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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Martial arts instructor keeps punching me in the stomach

86 replies

Xombie · 16/01/2018 12:15

He's old school and is doing it to show me my guard is shit but he doesn't seem to do it to anyone else? He also picks on me a bit, constantly takes the piss out of me and constantly uses me to demonstrate moves on even though I'm a low grade. He's not like this with anyone else.

Does he just really hate me or what? He's never properly hurt me but I'm scared shitless of him and feel anxious and nervous whenever he comes near me as it usually results in me being hit in some way.

If he did it with everyone I wouldn't be bothered but out of a class of other men and women, I'm the only one he's like this with??? I don't know what I've done to make him dislike me so much?

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 16/01/2018 12:48

Change classes, even change martial arts if you have to. If you do Tae kwon do, switch to karate, or the other way round. They are so similar, if you are a low grade, it will not be very different at all.

You do not have to put up with this!

CremeFresh · 16/01/2018 12:49

I take it you are paying for these classes ? You need to take your custom elsewhere and tell the bully why.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 12:49

Look for another school, I go to a Dojo and its amazing, the intructors are nothing but professional and properly qualified and trained as instructors. This would not be happening there. Is it in a small community hall with a one man as the instructor, I did not find those very good, hence me going to a proper martial arts centre.

Aspatria · 16/01/2018 12:50

It sounds very wrong.

You could be a very promising student, and he choses you because he thinks you have potential and you are not doing as best as you could.

He might genuinely like you - not talking about "fancying you", is he 8?

He might be like that with many students but you don't realise it.

Is he actually hurting you? or is it more like a push and you just feel uncomfortable because people are watching you?

Anyway, you shouldn't be scared or stressed, do think about finding another club. It's a hobby, no need to be stressed unless you are in a competition.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 12:51

I can imagine some do this for a power trip and ego boost.

innagazing · 16/01/2018 12:53

Sounds more like he could fancy you?

We don’t say this to eight year olds in the playground any more. Let’s not say it to an adult woman.

Don't we? What do we say when we think someone fancies someone else?

Aspatria · 16/01/2018 12:54

He's an 8th dan

if his dan has been won or "given" by a national body, it's one thing, but it could also be self-awarded

BluebellTheDonkey · 16/01/2018 12:55

Do you have any Choi Kwang Do classes in your area? My two DS do it and love it. It is non physical contact (pads, shields and focus mitts are used) and non competitive, you do it for your own personal progress and nothing else. Its made the world of difference to my eldest Ds confidence.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 12:55

Going to a martial arts class should not be making you feel like this, and he should not be so unprofessional. In our martial arts centre, the instructors mostly use the high grades to demonstrate with, they are lovely and approachable, everyone there is. One of the rules of the centre, is that you leave your egos at the door when you come in. Even if you are shit, you are made to feel good about yourself and your achievements, though its more expensive than a single guy running a club in a hall, I would not go anywhere else.

Aspatria · 16/01/2018 12:56

What do we say when we think someone fancies someone else?

When someone hurts or bully another adult, we don't say "He fancies you", on which planet would that be acceptable!

therealposieparker · 16/01/2018 12:57

He sounds like an arsehole, you don't have to go!

BiglyBadgers · 16/01/2018 12:57

This whole assumption from some people on here that he is doing it because he finds her attractive is shocking! There is absolutely no reason to believe this is the case. It is what women are told when men bully and abuse them to make them feel bad for complaining or convince them he is actually alright really.

There are plenty of other reasons he could be doing it. Maybe he thinks she seems like someone who won't fight back or complain or maybe he just doesn't like the way she does her hair. The fact is we don't know and it doesn't matter.

He is a bullying arsehole and you should absolutely leave the club and find a new one. I actually wouldn't bother bringing it up with him as I imagine he will just say you are imagining it or minimise his actions in some other way. I would make sure you mention it to anyone else you know who goes there or who is thinking of going though.

therealposieparker · 16/01/2018 12:57

And report him to the governing body.

RhiannonOHara · 16/01/2018 12:57

Change clubs. Tell him clearly why.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 12:58

I do K1 dutch style kickboxing, and the classes are relaxed, and calm. We even have a bit of banter in the sessions its all relaxed.

DriggleDraggle · 16/01/2018 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeywithacowface · 16/01/2018 12:59

He sounds like a real wanker. Honestly find a better club.

As for the "sounds like he fancies you" bollocks. Pfft.

notaflyingmonkey · 16/01/2018 12:59

Do you happen to stand near him in the class - if you are a low grade then I am thinking you are probably at the front? It could be that he needs an adult of roughly the same height as him to demonstrate on/with and you are the first person to hand?

Worth having a quiet word with him before or after the class to let him know that you feel uncomfortable I would have thought.

Does your style promote contact? Maybe a martial arts clubs with no or minimal contact would suit you better.

ptumbi · 16/01/2018 13:00

Don't we? What do we say when we think someone fancies someone else? - to 8yos? We don't. 8Yos don't 'fancy' each other.

To anyone - we do not associate violence with 'fancying'. Ever.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 13:00

Take your custom and go elsewhere, try a few bigger martial arts centres where there are a few instructors. If he is a one man band so to speak, if will not make any difference you telling him. It does not sound like he has any professional instructor qualifications.

Buxbaum · 16/01/2018 13:00

We don’t say this to eight year olds in the playground any more. Let’s not say it to an adult woman.

Don't we? What do we say when we think someone fancies someone else?

Um. Well, I don't - because I think it's unbelievably damaging to teach little girls that when a boy is being unkind or hurting you he is doing it as a sign of affection.

I think it's equally fucked up to suggest the same to an adult. OP says 'I'm scared shitless of him and feel anxious and nervous whenever he comes near me as it usually results in me being hit in some way.' The only response to someone saying this is to suggest that they either call him out on it or have nothing more to do with him. If he does fancy her then this is a gigantic red flag that he is not relationship material.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 13:01

No a martial arts centre with a much better instructor is better. If she is enjoying that martial art, why should she change.

StormTreader · 16/01/2018 13:01

After every class he comes over to me and tells me I'm improving and doing really well

And that is when you say to him "actually, I need to talk to you about something. Every week seems to involve me being used to demonstrate on, and often being punched in the stomach, and I'd appreciate it if you started using someone else to do this with. I'm reaching the point where I'm considering stopping coming because of it and I'd really like to not have to do that."

araiwa · 16/01/2018 13:02

No fighting in here. This is the karate class

Littlechocola · 16/01/2018 13:03

Tell him it’s not okay and that you’ll be looking for another club because this one isn’t working.
Sounds like an arsehole.

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