give them the job of coming up with solutions to the thing they are most slagging you off about which usually means no solutions but it stops the slagging off as nobody wants to get lumbered with fixing something they know is unfixable.

One thing I noticed in your second post was that it was centred on you - your plans for the department, you want their loyalty, etc.

It’s worth turning that round. What’s your offer to them? What ownership do they have of the future direction of the department? What stake do they have in its success?

Leadership is about what you do, not your qualities. I’d focus less on labels and more on behaviours - get some training and do some reading and remember that management is a skill that people learn, it’s not a natural trait some people have.

As an introvert manager I understand your concerns! You will probably have to be more outgoing at work than you're used to being (then go home and lie in a dark room quivering) but you don't need to be a massive personality. Being helpful and reliable while setting high standards is more important. But do always be ready to talk to your team when they need you - don't hide away.

If it is a large company then there probably is a platform for giving feedbacks. But not all have. I don’t have a senior management role. Just one team of non managers under me. I would set up one to ones, ask them what their goals and objectives are, and then ask for feedback. I think it would be harder to be frank when you are in a group situation. As for the awful team lunch, does the team socialise well together? I would like to know if it’s just your presence or it’s a problem even on their own?

Put the nuts and bolts in place. Monthly 121s where you really listen to them are worth a lot. Plus delivering on any personnel related priorities.

Don’t be afraid to tell them if they are underperforming- but offer them the support and coaching to improve it. Find opportunities to reward good performance both publicly and privately.

Be fast and consistent on approving holidays. Be as kind and generous as you can be when people have personal issues

I actually find charismatic managers a bit overrated. Generally not good with details and a bit egotistical. Focus on your team not yourself

I have never managed a team but if I had a new manager I would like them to spend time with me to understand what I am good at doing and what I need support with. I would, ideally, like them to allow me (and the others in the team) to play to our strengths - that is not always possible but currently I have an overall manager who thinks everyone should do everything and it's not very motivating. And I would not want to be micro-managed.

Futurelearn has some management courses by the way - there is one on workplace communication called "how to read your boss" and various management courses too.

You need to do a 1:1 with each of them, and do it monthly.

Sit them down, ask them about thr goals of their jobs, how they feel it's going, how they wish to be supported, basically treat them as you would like to be treated. Praise the good stuff they are doing and their strong points, ask the issue and work out a plan to resolve.

If you can't praise in person, then send emails, recognition rewards. Being loud isn't necessary, you can be an excellent manager and quiet.

But you have to recognise the strengths and reward, support thr weaknesses to resolve. Have a plan in place for the team and an agreed plan to meet it, give them a voice, if they agree the plan, you get their buy in. Make them feel you're on their side and have their backs. Be open and honest.

A managers job is about thr team. You perform through them.

Hmm, my old manager tried to bribe people to like him with home made cakes.
The cakes were excellent and improved morale for a couple of hours. Unfortunately he was still a control freak numpty with absolutely no people skills and overall morale in the department is still extremely low with many people actively jobhunting.
If I learned anything about management from him, it is that manager should talk to people with respect, treat them as intelligent human beings, not patronise, let them use initiative and not try to control every second of their working day. Be open to hearing and considering their suggestions and ideas. And acknowledge or thank team members for their work /contribution /effort as appropriate for your field of work.

I'm wondering if there is a back story. Did someone on the team think they were a shoe-in for the role? Was someone managing it on a temporary basis with a view to remaining?

I'd be wary re cakes etc as a pp said. It can come across as patronising. If there are fundamental problems, gimmicks will irritate not help. One unpopular but well-intentioned manager here does Top Of The Pops style quizzes on work topics, which go down badly.

I intend to have lots of meetings where I outline my plan for the department.

It has been said but it's worth saying again - be collaborative. Set the direction and then collectively find the way there. People are more engaged when they feel included rather than a new plan imposed on them. You don't have to have all the answers - you then have the opportunity to engage people with their ideas.

It has been said but it's worth saying again - be collaborative.

Absolutely. Write on a white board what the targets are, and as a group work out how you as a team get there. Make your plan together. Otherwise you are doomed from the start.

turns a blind eye to bad practice ooh I bet they hate him for that!