To think my sons should be able to flush a toilet?

[MrsMuddlePluck]

Just gone up to bed. Went to turn light off in family bathroom (again).

The mess in there is yet again disgusting. Piss on the seat & down the sides. Unflushed crap in the bowl.

Empty toilet rolls next to the bin. Stinking wet towels & dirty boxers on the floor.

Last week DSs GF asked to use my ensuite loo as someone had peed all over the seat. Yet again I was on my hands & knees mopping up pee.

I cant believe I'm still having to clear up such a shithole. My DSs are 15, 18 & 20, so I am so completely fed up & disgusted with this.

I feel nauseous.

OP how long have they been like this? why is it only now you're concerned about this?

Next time it happens, get them all into the loo and say this is appalling. You're not only fined £15 a time each, the three of you (since they'll also say it wasn't them) but you also get rid of skidmarks and skanky pants and stuff in the bathroom. Agree, get the GF on side and cancel the wifi. Get her to tell them they'll never keep a GF or BF if that's what they're like.

I'm sure you have a loo brush and loo tin in each bathroom and the relevant loo cleaners.

And I trust you're not doing their laundry?

what income do they have? can you fine them?

Good luck and keep us updated on your toddler teenagers.

Oh my God. I was giving out to my nephew for doing this when he stayed here last week. The difference is, he's 6! I am HORRIFIED that your 'boys' are still doing this as grown adults OP.

Your fault for treating them like babies.

And I trust you're not doing their laundry?

Of course you are, aren't you, OP? Stop doing that immediately!!

Can your DH use a toilet properly?
If no, fine him too.
If yes, get him to explain it to the toddlers guys.

Wow AS illuminating - you've got bigger problems than this op. And that's saying something.

Right, you've got to start taking action today.

Put on your highest heels and strut around the house as if you mean business, with an intense air. Take them both into the bathroom for a 'toilet lesson' and say that you've already potty trained them, but they've regressed.

Then pick one and say 'let's see how this is done now, shall we?' in a saccharine sweet voice. And give instructions as they do it.

And say you'll get his girlfriend to teach him if he can't learn.

Actually where is DH is all this?

Is this a sort-of reverse?

Are you the GF?

If so don’t put up with it, definitely do not move in with him or make plans for a long term relationship. His mum is teaching him women exist to clean up piss. Why bother trying to undo that indoctrination, you’re too young to settle for that.

Sorry you’re too young is poor wording. What I actually meant is life is too short! Of course no woman of any age should put up with this

I would get a lock on the door and have the only key. Let them in and out as and when required and inspect it as they leave.

Theyll soon the message. They want to acr like babies, start treating them like it

My neighbour had two similar sons.
She decided to charge £5 for every time she has to clean the bathroom after them, and she charged them both as she didn't know which was to blame. They suddenly and miraculously stopped acting like toddlers.
Make a stand op.

Actually thinking about it and having read op's other posts if I were op I would be the one moving out and leaving them all to it!

Your sons should have no meals until they are clean. Not flushing is inexcusable, as is the mess.

Oh my gosh, I feel for You!! I had a boyfriend that did this at his parents, but never at our flat. He just did it because he knew his mum would clean it! I only found out about it because I went to use the toilet after him at their house and saw the disgusting mess he had left behind! I still remember the look on his face when I bollocked him about it! So so so grim

This was you last February OP

"You need my 3 sons! There's a loo roll holder next to the loo that holds 2 spares & 1 on a simple 'bar'. I have lost count of the times one roll is on the floor & another is in the bath!"
How you can live like this is beyond me..

She can't live like this - that's why she's started a thread to ask for help!

MollyHuaCha - right - I can't live like this. I get so much cr@p if I change the wifi - DH complains as he works from home and moans if I forget to tell him what the pwd is. His side of the bed is as messy as the boys' - none of them pick up anything after themselves and I have given up cooking for the selfish lots of them. I CAN cook, but they refuse to eat anything other than bland pasta and takeaways - including DH.

I have just gone up to bed, having cleared up all the food they didn't eat, only to get a call from DH - "I'm so thirsty, I'm really looking forward to a nice cup of tea. Can you put the kettle on?".

This after picking up towels off the floor - flushing the toilet yet AGAIN and looking at the pile of unclaimed clean laundry on my bedroom floor, that I asked several times over the weekend for them to come and collect. Again - including DHs. He moaned yesterday that I hadn't ironed any trousers for him, even though I spent 3 hours ironing what had been washed and he'd left a suitcase explosion in the hallway!

wtf have I done? I feel like I have completely and utterly failed as a Mum. Added to this, the fact that DS2s GF is getting utterly pissed off at the way they talk to me. The disrespect and utter selfishness is way beyond a joke and I want to give up.

OP I didn’t want to read and run...you sound like an amazing mum/wife and you’ve got more patience than I could ever have. Your family are lucky to have you.

I really don’t know what to suggest to help but could you go on strike? Wash your own clothes, cook for yourself only etc?

Leave home. I wouldn't stay around four grown arseholes who treated me like that.

You haven't failed... yet. But you only have a small window and you are trying to push back boundaries established over decades. You have to be hard, you have to be sure and you have to be ruthless.

Tell the girlf friend she can't use the en suite, let her deal with your son, who I would add, you brought up to this stage!

Toilet wise - when there is an unflushed turd - I march out to where the DH and 2DS are and demand to know whose turd it is. If nnecessary they are dragged out of bed.Then I make them all come and look at it, then the owner has to claim it and flush. Starting to work after I did it when a friend was over ( DS1's).

Pee wise - I make them help me clean it when it's bad, in bed or not.
Ironing - fuck it. A whizz in the dryer sorts it out most times, iron your own stuff as needed. DS 11 can iron his own pants, so can DS 15. DH is a farmer and gives no shits whether he is crumpled or not.

Dinner mess - you cook, you don't clean up. On cleaning duty - no TV or anything till it's done to acceptable standards. Fail, come back and finish it off.

Dirty towels and boxers - make them remove them. Don't pick it up.

Don't raise hopeless men who expect women to do all this stuff. Mine will not leave home without high level domestic skills. The more you do, the worse you will get treated. My DH has moments of expecting wonders, but he was beyond cosseted growing up.

Stop picking up after them. Seriously. They act this way because they know you will keep wiping up their piss. My 5y/o DD knows to flush the loo, & is mortified if she makes a mess, & very good at cleaning it up herself.
If you want a good relationship with your future DILs, you need to get on this. Now. I am amazed your DS2 has a girlfriend - my DH is messy & disorganised but nothing like this, that's absolutely grim & a real turn off.

At their ages - and if you can tolerate the mess - I would go on strike. No more cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing. Nothing except your own stuff. Even your DH would buck his ideas up once he runs out of clean pants and has to wipe the pissy toilet seat every time he takes a shit.