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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Martial arts instructor keeps punching me in the stomach

86 replies

Xombie · 16/01/2018 12:15

He's old school and is doing it to show me my guard is shit but he doesn't seem to do it to anyone else? He also picks on me a bit, constantly takes the piss out of me and constantly uses me to demonstrate moves on even though I'm a low grade. He's not like this with anyone else.

Does he just really hate me or what? He's never properly hurt me but I'm scared shitless of him and feel anxious and nervous whenever he comes near me as it usually results in me being hit in some way.

If he did it with everyone I wouldn't be bothered but out of a class of other men and women, I'm the only one he's like this with??? I don't know what I've done to make him dislike me so much?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 13:03

Its not the martial art that op is finding hard, its the bullying instructor. I would not confront him, I would not want to. Just leave, and mabey e mail him to tell him why.

IMightMentionGriddlebone · 16/01/2018 13:03

Go somewhere else.

Honeycombcrunch · 16/01/2018 13:05

Whatever his reasons for behaving like he does to you, you feel uncomfortable and unhappy in the class. Don't go back and find yourself another instructor. If he contacts you just say that you are taking a break from the lessons.

ptumbi · 16/01/2018 13:13

Tell him you're pregnant?

araiwa · 16/01/2018 13:14

Another issue that can quickly and simply resolved one way or another by talking to the guy.

Maybe hez a dick. Maybe he fancies you. Maybe hes trying to get you to improve . Only way to know is to speak to him

ObscuredbyFog · 16/01/2018 13:18

Find a different class somewhere else.

You don't have to explain to him why you are leaving. if he has your contact details say for when you signed up and he gets in touch, email him and say I am no longer a member of (name of group) and will not be returning.

If you want him to know, then say something like

I left because you were singling me out every lesson to be punched and to use me to demonstrate moves on.
You did not treat any of the other class members this way.
As you now know I have left (name of group) due to your actions.
Do not contact me again.

Then block him.

GrumpyGrey · 16/01/2018 13:21

leave and make it clear why

Notadrill · 16/01/2018 13:28

This is supposed to be a leisure activity. You don't have to put up with it.
I think full-contact combat-type martial arts in mixed classes need to have very clear boundaries. This sounds unacceptable. See if you have a Systema class in your area (it's a Russian martial art, a bit like aikido but more practical, less ritual).

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 16/01/2018 13:29

I think I would actually need to be present in the class to make my mind up.

On the one hand

yes, you will get hit if you go to a martial arts class, that's kind of the point
being demonstrated on is not an insult

but of course some instructors are bullies, so...

if you don't like it, try a different club. The world is full of martial arts clubs. Even within the same organisation, clubs can vary enormously. It's OK to change clubs.

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 16/01/2018 13:31

I'm not sure I'd bother communicating to the instructor your reasons for leaving: if he is a legitimate 8th dan then he is unlikely to change his coaching style over one beginner's comment.

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 16/01/2018 13:32

Not because 8th dans shouldn't listen to beginners, but because he's been doing what he's doing for a very, very long time.

IMightMentionGriddlebone · 16/01/2018 13:51

If I was the OP, I would just leave.

OP, don't give up on martial arts though. It doesn't sound like any decent class I've ever attended. Experienced instructors are normally very careful in demonstrations not to pick on the same person all the time, and especially careful to avoid bullying any one.

This is the owner, not a rookie instructor. You can't change an environment like that with constructive feedback, so you're best off finding somewhere that is a good fit for you.

Hissy · 16/01/2018 13:58

What martial art is this?

In all MA that I know, you don't ACTUALLY make contact until WAY higher up the belts.

If I were you I'd tell him that clearly his control is crap because he's making contact

You can't knee him in the groin, he'd block it for sure, but you can tell him to stop fucking hitting you.

bigtissue · 16/01/2018 14:02

Having 8th dan doesn't stop him being an arse. He will be infecting the atmosphere of the dojo so your only sensible choice is to train somewhere else.

Aspatria · 16/01/2018 14:05

In all MA that I know, you don't ACTUALLY make contact until WAY higher up the belts

I don't necessarily agree with that, just above the belt is fine in some discipline. It doesn't mean you use a student as a punch bag

Spudlet · 16/01/2018 14:05

This is supposed to be fun, and it's costing you money. And it seems pretty clear that you are not, in fact, having fun. So why keep doing it? Find another instructor that you do click with.

I've never done MA but I've ridden for years and had many lessons with many instructors. Some, I've liked. Some, I have not. I will not pay money for lessons that don't teach me anything, or that I don't enjoy, so I make (or don't make!) repeat bookings on that basis. I would suggest that a similar approach could also serve you.

Hissy · 16/01/2018 14:10

Sorry, Aspatria I meant higher up in the belt colour, not sure if i was clear there

He's a twat this instructor, he needs calling out on this crap.

Aspatria · 16/01/2018 14:14

I meant higher up in the belt colour, not sure if i was clear there

sorry, I got that wrong!

It's probably safer, not really for the beginners but the higher grades, beginners being a bit unpredictable and more likely to hurt you especially when you are not allowed to match their hits

Few clubs around me allow full sparing from white belt!

BigBaboonBum · 16/01/2018 14:17

CrispButty “Sounds like he could fancy you”

Lmao 😂 . Punching somebody in the stomach because you fancy them. I’m gonna punch OH in the stomach when he gets home at the weekend and see how it goes down

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 15:33

Not necessarily. We sometimes do light sparring at our Dojo and I am only on green belt.

FluffyWuffy100 · 16/01/2018 15:41

I would let him know its unacceptable (via email if you don't want to say F2F) and go to a different class.

placebobebo · 16/01/2018 15:46

It could be that as he is telling you you are doing really well in private that perhaps he thinks you can take it or that you need "challenging" more to progress. In a twisted way perhaps he is hard on you because he thinks you are capable of more. Doesn't mean he's going the right way about it though. Don't just leave, have a word with him before your next class and see if you can work this out like adults.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 15:48

Hi better change his attitude of her wants customers.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/01/2018 15:52

Taking the piss, picking specifically on op and not the others is bullying behaviour and should not be tolerated. Our instructors are old school, some have been doing this for over 30 years, yet they don't behave like this. Just because he is 8th Dan does not mean he can treat customers like that, as that is what op is. There are better ways of encouraging and helping somebody do their best, which does not involve this type of behaviour.

MissWilmottsGhost · 16/01/2018 15:57

Test his guard by kicking him in the balls

I have done martial arts since I was 18 and have never been treated like that in any club or in any dojo by an instructor. He sounds like he is an arsehole.

I have experienced knobhead students trying to prove women shouldn't do martial arts, but usually the instructor stamps that out sometimes literally or else the other students are outraged. I have never intentionally kicked anyone in the balls, but have poked them to make a point that I can reach them if I want to. IME it usually makes big tough martial artists squeal and blush

Find a different club. There are plenty that will welcome you, why put up with that shit?

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