To not really like or enjoy my children.

[Zoolander74]

There it is. Real taboo I know but I just find it all so hard. My kids are 10 and 8 and I am starting to really dislike both of them. They irritate the hell out of me and have done for a few years. I love them both but I don’t like them. I don’t think I was cut out for this. I don’t know what to do to change the way I feel. It’s really upsetting.

I think you need to put your children first and get them away from your 'Moody, selfish, angry, lazy, aggressive' partner. They may lose those traits when not influenced by him.

This. And it sounds like it would be better for you as a person to be away from him. It could hardly be worse, could it?

Yes yabu. This is not normal. Yes, often people get annoyed with their small (as yours are) children, disappointed, even angry. Occasionally.
You need professional help.

I'm with you, OP. I cannot stand parenting but love my daughter. She's 8 now and I'm only just starting to enjoy her company. Although I've always been very protective of her and loved the moments (when she was sleeping) when I could watch her in peace.
She drives me nutty at times. And I don't like her when she has her horrendous tantrums or is being nasty or rude to me. Why would I?! But she always knows that I love her.
Based on the insights I gained with becoming a parent, I'm sticking with one child.
You are not bad for feeling as you do.
Ditch the not-so-dh. That'll be one less stress in your life and you'll be able to focus a bit more on you and the children.

can you move out and leave them with their dad. You could still have access, and it might improve your relationship with them, if it wasnt your whole life.

As Branleuse says and also a PP Would he be better placed to raise them, with you leaving the family home?
Sometimes this is a better option

Branleuse and crunched would you conside a lazy, selfish, aggressive and angry parent better than one who loves them, is trying their best but is struggling to like them?

Not read through everything OP but sounds like you need a break from kids and partner. Is that possible? Night away? Night out? It also sounds like the real issue is your resentment and unhappiness with their father. Can you speak to anybody IRL?

I grew up in a household were my Mother clearly didn't like me. I could tell this from I was pre-school age at 3 years old. Looking back now, she probably should have spoken to someone. So I would advise you to do the same. When they hit their teenage years, they will fight back and not have any trust in you, which leads to natural rebellion. I'm now 29 and haven't spoken to her properly since I was 17. So unless you want the same outcome, you maybe need to speak to a friend or family member. She surly regrets it now, but it's too late

Im not going to judge a bloke i dont know on whether he would be a good parent just because OP doesnt like him. She also doesnt like her children and im not going to judge them either. Sometimes being in close proximity and living with people can make you hate them, and being brought up by an overwhelmed mother who doesnt like you isnt good for the children, nor is it good for the mother. She has not said that the father is abusive.
Just because she is the woman, doesnt mean she has to take the children and given the context of this post, I REALLY dont think anyone should be pressuring her into it. I am putting it out there as a valid option, and fuck what anyone else thinks about a mothers role.

You could see them at weekends and maybe build up a better relationship. I am not suggesting rejecting them or abandoning them.

@cantucciniamaretto she didn't say anything about them being unwanted and unloved, how's that helping anyone?

@Morphene great advice, what u have said is what I would of said also :)

I think your right to book a doctors app, and I would suggest counselling, it's what I would do, it's sounds like your depressed big hugs darling, deal with the husband later, too much shit at once will make you feel worse 😗

I haven't really got any advice apart from leave the man who you quite clearly hate. What on earth are you still with him for?
My heart absolutely breaks for your children, they will know that you don't like them - I don't know how you've got them to that age without seeking the help which you must know you need.
I'm sorry OP I hope things turn out ok for you and for the sake of those poor poor children who didn't ask to be brought into this heartbreaking mess 💐😔

She has not said that the father is abusive.
She called them lazy, angry, aggressive and selfish and said they took after their father.

I was raised by my Dad, i'm not advocating someone has to take the kids just because she owns a vagina. But of the partner is all of that, I think its wrong to leave the kids in that environment

Why are people saying she should take the children?? They are 8 and 10 and she doesn't like them. How can you trust her opinion on her husband when she feels like this towards her children?

If he's abusive. She doesn't like them I think the kids are better off somewhere away from them both!

I find it sad that you hate your children rather than keeping that hate for their father. No idea why you are still with him and clearly for long enough for your kids to end up like him. If you hate them all that much I think you should maybe leave. Even if only for a week and see how you feel. You should know in that week of being away wether you want to go back or not.

Talk about kicking a woman while she's down!!! She never said she hates them. She said she's STARTING to DISLIKE them. A VERY different thing. She's asking for help and advice. Give her a break. Parenting isn't all sweetness and light. Some of us find it harder than others.

This is another thread where a load of mums have enjoyed kicking the shit out of someone who is struggling. Not one of us is perfect as a parent, not one. And if you think you are you’re a mug. An arrogant, selfish and stupid mug.

Two things
Playing with children is mostly hell. I'm not surprised you don't enjoy it.
And how can you enjoy anything living with the man you describe, he sounds like he would suck the joy out of anything.

Chose happiness, let your kids see you choosing happiness. Please op, find a way to leave him. What needs to happen for you to leave?

Oh and don't listen to the twat perfect mum brigade. They are just not able to be as honest as you are.
Of course your kids feel loved. Some people can't see nuance if they trip over it.

Thinking of you today @zoolander74

Op... I felt the same, loved my dds just didn't like them a lot of the time. Well that's what I thought, but now I realise I didn't like what they represented.. Which was restrictions on my time, restrictions on my career, my choices. I felt burdened and martyred to motherhood. And from that resentment towards my dds grew.

Once they became teens, and then older teens it became so so different. Once I was freer to make choices based on what I wanted, I could effectively have much of my life and time back, when they no longer needed me in quite the same way younger children do. Well then it became the very best thing in my life. Dd2 said to me once, she was about 14 at time.. 'mummy you are the best parent out of all my friends parents'.... I asked why? She replied 'Cus you are here but you leave me to get on with it'... I think she meant life.

So hang in there op.. And maybe try encouraging independence in your dc, start 'leaving them to it' a bit, in an age appropriate way obviously!
Start allowing you to put you first... They won't hate you. And independence is a great gift you can give them