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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Martial arts instructor keeps punching me in the stomach

86 replies

Xombie · 16/01/2018 12:15

He's old school and is doing it to show me my guard is shit but he doesn't seem to do it to anyone else? He also picks on me a bit, constantly takes the piss out of me and constantly uses me to demonstrate moves on even though I'm a low grade. He's not like this with anyone else.

Does he just really hate me or what? He's never properly hurt me but I'm scared shitless of him and feel anxious and nervous whenever he comes near me as it usually results in me being hit in some way.

If he did it with everyone I wouldn't be bothered but out of a class of other men and women, I'm the only one he's like this with??? I don't know what I've done to make him dislike me so much?

OP posts:

MissWilmottsGhost · 16/01/2018 16:05

Oh he's an 8th dan.

Some of them have interesting coaching styles, particularly old school I-was-taught-by-a-Japanese-master ones

I have seen some right twats on national courses.

Shhhhhh2018 · 16/01/2018 16:15

Kick him in the dick & tell him his guard is shit.

But seriously I'd speak to him & ask if he gets off in making you look silly in front of others

StoneColdDiva · 16/01/2018 17:23

Sometimes I think Mumsnet is full of smart informed progressive women.

Then I read that it might be because he fancies you and I cannot believe there are still people who peddle this shit.

parklives · 16/01/2018 17:43

I agree Stone!
And op, you need to call him out on him picking on you or leave the class.
He sounds like a nasty prick, and you're paying for the privilege of him bully you, fuck that!

parklives · 16/01/2018 17:44

bullying

unplugmefromthematrix · 16/01/2018 17:53

It could be that he does fancy the OP, but I am not sure if any PP suggesting that was meaning that the OP should be flattered or relieved if that is the case. (I sincerely hope not. More that it might explain why he is singling her out.

Unfortunately some men still do not know how to handle or express their feelings appropriately, so if he does fancy her, it doesn't excuse him - behaving that way still makes him a stupid arsehole and social inadequate at best (thinking he is just teasing her), and a potentially abusive bastard at worst. Either way, he needs to stop.

If he asks you to spar with him OP, I say square your shoulders, keep your heaad up and say loudly "No, I have had enough of you hitting me". I wouldn't blame you for anting to leave, but I wouldn't want to do so without giving him a piece of my mind.

ArchchancellorsHat · 16/01/2018 17:56

I had similar in a martial arts setting - it was because he fancied me, miserable creep. Does his name start with B and is it in Edinburgh? I hope so as otherwise there's a load of these fuckwits around.

Basecamp21 · 16/01/2018 18:05

Go somewhere else...if it's anything like where we are there are ma schools coming out your ears.

Just switch to another one

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 16/01/2018 18:07

ArchchancellorsHat

There are definitely a load of these fuckwits around.

Martial arts are great in many ways, but quite a lot of them have a culture where the instructor's word is law and must be respected in every way. In these dojos any attention whatsoever the instructor might pay you should be regarded as a privilege, and an instructor who yells at/hits hard an individual in public is just trying to help you improve, and it's part of your training to learn to deal with it.

Some people can handle the power that kind of place gives them, but quite a lot of them lose the plot and actually start to believe that anything they say must be correct, because they said it. In such places any kind of questioning established norms is considered disrespectful. This is why it is so important to go to a club whose established norms you like.

catkind · 16/01/2018 18:16

I would read that as he fancies you and he's a dick. He's taking every opportunity to interact with you. In what passes for his mind he's getting to show off how clever he is and distinguish you by his attention. We don't say it to 8 yr olds like it's an excuse for bullying, but it can help explain what's going on in a bully's head.

Whatever the reason though I'd leave and make sure he knows why.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 18:47

IJoined so glad my dojo does not have this culture, its a totally relaxed and calm environment where egos have no place, and everybody makes mistakes and learns from them, even the instructors, they are not afraid to say so to their students.

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