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Original poster

To be hurt by this

57 replies

BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 12:26

My sister secretly started dating a guy I used to 'date' - I put it in brackets as we got very close (We were intimate once) for over 7 years we were close friebds but there was always a flirty thing too. He was the once who got away for me I guess because it was always bad timing for us to date.

I just wish she had come to me and be upfront and honest and said 'I think I'm developing feelings for him, how would you feel if we went out?' Instead I saw texts from him popping up on her phone. Yet she denies tjem being anymore that friends which really hurts.

God, reading that back we sound like teenagers but she's 40 and I'm 30!

We were really close before they hooked up , now we hardly text or speak. He's blocked me on all social media despite being friends for 7 years and I think he's trying to turn her against me ?

Has anyone experienced anything similar? How do I get over the hurt?

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Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 12:28

I posted on here because when I tell some people they react with 'is that really that bad?' And some are really shocked so I don't kmow if my feelings are valid

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BulletFox · 14/01/2018 12:33

I can imagine that being hurtful.

So you think she wouldn't be upfront with you if you stated how you feel to her?

Jammydodger81 · 14/01/2018 12:36

Why do you think he’s trying to turn her against you OP?

Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 12:38

Why do you think he's blocked you? Has he made that decision? Or has she asked him too?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/01/2018 13:10

Im not surprised youre As far as I'm concerned there are some people you just wouldn't./shouldn't Your sisters ex being one of them. It's not like there's not plenty of blokes out there, is it

MimiSunshine · 14/01/2018 13:13

I think you need to be upfront and say that he was the ‘one who got away’ for you and that you’d always thought he felt the same so you’re very hurt and also weirded out by it all.
Ultimately this will come between you because if she really likes him and stops seeing him she’ll resent you and if she doesn’t stop seeing him then you’ll resent her.

But hopefully you can be honest with each other and get passed it

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 14/01/2018 13:16

It should have been a no go on your sisters part, she's rude.

ColinFlower · 14/01/2018 13:20

Your sister shouldn't have gone there but there is nothing you can do about that now.

If I was you I would try and move on and be happy for them, or at least make out like you are. Chances are it won't work out and then you and your sister can go back to normal.

52FestiveRoad · 14/01/2018 13:21

I can see you are hurt but did I understand correctly...7 years? I think that if he wanted to reignite the flames with you he has had time. Perhaps you should let him go....

Trashboat · 14/01/2018 13:23

Oh god. I could think of nothing more vom inducing than shagging someone one of my sisters has shagged.

Yuk.

I would also be hurt but would also never go there in the first place 😷

littlerobyn · 14/01/2018 13:24

I find it strange that he would want to pursue your sister after being intimate with you. That's just creepy imo!
I can see why it would bother you and think your feelings are more than valid!! Imagine if they got married... it would be so odd.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2018 13:25

So, am I reading this right, you never had a relationship with this man and slept with him once? How long ago?

I'm also curious why he's blocked you.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:25

So you think she wouldn't be upfront with you if you stated how you feel to her?

She knows how I feel, we have discussed it but over the phone and it.got heated - she got defensive and aggressive which is what she does when she feels guilty.
I told her he is like the one who got a away and compared him to someone she had lost and she yelled at me that wasn't true Hmm

Why do you think he's blocked you? Has he made that decision? Or has she asked him too?

I'm not sure why he's blocked.me I'm guessing it's because he wants to invest in her now so doesn't want me getting in the way? He's turning her against me because he knows if I tell her we were intimate he.might lose her?

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Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:27

I feel like she's thrown our relationship away for some bloke.

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Rememberallball · 14/01/2018 13:28

By the sounds of it you saw more in the friendship than he did.

Perhaps he’s decided to step away as, having developed a relationship with your sister, he doesn’t want her to think anything might still be potentially going on between you both.

Could it be your sister who wants the ties cut not him so asked him to take you off facebook? Perhaps she doesn’t want to deal with you getting involved in her blossoming relationship especially if you’re showing how hurt you are about it!

littlerobyn · 14/01/2018 13:28

@BlackMirror does she know you've been intimate? You need to tell her if not, it's just too weird!!!

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:29

If I was you I would try and move on and be happy for them, or at least make out like you are

I think if she were upfront and grown up and said listen I've fallen for him I'm sorry etc I could but it's all the secretive ness and blocking me which makes it painful

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littlerobyn · 14/01/2018 13:29

Not on your part by the way.

Snowysky20009 · 14/01/2018 13:30

I'm guess she already knows you've been intimate, and it's her asking him to block you.

Guys don't give a shit about stuff like that, it has emotion written all over it.

If in 7 years he hasn't made a move, then leave it, I don't want to sound horrible, but it sounds like he's just not that into you.

Sorry though, you must be hurting x

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:30

By the sounds of it you saw more in the friendship than he did.

Hmm maybe, or maybe once my sister and him started hanging out he dumped me like a hot potato as hes.lead by his small dick

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Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:32

Just to be clear - I'm not pining for him at all. I'm in a relationship now and happy.

But we were friends (with benefits) for 7 years, we could never be more due to circumstance and we were.cool with that.

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eloisesparkle · 14/01/2018 13:33

I don't get why people won't date people their friends or siblings have dated.
One of my dcs said it was an '....absolute no no.'
If it's over with you, it's over.
You're all free then to date who you like.
If both of you had wanted to become serious you would have found a way, OP.
The blocking of you I don't get though.

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:34

Yeah the blocking has hurt as I feel a kind of loss of our friendship tbh. Even his mum has blocked me who I was close to Sad

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Royalfuckup · 14/01/2018 13:35

Why weren’t you able to be more than FWB?

Original poster
BlackMirror · 14/01/2018 13:35

Even my mum - who usually has her back has told her me and him obviously had a relationship of sorts but she won't hear it. I keep dreaming about her being pregnant and them both being nasty to me.

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