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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a deal breaker?

96 replies

inmyshoos · 15/01/2018 15:52

If you are dating someone and you discover through chat that you have opposing political views, would that be a deal breaker for you?
Im not hugely political at all, but know enough to vote confidently, I just wonder if it will cause issue doen the line because his morals will be so different to mine. Not that I mind him having his own opinions. He likes different music to me that is fine. Likewise most other things. But this feels different.

Fwiw there are a few other potential deal breakers but this is the one that is playing on my mind most!

AIBU?

OP posts:

PricklyBall · 15/01/2018 17:21

Would depend much more on personality type than political affiliation for me. I could more easily be in a relationship with someone who voted differently who had honestly thought about the issues and simply reached a different POV from me, but was prepared to discuss openly and honestly without resorting to insults, than I could with someone who voted the same way as me but was the sort of dogmatist for whom ideology came as a package deal and any dissent marked you out as the devil incarnate.

RidingWindhorses · 15/01/2018 17:22

When I asked if he was pro brexit he said 'Yes absolutely! Have you heard of the Barnett formula?' ..... to which I replied ' have you heard of the fanny shrivel'

I don't think this is just different pages - it's an entirely different book.

IDefinitelyWould · 15/01/2018 17:22

Dh and I have opposing opinions. But we both believe in the right for people to vote inline with their belief system. We don't really talk politics but both vote. It doesn't really affect our relationship because we have so much else in common.

Notreallyarsed · 15/01/2018 17:24

When I asked if he was pro brexit he said 'Yes absolutely! Have you heard of the Barnett formula?' ..... to which I replied ' have you heard of the fanny shrivel'

OP if I could high five you for that response I absolutely would!

PeacefulBlessing · 15/01/2018 17:25

It would be for me.

I was talking to a friend's husband recently and we have completely opposing views on absolutely everything. I realised at that point that I could date someone who had no interest in politics before I could date someone with opposing views.

I don't actually think I could fancy someone who had very different views to me.

I certainly couldn't have sex with them!

MongerTruffle · 15/01/2018 17:26

I could never be with someone who is pro-Brexit, pro-Conservative/UKIP/BNP/Britain First etc or holds more extreme views.

This is one of the few things that I'm not willing to compromise on.

KurriKurri · 15/01/2018 17:26

It would be a deal breaker for me if it was totally opposing, because I would assume we have very different outlooks on life and very different views of what actually matters. I'm a labour voter I couldn't have a relationship with a tory, I think we'd just disagree about everything.

LEMtheoriginal · 15/01/2018 17:31

I'm pretty left wing in my politics so a conservative voter would need to respect my views but too far to the right /UKIP tendencies would be a no go for me

bluechameleon · 15/01/2018 17:32

DH and I have different views - he tends to vote blue and me red, but we agree on fundamental moral issues so I don't see it as a problem. I find his Daily Hate-reading mother difficult though...

NiteFlights · 15/01/2018 17:37

I would struggle with the things you have listed, but in some ways it might be more interesting discussing politics with someone who holds different views, as long as they are well thought out and, as you said, don't actually conflict with your moral/ethical viewpoint. DH and I have similar views, with him being generally more left-wing than me, and we still have plenty of arguments about politics.

GameOldBirdz · 15/01/2018 17:39

It depends but probably, yes, at the early stages of a relationship this would put me off.

Having said that, however, me and DH have very different political opinions on a number of issues. His attitudes, for example, towards benefits is startling different from mine. It's not a deal-breaker after 13 years together.

RidingWindhorses · 15/01/2018 17:41

I would struggle with the things you have listed, but in some ways it might be more interesting discussing politics with someone who holds different views, as long as they are well thought out

Not on Brexit.

I've never met a well thought out Brexit argument anyway.

mari652 · 15/01/2018 17:54

We have broadly similar political views, though he leans more in one direction than me ( neither extreme ! ) though diverged over a recent major political point. We discussed why each had the view, it didn't change our own votes but I respected his reasoning if not the actual choice. It would be awful to be with someone who was overbearing or unaccepting of another's choices.

What I would find a deal breaker would be someone who didn't care, didn't vote, didn't think about things but moaned when they didn't agree with the way things go. I follow my parents' position in this ( both very involved politically) - no vote, no opinion.

mummyhaschangedhername · 15/01/2018 18:05

Nope, not an issue for me. My husband and I vote differently, we don't always but mostly have. We both sway depending on what the manifestos are and we both have never really got this "party for life" thing. I currently Sponsor one party, although I'm vastly becoming frustrated with them and considering terminating that. My husband has no issue with me sponsoring the party from out joint account despite not agreeing with them.

Never understand people getting their knickers in a twist over differing political views.

MissEliza · 15/01/2018 18:06

My dps have opposing views but it's never caused any problems. However if someone had extreme views, like they supported UKIP or even Momentum, I couldn't deal with it.

Sadik · 15/01/2018 18:09

"Not on Brexit. "
Give me a couple of beers and let me loose . . . (at least, I suspect I may hold different views from you, and with many years working as a professional economist including quite a few in the Commission, plus a pretty extensive knowledge of the political & economic history of the area, I can generally explain my reasoning pretty well . . . Of course, that doesn't mean I'd convince you, but I suspect you might acknowledge some of my opinions are valid.)

Lndnmummy · 15/01/2018 18:09

If it was a Ukip voter than yes. Also would never ever Consider being with someone who voted for brexit.

RidingWindhorses · 15/01/2018 18:13

Anyone's opinions are valid whether they're right is another matter.

Wineandrosesagain · 15/01/2018 18:15

DH and I were on very different political wings when we first started dating. But both respectful and intelligent enough to discuss without arguing about our views. Over the years our politics have both moved towards the centre, and we agree on so much (still disagree about much too). Our music tastes were both at the opposite ends of the spectrum too. It was very interesting and educational to share those. He’s a lovely man, and his different views don’t change that.

luckylavender · 15/01/2018 18:43

DH & I have been married for 27 years. I'm Labour (Party member), he's Tory. We have good robust debates!

Nothomealone · 15/01/2018 18:50

Like wineandroses my DH and I held very different views 20 plus years ago. We still don't agree on everything but have both moved our views towards the centre and now belong to the same political party. What mattered to me was that my DH was a kind decent human being in real life.

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